if you’ve just started college and are wondering why everyone seems happier or better adjusted than you are, then this episode is for YOU!
in this solo episode, i break down what i wish i’d known when i started college— including what to do if college isn’t feeling as fun or life-changing as you’d expected. whether you’re figuring out your major or struggling with your social life, this episode is full of practical tips on adjusting to college life.
so, if comparing yourself to others in college makes you always feel like you’re falling short, this episode is your guide to forming new, healthy habits!
i talk about:
1:29 what i learned from my first few months at college
6:18 finding your friend group (+ why it can be so tricky)
11:58 when your college expectations don’t match the reality
18:47 feeling jealousy over social opportunities
24:47 freedom in college + building a routine
28:26 a journal prompt for college burnout
mentioned:
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© 2026 SHE PERSISTED LLC. all rights reserved.
pull quote: “LOOKING adjusted and FEELING adjusted are not the SAME THING.”
[00:00:00] Sadie: If you are a couple months into college, you're about to go home for Thanksgiving break or winter break, and everyone's gonna be asking, "How is it going?" and, "Do you love it?" and, "Is it everything you thought it would be?" And you're having these reflections of, "This isn't what I thought it would be like."
[00:00:13] What I remember from my first couple months of college is that it felt like everyone had somewhere to go and somewhere to be and someone to meet, and I was just kind of along for the ride. And it was really hard for me to remember that looking adjusted and feeling adjusted are not the same thing.
[00:00:28] You're not seeing the moments where they're calling home because they miss their family and friends. You're not seeing the moments where maybe they're questioning if they chose the right major or the right school or the right people to hang out with. You didn't see them eat dinner by themselves last night 'cause they didn't have plans.
[00:00:44] And you definitely don't see them wondering if everyone else is adjusting better and faster than they are, just like you.
[00:00:50] Hello, hello and welcome to She Persisted. My name is Sadie. I graduated a little bit over a year ago from the University of Pennsylvania, and I did quite a few podcasts while I was a college student giving advice while I was going through it, while I was navigating finals and making friends and figuring out what I wanted to do.
[00:01:08] But looking back,
[00:01:09] it was a lot of moments where what I thought college would be like didn't match what was actually happening. So if you were wondering
[00:01:16] Why does everyone else seem more adjusted than me? Why don't I have my people yet? Why am I not happier? And why am I jealous of a social life that I'm not even sure that I actually want?
[00:01:27] This episode is for you.
[00:01:29] I think that most college freshmen or most people that are in a new stage of life have looked around and thought to themselves, "Everyone here seems to be adjusting faster than I am."
[00:01:40] It seems like everyone knows where they're going. They have plans lined up for this weekend
[00:01:44] They understand the classes that they're taking. They know, like, how often to call home and connect with their friends who are now all spread out. They have people to eat with at lunch and dinner and all these places, that you see everyone around And overall, they just look more comfortable than you feel going through this new foreign experience
[00:02:03] But what I remember from my first couple months of college is really consciously thinking through every single thing, not feeling like everything made sense and I was settled and I was good in this new environment
[00:02:15] It was a ton of intentional choices of do I ask that person to get coffee? Where do I sit in the lecture hall? Do I do that homework assignment now or do I wait until later this week when it's closer to being due? Is everyone else going to office hours? Should I be asking the professor a question? Do I introduce myself after class?
[00:02:33] Do I stay in this weekend and rest for the coming week or do I go out and try and meet new people like it seems like everyone else is?
[00:02:41] And I feel like one of the most salient examples of this for me is going to class. If you've ever been on Penn campus, there is this like super busy walkway that connects the entire campus called Locust Walk. And like three to four times a day during these passing periods between classes, everyone just rushes to Locust Walk to try and get to the next place that they're going.
[00:03:04] It's super crowded, you are literally like shoulder to shoulder. It's giving Times Square sometimes and I felt like this was most obvious when walking down Locust Walk, because everyone is in such a rush and they have this place to be, and there were so many people during these passing periods, like three to four times a day, that are just absolutely determined to get from one class to the other.
[00:03:26] And you're also surrounded by all of these, like, posters and people tabling and all these events they're really excited about, and people meeting up with their friends between classes. And those were the moments where it felt so obvious that it felt like everyone had somewhere to go and somewhere to be and someone to meet, and I was just kind of along for the ride.
