111. What Does Therapy Mean to You? feat. Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins

Aug 19

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Today's guest is Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins—a Netflix star, producer, content creator, proud Howard University graduate, and the host of Trials To Triumphs on the OWN Network! In this episode, we discuss Ashley's background in the entertainment industry, her experience starting therapy, why it's important to redefine therapy so it meets your needs, why preventative mental health care is so essential for POC/females/teens, current and past traumas POC are collectively working through, opening yourself up in relationships, trials and triumphs in Ashley's life + relationship, advice for navigating difficult seasons of life, getting in touch with your "why" and life purpose, and building a gratitude practice.

Ashley's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trialstotriumphspod/

Mentioned In The Episode…

+ Entertainment Community (formerly The Actors Fund)

+ Halftime on Netflix

+ Trials to Triumphs Podcast

+ Dear White People on Netflix

+ Grand Crew

+ Run the World

SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOC

Episode Sponsors

🛋This week's episode is sponsored by Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is an online therapy program with over 14,000 licensed therapists in their network offering support with depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and more via text, talk, and video counseling. Head to teencounseling.com/shepersisted to find a therapist today!

🍓This week's episode is brought to you by Sakara. Sakara is a nutrition company that focuses on overall wellness, starting with what you eat. Use code XOSADIE at checkout for 20% off your first order!

About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)

After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.

a note: this is an automated transcription so please ignore any accidental misspellings!

[00:00:00] Sadie: Welcome to she persisted. I'm your host. Sadie sat in a 19 year old from the bay area, studying psychology at the university of pencils. She processed. It is the teen mental health podcast made for teenagers by a team. In each episode, I'll bring you authentic, accessible, and relatable conversations about every aspect of mental wellness you can expect.

[00:00:20] Evidence-based Tina proved resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT insights and education. Each piece of content you consume, she persisted offers you a safe space to feel validated and understood in your struggle while encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and build your life worth living.

[00:00:37] So let's dive in.

[00:00:41] Hello? Hello. Welcome back to another episode. If she persisted, I am so excited for today's episode with Ashley. She is just the best. This conversation was so inspiring. It left me just so in awe of her and all the wisdom that she shared. And there are so many things from this episode that I will be implementing, and that will stay with me long after I've edited and put this episode out.

[00:01:03] But before we dive into that, I had a thought that I wanted to share with you guys and get your feedback on if you agree, disagree, et cetera. But if you know about the 80 20 rule, or if you've seen those talks where it's like, this is my 80, this is my 20, a lot of the time it's with like fitness or diet or lifestyle.

[00:01:21] So 80% of the time you're putting in the work you're. Eating these foods you're exercising. You're staying consistent. 20%. You let loose. You're having fun. You're eating the foods you love. Your your cheat days, whatever it is, that's the way that I've most often heard about the 80 20 rule. And I, it kept thinking about how this would relate to mental health.

[00:01:43] Cuz I thought there, I was like, I should make a video. Like there has to be a way to adapt this to mental health. And I was like, I think it's pretty simple. And it's that 80% of the. Your routine relationships, lifestyle, mental health has to be restorative and re-energizing and uplift lifting and moving in the upwards trajectory.

[00:02:06] And the 20% are the, the challenging moments, the difficult conversations, the vulnerability, the things that, the negative thoughts, the, the judgment, these other things that kind of tend to tear us down a little. But if you have that 80%, you're moving in that right trajectory. And the 20% is those other things, you're in a pretty good spot.

[00:02:28] You're moving in the right direction. And so I was kind of thinking about that idea and what that means. And I'm thinking relationships, your relationships help you feel seen and validated, and they, you feel safe in them and you feel understood and heard and supported and held accountable. And then the 20%, if.

[00:02:48] That applies to relationships. Maybe it's an argument. Maybe you have a difficult conversation. Maybe you give someone feedback. Maybe someone gives you feedback, et cetera. Maybe you're really vulnerable. And that's uncomfortable I am always thinking about habits, but it's 80% of the time you're sticking to your sleep schedule.

[00:03:04] You're getting outside. Maybe you're getting movement in you're consuming content that you enjoy. You're sticking to your morning and night routine. And then 20% of the time, maybe you're sleeping in maybe like, I don't wanna go outside today. You have that give because we're not perfect.