[00:03:45] And I hadn't yet found that clear sense of purpose, of I'm going to do this thing because I have this goal, and I'm going to meet this person because we're friends and I belong here
[00:03:56] I was going through the motions and I was maybe checking similar boxes, but it felt like everyone knew what they were doing in a way that I didn't
[00:04:04] And it was really hard for me to remember that looking adjusted and feeling adjusted are not the same thing
[00:04:10] And even if you see someone that's rushing to class for that midterm that they've been prepping for, and you see people walking to dinner together in that big group for those plans that they had made, or you see the photo dump from fall break where all those people went on a weekend trip together Or you see someone getting along like super well with their roommate
[00:04:28] You're not seeing the moments where they're calling home because they miss their family and friends. You're not seeing the moments where maybe they're questioning if they chose the right major or the right school or the right people to hang out with in college. You didn't see them eat dinner by themselves last night 'cause they didn't have plans.
[00:04:46] You don't see them getting lost trying to find, like, the lecture hall the first week
[00:04:50] And you definitely don't see them wondering if everyone else is adjusting better and faster than they are, just like you.
[00:04:56] And so it can be really hard because you're comparing your internal experience where you're aware of all these challenges and ups and downs and difficult parts of navigating college. With all of this external evidence that all these other people are functioning and thriving and doing great in a way that it feels like you're not
[00:05:13] And so when I think back to my freshman year self, I wish that I stopped comparing other people's comfort or them thriving and doing well as evidence that I was behind. Just because someone else was having an easier time or adjusting faster didn't mean that I was behind. It's your timeline. It's not their timeline.
[00:05:35] And I definitely think I struggled to remember that and not compare myself to this fake external metric that didn't even exist
[00:05:43] And especially if you spend time talking to people that are in like their sophomore or their junior year, or that have spent more time away from home in the past, or maybe they have friends already on campus or older siblings who have been to college.
[00:05:54] Really try and remember that you are comparing your adjustment process to their finished product. These are not the same thing. And doing your best to adjust to being at college isn't something that you can compare or should compare with someone who's already settled and doing well and externally seems like they've made it. And again, they probably haven't. We just don't see that side.
[00:06:18] And I think one of the areas that I struggled most with when it came to comparing where I was at and where other people were at were friend groups. One thing that I remember thinking a couple months into college is I thought that I would have my friend group by now
[00:06:32] this far into the year. I felt like I had done a lot to, like, introduce myself to other people. I had people that I sat next to regularly in class. I introduced myself to a ton of people. There was a lot of acquaintances, and there was even people that I talked to regularly or was friends with. But all of those connections felt like they were like an ongoing choice and an ongoing effort.
[00:06:56] I didn't have those people that I just knew that I would hang out with, that I just knew would be there, that I just knew would invite me if something was going on.
[00:07:05] And so in a lot of ways I was surrounded by people, but I still felt pretty lonely. And I think this is extra amplified freshman year because you're living with a ton of people that are in the exact same experience with you. You're going to class with them all day every day.
[00:07:21] You're on a campus where you're surrounded by all of these people and friend groups and different social dynamics. You're probably having meals with them as well. And so it's this really interesting experience to constantly be in the social dynamic but also not feel seen or connected or to have those close friendships that you might have had in high school or back at home.
[00:07:41] And I remember there were a couple things that made this really obvious, and it was when people started to talk about, like, where they were gonna live next year and who their roommates were gonna be. And it was like, I know a lot of people, but I don't know people well enough that I'd, like, wanna live with them
[00:07:55] Or simple things like where am I eating dinner on the weekend when there's not a set plan and you haven't scheduled that with someone. There wasn't that group of people that would just be there and I could just get dinner with them and it wasn't a whole thing. It wasn't a planned event or let's go do this, let's put this connection on the schedule because the relationship doesn't exist yet.
[00:08:15] And I knew that I had technically made friends. I'd done that part, but at the same time
[00:08:21] It still felt like I didn't really have close friends yet
[00:08:25] And I think this is especially obvious in college because there's all of these things that happen that make it, like, really obvious and really clear how and when these groups exist, whether it's, people walking together to events or a roommate group for housing next year Fall break probably just happened, and people will group off and do things together if they don't have family nearby.
[00:08:48] There are these like huge group chats or groups that exist for different parties that are happening and things that are going on,
[00:08:55] there are these different, groups of people that feel like they know what they're supposed to be doing with working towards these certain goals, whether it's, rushing for clubs or joining societies. It felt like I was just, kind of out of the loop on those things, and there wasn't anyone that was, like, adding me to their group
[00:09:11] And it's really easy to mentally connect that friend group or that go-to group that you would attach yourself here to
[00:09:18] "I belong here" But those aren't necessarily the same thing. A group is really visible. Closeness isn't
[00:09:26] And a lot of times this early into college, those groups have been built based on what is convenient. Maybe it's people that live on the same floor. They might be in the same orientation group. Maybe they have roommates that know each other or friends, there's overlap there Or it's just whoever happened to like go out and be friends in those first couple of days or weeks of college and it somehow stuck because it's easier to stay in the same setting than it is to branch off and form something new.
[00:09:53] And I remember struggling with that because the people that I had met and put myself out there to and started to become friends with Those friendships just didn't feel like that easy group that I could belong in
[00:10:04] or see on a super often basis. And even these individual friendships, they weren't quite what I wanted in terms of friendship and people that I loved being around, and it felt easy to hang out with, and I really looked forward to it. It still was very much in that stage of, like, effort
[00:10:20] And I wish that I'd remembered or wish that I'd known that those people that are the easiest to meet in college, aren't automatically gonna become the people that know you best
[00:10:30] When I think back to who I was spending time with in the first couple of months of college, I maybe had a couple of times where I interacted with the people that I became really close friends with by the end of college, but by and large, it was people that I didn't really spend time with at all by the time I got to junior and senior year.
[00:10:48] But it can be really, really, really hard in college to not always be asking, "Why don't I have my group yet? Why don't I have my people? Why don't I have those go-to friends that I just fit with?"
[00:10:59] But if there's one thing you can do instead of asking yourself that, focus on is there one person here that I genuinely enjoy spending time with and want to know better? I know it's hard. I know these signals about who's getting along and who isn't, and the groups that you aren't a part of or the things you aren't invited to.
[00:11:18] Are so much more notable. But if you can, focus on building those long-term friendships. Focus on building those relationships with the people that you really enjoy spending time with. And if you haven't found them yet, keep meeting people. Keep putting yourself out there
[00:11:32] I spent a lot of time trying to find that externally obvious group that I would fit in, whether it was, like, an organized club or a sorority
[00:11:41] or a job or whatever it was and it wasn't until I stopped focusing on that and instead focused on, okay, who do I actually like spending time with? How can I spend more time with them and see where it goes? That I started to build those friendships that ended up lasting through the rest of college and beyond
[00:11:58] And while I think everyone can relate to having some up and downs with friendships and navigating finding a friend group early on in college, another thing that most people experience at some point in college is this disconnect between how they're feeling and how they thought they would feel.
[00:12:16] A lot of people have this refrain of, "I thought I would be happier when I got here." You did all of this work. You put all of this time and energy into applications and test prep and your activities and writing these essays and trying to find the right fit and then moving and finding a roommate and getting to campus.
[00:12:38] And then once you're there and you're doing the thing a lot of the times you don't automatically magically feel perfectly happy and great and thriving, and that can be really disorienting because you worked so long and hard for this thing that you really wanted and you hoped it would bring you, that happiness and joy, and you're realizing that maybe it doesn't automatically come with that.
[00:12:59] And I think a really big reason that we fall into this thinking trap is because college can become a catch-all for like, once I move away from home, and once I finish high school, and once I get into this school that I've been working so hard for, and once I have all this freedom, and once I meet these people.
[00:13:20] It's really all of these things that you've been wanting and working towards and looking forward to for so long.
[00:13:26] And so because all these external things look different, you're around new people, and you live somewhere new, and you have more freedom, and you're in a new stage of life and education, you also think that it will feel really different too
[00:13:38] But I think a lot of us find that even though it might feel a bit different, most of the things that we found challenging or difficult are still going to be there in college. It's not that there's this magical new, like, personality or mental health or version of ourselves that shows up when you move into your dorm.
[00:13:56] You're just kind of you in a new place.
[00:13:59] And one of the things that I remember this being really true for was my sleep. You guys know this is one of my biggest pain point things I'm always working on, so it should be no surprise that this also became a thing in college. But in high school, I had, a lot of, like, weird scheduling things with COVID where when I was back to normal public high school, I had this, really structured schedule, and I remember being, like, tired all the time, and falling asleep in class, and struggling with my sleep schedule in that way.