[00:03:18] We need that balance. I also think of like the thoughts and belief systems and the idea of having that 80% of the time that you feel confident and good about yourself as a whole, the 20% is when you're like, oh, I don't love how I look today. Or I don't feel great about myself or I wish this was different.

[00:03:38] Those negative thought patterns or second guessing yourself, the judgment, a, a negative belief, all of those kinds of things, but really working to keep that 80% in building that muscle of coping in a healthy way and rewinding those thought patterns and affirmations, whatever it is. But yeah, I, I liked that adaptation and I thought it was an, an interesting way to think about that balance and moving in the right direction while also not holding yourself to that level of perfection, which none of us are capable of in any aspect of life.

[00:04:07] But. Yeah, I thought that was interesting. And if you guys have thoughts on it, I would love to hear it. But with that tangent out of the way, two today's guest is Ashley bla feather Jenkins. She is eight Netflix star producer, content creator, and graduate of Howard university. She's also the host of the trials to traum podcast on Thero win free network or the own network. In this episode, Ashley and I discuss everything from her background in the entertainment industry, her experience starting therapy. We talk about redefining therapy so that it meets your needs, preventative mental healthcare. So, so, so much more, just such an amazing conversation. So inspiring. Ashley has the best energy and I just love this conversation so inspired and I know you will too. So as always make sure to subscribe. So you don't miss any upcoming episodes follow on Instagram and tech talk and at shape assisted podcast.

[00:04:55] And please leave review for the podcast. It helps me so much, and I love seeing your guys' feedback. So with that, let's dive in

[00:05:02] Thank you so much for joining me today. Ashley, I'm so excited to have you and she persist.

[00:05:06] Ashley: Thanks for having me.

[00:05:08] Sadie: Of course, of course. So, so much we're gonna dive into in this conversation. I can't wait. I'd love to start by hearing your background, how you started working in entertainment and then why you decided to start your own podcast.

[00:05:22] Ashley: Yeah, well Oh, my gosh. Okay. So I've been working in entertainment. I've been in Los Angeles for almost 13 years, but I've been acting professionally since I was 14. So it's I don't know, a, a long time. Yeah. Oh my gosh. 20 years, 20 years. Oh my goodness. Professionally, but I've been acting and performing and singing and dancing since I was a very little girl.

[00:05:41] And I honestly, I was always that kid who knew that she wanted to move to Los Angeles and be an actor, you know, you know, everyone was like, I wanna be an astronaut. A dentist, a doctor, and I was like an actor and everyone was looking at me like, okay, girl . And yeah, so. Again, a bulk of my experience has been the time that I've been living in Los Angeles post college.

[00:05:59] I graduated from Howard university where I got an MFA or a BFA. I'm sorry. Wow. I just gave myself a master's. I got, I got a BFA in musical theater. And I've been here ever since. And then, you know, for me, my, my, I guess my foray into, you know, the mental health space really started. I'm gonna say probably around 2014 and maybe 2013 even.

[00:06:26] And I honestly, I had some friends, some friends that are older than me at the time who were, had started going to therapy. And I was just like, oh, that sounds cool. Like, I, there was no real like inciting incident necessarily that had happened in my life. That, that, that took me to therapy. It was really that I had friends that were doing it and I was like, oh, okay.

[00:06:48] You guys seem like you're into it, let me try it. But at the time I couldn't really afford a therapist. So I was like, Ooh, I didn't, I don't even think I had insurance at that time. And so there is this amazing organization called the actors fund and through the actors fund I was able to get weekly therapy for free.

[00:07:07] And that changed everything for me. You know, it became my peace, my sanity in the week. It was, it was. Place of comfort that I didn't know that I needed. And you know, my, my first therapist, I really it's, she was a tough act to follow. And I only stopped going to her because she moved and kind of went into therapy and education.

[00:07:33] But she really set the tone for what a therapist is. Like. I remember we used to always just have tea. We shared tea. Every session and it was like, you know, that was our vibe and we both sat there and really I was able to really let everything out. But most importantly, I, I felt really heard and I felt incredibly seen.

[00:07:52] And so I've been in therapy consistently, ever since then. And I am very passionate about encouraging others, especially people of color to seek therapy because. It's life

[00:08:04] Sadie: changing. I completely agree. And I'd love to dive into that, but I first, I, I love what you said about going into therapy before you get into like, crisis.