[00:14:26] And then once we went, like, asynchronous because of COVID, and then we had Zoom school, and then we had hybrid, the schedule was kind of wonky and different. And so routine in that way made sleep challenging. But then once I got to college, it still was challenging, just in a new way. It wasn't that it magically disappeared or that this was no longer something I was navigating It was that there weren't those external structures, and there was a lot more flexibility during the day, and you can take a nap in your dorm room at, like, any time, and no one's forcing you to go to bed at 10:00 PM for a normal sleep schedule. And having a roommate means you don't have, all the perfect sleep hygiene things that you could have in place if you were sleeping alone.
[00:15:06] And your classes may start at different times every day, so there's not that strict routine to keep you on a schedule And so just like I struggled in high school with my sleep, I struggled in college too.
[00:15:17] But just like most people will probably experience this in some way with something that they're navigating in their life, I remember being like, "Wait, but this wasn't supposed to be a thing here." I'm in this new place and in this new experience, I kind of had this mentality of like, well, that was in high school and that was hard for those reasons, and it was difficult to kind of accept that like, no, I still gotta be intentional about my sleep schedule and work through this, and this has really big impacts on my ability to focus and do well on exams, and I have to prioritize this, and it's not magically fixed just because I'm in this new place doing this new thing
[00:15:51] And it's tough because a new environment can do a lot of really great things. It can give you different people. You can have more independence. There are new opportunities. There's more distance from things that maybe weren't going well at home for you.
[00:16:05] But it doesn't necessarily erase other things that you're struggling with, whether it's feeling insecure or anxious or having low self-esteem or feeling lonely or routine and sleep and all of the wonderful, fun, amazing things that come with that.
[00:16:21] And so I wish I understood earlier on
[00:16:23] That sometimes we give college and this new version of life responsibility to solve things that it just can't. Like, it's not gonna be a magic blanket fix.
[00:16:34] And just like those things probably didn't go away when you started a new year in high school, unfortunately they probably won't go away when you start college. And it doesn't mean that you're not enjoying this new era or this new stage of life that you find yourself in.
[00:16:47] You can genuinely like your school and still feel bad sometimes. You can feel grateful to be there and you can still feel lonely.
[00:16:55] You can have wanted this so badly and worked so hard for it and looked forward to it for years and still struggle when you get there.
[00:17:02] And so if you are struggling with this and you're having those thoughts of like, "I kind of thought that I would be happier and feel different when I got here. I wasn't expecting this to feel the way that it is," I want you to ask yourself, "What did I expect college to change about me?"
[00:17:17] Is it your study habits? Is it how extroverted you are? Is it, a routine you struggle to do regularly? Is it how you view yourself? Is it how you show up in relationships?
[00:17:28] Were you expecting that it was gonna make you more confident and social and motivated and independent and happier or less anxious or more interesting? And so if you're struggling with the adjustment and you keep having those thoughts of like, "I thought this would feel different. This isn't what I thought it would feel like. I thought I would be happier here doing this thing that I wanted and worked hard for so long," that's what I want you to think about, and separating college from what maybe you thought would be different about you being in college or at college
[00:18:00] And just because that thing isn't different doesn't mean that you're failing college or college is failing you. It doesn't mean that this adjustment isn't going as it should be or that you're not feeling the way you should be at this point in your process.
[00:18:12] It just might mean that you attached a lot of expectation and a lot of weight on this change in life that maybe wasn't realistic and reasonable, and that's okay. But if you can take that expectation off of yourself and off of this transition, you can give yourself a lot more grace.
[00:18:31] If you can accept that college wasn't magically gonna make me happier and healthier and more motivated and social and optimistic and all these other things, it's just gonna be me in a new place, you realize that you're doing it and you're probably doing it well and handling this transition the best that you can be
[00:18:47] and so as we talk about these experiences and feelings that arise as we get to college, another one that I definitely remember coming up and coming up often was feeling jealous about these other, like, social dynamics or opportunities or things that other people were doing. I remember being like, "People have all these invites to go out and hang out with these people and do these things," or, "All these people are, like, doing this pre-med frat or consulting coffee chats already, or on this sports team where they see these people every single day of the week."
[00:19:20] And I didn't take the opportunity to pause and reflect and realize that I don't even know if I enjoy this social life or this thing that I'm feeling jealous of. Do I wanna be on that team that has all these commitments and just super stressed and overwhelmed during the season? No.
[00:19:36] Do I want to be pre-med? No. Do I want to be going to consulting coffee chats? No. Do I wanna be going out multiple nights a week? No. And yet, I was feeling jealous of those things or those places or those people.
[00:19:49] Regardless.
[00:19:50] And I remember this very vividly my freshman year, where the first week or two, everyone would just kind of go together in groups and go out. You didn't need that invite from those people Everyone just went so orientation
[00:20:07] There wasn't a list.
[00:20:09] You would just go.
[00:20:10] But then a couple of weeks in, it was people who knew a friend who was hosting, or they had a class with someone who was in Greek life who knew about that party that was happening. Or it was an event for a club that someone was hoping to join. It was these organized things that people were either invited to or they weren't.
[00:20:28] And it was who you knew and if you knew what was happening. And I didn't totally know what was happening. And I remember being in my freshman dorm room, and it was probably like a Saturday night, maybe a Friday night, and getting ready in the hopes that I would be invited to go out with other people that did know what was going on and what was happening.
[00:20:46] And texting friends that I had made during orientation and trying to feel out what their plans were and hoping that they would invite me to go with them. And sitting there like fully ready, makeup done, hair done, outfit ready to go, hoping to be able to join this thing, and them just not inviting me. And doing the cagey like run around of "Well, like it's just a small group of us, and we're just doing like a pregame at someone's house, so it's not really open invite, and I don't know what the plan is."
[00:21:15] And you know that feeling of like you're not invited, you're not wanted there. there is not an invite coming.
[00:21:20] And yet I was wanting to go to the party and have this big group of people to hang out with and be with, and stay out late and spend time with people, and attending all of these events and things that were happening that I wasn't a part of.
[00:21:34] And it took me a while to understand that it wasn't that I wanted to be going out all the time or be in this giant big friendship or join these clubs and organizations for things that I was not interested in and had no intention of doing long term, but these things seemed to signify that these other people were wanted, and they were included, and they were having fun, and they were doing college the way you should be
[00:22:03] And so if you find yourself feeling jealous of someone else, and whether it's like a club that they're in or people they're spending time with or plans that they have, I want you to think about what it is that brings up that feeling. Is it the people they're spending time with?
[00:22:16] Is it the opportunities that might come? Is it that they're wanted in that situation? Is it that they're invited, they feel needed? Is it that they have something to do? Is it that they're not carrying the burden of making plans. What is it about that thing that you actually want?
[00:22:32] And really ask yourself If no one else was there and no one else knew that this was going on, you're not seeing these people go to this place together while you're not invited, you're not seeing the photos online, you're not hearing people talking about it and knowing that you weren't invited. If all of those things weren't in the picture, would you still wanna go?
[00:22:51] Would you still wanna be there? Would you still want to do that thing? And that is a really good indicator of whether you really wanna do that thing or not. Are you actually jealous of what they're doing, or is it how they're feeling or how you think it would make you feel? And this took me so much longer to understand and realize than I wish it did.
[00:23:09] It took me probably through my junior year. I remember rushing freshman and sophomore year to try and find this, group and external feeling of being, like, wanted and needed and having things to do. I remember joining clubs freshman year and giving myself all these other commitments to try and meet people and find things and have that sense of belonging.
[00:23:29] I remember having so many, dinners and lunches and coffees with people that I didn't necessarily love spending time with, and yet I still kept doing it because I thought that was someone I should be friends with or
[00:23:41] I should want that thing or do that thing. And it wasn't until I stopped doing that for all those external reasons and started investing and focusing on the friendships that I just enjoyed because the people that they were and the things that they did and how it was fun to hang out and spend time together, that I did get that thing that I wanted, which was that sense of belonging and feeling wanted and feeling needed, and people being excited to see me and me being excited to see them, and having those people that I could hang out with no matter what was going on in life
[00:24:08] So if you can, even though it's hard, try and distinguish I want the experience from I want the meaning that is attached to that experience. Do you want to actually do that thing, or do you want to feel connected and seen and needed and like you belong? Because those are different. And it can be really hard to realize that and understand that. So if you can, and I know it's hard and it takes time, it took me years, Do what you can to build a social life, build friendships, build connections that you actually like Instead of what looks impressive or cool or like it should on the outside
[00:24:47] And then the last thing that we'll touch on for today's episode that I remember, struggling with freshman year, another one of these like, "This isn't what I thought it would be like, and this is really different from what I was expecting," was that I had so much freedom and so much autonomy and so much choice, and somehow that made everything harder.
[00:25:03] And even though it's counterintuitive, and even though it's all you wanted for so long, That freedom and that autonomy and all of these choice points can be really exhausting and can really easily feel like it's leading to burnout. Because in high school, there were so many things that were decided for you, so many things that were out of your control.
[00:25:22] But now every day you're deciding when you're gonna do your work, when you're going to stop studying, when are you gonna eat, where are you gonna eat, who are you gonna see? Are you going to stay in? Are you going to go out? Are you gonna go to class 'cause they don't take attendance
[00:25:35] How much are you supposed to be doing here? How little are you supposed to be doing?
[00:25:39] College can feel so much harder and so much more overwhelming so quickly because you're not just living your life anymore like you were in high school, you are deciding every single aspect of it. And for a lot of us, it's probably the first time that you've ever had to do that
[00:25:54] And one thing that made this so much easier for me, and it's something I still do today five years later, is having defaults. Because freedom becomes a lot easier when you have a baseline routine and baseline habits that you then iterate and adjust upon
[00:26:09] And if you're like, "I have no routine and I have no habits and I have no idea what's going on, I'm just going with the flow and I'm feeling overwhelmed and every day is exhausting,"
[00:26:19] I want you to start with three things, three decisions that you don't want to make every day. Three things that would give you that foundation, that sense of control, that sense of predictability, and it could be where you study every day, that default study spot. It could be which day of the week you call friends and family.
[00:26:36] It could be which meal you're gonna get when you're on the go and need to grab dinner. It could be a regular standing coffee that you have with someone once every single week. It could be the same time to go to bed every night or the same time to wake up in the morning.
[00:26:50] It could be a workout schedule that you follow these certain days of the week Pick three things that you're currently deciding on a day-to-day basis that are adding, like, stress and overwhelm and burnout to your life, and put those three defaults in place. Put those three things that are non-negotiables, that are decided.
[00:27:07] It's just what you do. You can switch it down the line, but give yourself that predictability. And one thing that I found in college, and that you will probably learn as well, is that structure isn't the opposite of freedom.
[00:27:20] It is what allows you to then exercise that autonomy and that choice. Because if everything is just all up in the air all the time and you never know what you're doing, then there's not any noticeable difference when you choose what to do in these moments, right? Like, you are constantly in flux, and you are constantly doing things differently.
[00:27:37] But if you give yourself the structure and routine in these things you do most of the time, and these things that you generally know to expect, when you do deviate and when you do change plans to meet with a friend or you have a fun dinner out instead of your normal routine that you follow, or you study in the library with a group instead of the coffee place near your dorm, you enjoy and appreciate that new experience, that deviation, and you also take away that, like, burnout and decision fatigue and overwhelm on that day-to-day basis that comes from having to decide these things over and over and over again.
[00:28:08] Especially once it becomes time for midterms and finals and stressful experience with a roommate or changing friend groups. When these other things are up in the air and unknown, having these things that are predictable and certain and in your control gives you that foundation to navigate it much more effectively
[00:28:26] so if you clicked on this episode because college is not what you thought it would be, it doesn't feel what you thought it would feel like.
[00:28:31] The experience isn't what you thought it would be after you worked so hard for so long and wanted this thing so badly. I want you to ask yourself and think and reflect and maybe journal if you like to journal on what did you expect college to feel like? I want you to be really specific, not just be like, "I thought it would be better than high school.
[00:28:48] I thought it would be different from being at home." But did you expect to feel like you belong? Did you expect to feel completely independent? Was it excitement or friend group or confidence or happiness? What was this thing that you thought would come along with this new chapter of life?
[00:29:06] And what specifically, now that you're here and now that you're experiencing it, isn't matching that expectation? It's not that college sucks and you're doing this wrong and that nothing is going the way it should be, but it's probably something a bit smaller and more solvable and much more doable. Like, I don't have anyone that I feel close to, or I don't really love the classes that I'm taking because I'm filling all these core requirements, and I took this stuff in high school, and this isn't interesting, and I wanted to major in this, and that's not the classes that I'm taking.
[00:29:34] Or I'm spending too much of my time alone. I thought I would be around people and by myself more than I thought I would be. I miss home. I miss my family and friends and my old routine and my old life and where I feel like I knew what was going on and what was happening and what to expect. Or I'm exhausted from constantly socializing and putting myself out there and trying to build these relationships that I know I need
[00:29:56] So what was the expectation that you were attaching to college?
[00:29:59] What was that thing that you were hoping to feel and what isn't matching that? And then I want you to ask yourself, do I just need time or do I need action? There are things that just take time, and that is friendships and familiarity and adjusting truly to being in a new place at a new time with new things knowing what works for you, having routine, those things aren't gonna be fixed with any reframe.
[00:30:25] You need to put in a certain number of hours to build a friendship. You need to have a certain number of reps before it becomes a routine and a habit. It takes time for this new place that you live to feel like home and feel like your home base versus where you've lived for the rest of your life.
[00:30:39] But there are also things that might need action. Like you really don't like the classes that you're taking for your major the way you thought you would, or you're never leaving your room and all day, every day, that's how you're spending all your time. Or something in your environment or friendship or relationship that you're in isn't healthy.
[00:30:58] Or you're struggling in a big way with your mental health, and it's now impacting your ability to go to class or show up for the things that you wanna do that you're working towards. And sometimes things might need both.
[00:31:08] Like you're in your room all the time and it will take time to build friendships and have commitments that take you out of your room. It's not just gonna be a magical fix overnight.
[00:31:16] But understanding why this isn't what you thought it would be, what's actually happening, and then what the solve is, gives you that path forward, gives you things that you can try, and gives you back that sense of power and autonomy and like, I can do this, I can overcome this. It's not just this thing that's out of my control that kind of sucks.
[00:31:33] Because that is my least favorite experience in life,
[00:31:35] is feeling like something is miserable and going wrong and you're struggling and no matter what you do and what you try, nothing can be done about that. The good thing is that most of these things in college, there are steps you can take, and there are things you can try, and there are people that have been there in your shoes before.
[00:31:52] So if you are a couple months into college, you're about to go home for Thanksgiving break or winter break, and everyone's gonna be asking, "How's it going?" and, "Do you love it?" and, "Is it everything you thought it would be?" and, "Here's how I'm doing at my college, and what is it like for you?"
[00:32:07] And you're having these reflections of "This isn't what I thought it would be like." I had all of this information and thoughts and feelings about what this experience would be, and it's not that, and I don't know what it's going to be, but currently it's not what I thought it would be.
[00:32:21] I want you to remember how much time you have to still figure that out. The people that you are hanging out with now might change and probably will change. that person that you barely know, for me, someone that I randomly met in my orientation group, I could not tell you anyone else who was in my orientation group, ended up becoming my best friend.
[00:32:39] You might change majors, you might add a minor, you might drop a minor, you might just take classes because you enjoy them. You'll finish your core requirements and get to take the classes that you actually like. You might figure out that you hate going out or that you love it and go out more.
[00:32:54] This might start feeling like a place where you belong and that you look forward to being, and that feels more like a sense of home than it does right now.
[00:33:01] And you might realize that some of these things that you thought college might magically fix or that would somehow be different once you got here might just be things that you continue to work on yourself and that are independent of this new chapter and this new place that you find yourself in. So if you are in that position and college isn't what you expected it to be right now, I don't want you to immediately turn that into, "I picked the wrong school and everyone else is doing better, and the next four years are gonna feel the exact same." I really, really want you to remember that this first version, this transition stage, this adjustment period is not going to be the final version of college.
[00:33:40] It's not gonna be the final version of you as a college student. Things are going to change. You are going to change.
[00:33:47] And I want you to lean into that uncertainty and that impermanence, one of my favorite quotes from the podcast, "Life is impermanent, and that impermanence will be on your side." So with that, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. If you are struggling to navigate college, comment down below and let me know what has been the hardest part of the transition.
[00:34:06] And if you have gone through your own college transition, I want you to let me know what the best advice you received is or what you wish you knew starting your freshman year for people who are currently going through that and struggling, and it's not what they thought it would be, and they don't know what to do As always, make sure you are subscribed, leave a review, follow along at @shepersistedpodcast.
[00:34:27] And with that, I will see you guys in the next episode.
[00:34:30] If you enjoyed this episode of She Persisted, make sure to leave a review, subscribe, and share with a friend or family member. Follow along at @shepersistedpodcast on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and more for bonus content. Thanks for listening and keep persisting