[00:08:12] I need this as a resource mode because the biggest determinant of success in therapy is that therapeutic relationship, which you just highlighted. And if you can build that foundation, Before you're in crisis mode before everything seems like it's falling apart and you have that person, you can trust, you have that person that, you know, gives good advice and will support you and will listen.

[00:08:32] It's a game changer and it just puts you in such good, great shape to navigate mental health challenges that arise, which we all experience.

[00:08:40] Ashley: Yes, 1000%. You know, I, I call therapy weekly maintenance. Yeah. It's not, you know, it's like you get your car washed. Not because anything's wrong with your car.

[00:08:51] You're just getting your car washed because it deserves to be cleaned and sparkly and you don't have to deal with dust and particles, whatever in your car and, you know, bird poop. I look at it the exact same way. It's, you know, it's a part of my life. It's a part of enriching my life. It's a part of making my life feel more, honestly, I feel freer doing therapy.

[00:09:16] It's it's, it's, it's a, it's a practice of self-expression every week or every biweekly, however, often people go. But it, it's, it's really important to know. That there's always a place for me to go and express myself and be heard and be seen and also get guidance back from yes. Someone who, you know, hopefully you have a good therapist is not judging you at all.

[00:09:39] Sadie: Mm-hmm yeah, yeah, no, there's just so many things. Like, even if you're just going to therapy, you're interacting someone with someone who's hopefully very effective. You're learning scales with how to be more inter personally effective, maybe advocate for yourself. You're seeing validation skills and use that you then can , transfer to your other relationships.

[00:09:57] You're probably , learning how to manage emotions that arise and how to do that in a healthy way. And like you mentioned, it can be preventative mental health care, and it can be something that you put in place before you get into that crisis mode.

[00:10:09] In addition to using therapy as a resource. When you do feel like everything is falling apart, and it's all about the relationship that you have, your therapist that you have with therapy. And that's, what's so great about it is it's completely up to you. How, how much you wanna dive into how little, how much support you need everything.

[00:10:27] Is, is in your court. And I had some therapists on a couple of weeks ago and they said therapies for everyone, but not every therapist is for everyone. And I loved that. I think it's so true. Yeah, because therapy can be so subjective. There's in no way, a one size fits all. So if you're looking for support, if you're looking for some guidance there is a therapist out there that can help you navigate the challenges you're experiencing

[00:10:50] Ashley: 1000%.

[00:10:52] Yeah.

[00:10:52] Sadie: So I'd love to dive into your advocacy work for people of color pursuing therapy, working on their mental health. Why do you think that's so important?

[00:11:00] Ashley: Honestly, we just have a lot of trauma. Yeah. There's ancestral trauma, there's current trauma. And the, the truth is the only way that we can prevent future trauma is if we start healing now.

[00:11:17] And I think the thing about people of color. Especially black people people of African descent is that, like I said, we have a lot of ancestral trauma. We have a lot of trauma that we don't even realize is ours. We don't even realize why we feel a certain way or, or are carrying things around with us because what we're thinking is nothing's wrong.

[00:11:38] Everything's fine. I got a great job. I have a house. I have my kids. I got. Man or my what, whatever it is, we have all, we, we decide that we have all these things, so I'm just having a bad day it'll pass. But the truth is with, with your body, with your mind, what your spirit is trying to tell you is that there's deeper issues that need healing.

[00:12:01] And the other thing about trauma. That a lot of people don't realize. And, and you know, this ties back into ancestral trauma is that it's passed out, you know, trauma lives in the body. So it's unavoidable if I don't, if, if I want children and I don't heal within me, things that need healing, then my children will, will have to deal with that.

[00:12:23] Somebody's gonna have to deal with it. Yeah. And. I am a huge advocate for us learning to deal with it now. And here's the thing it's painful. It's not fun. It's not easy. It's scary. It's dark. It's gross. But there is light on the other side and I mean, light and like the actual, like the, literally the, the, the, the vision of like light, but I also mean.

[00:12:53] Like you are lighter yeah. You are literally lighter by releasing things that truly we don't have to carry anymore. And so, yeah, I just think it's really important. And, and for me, I like talking about it because I want, I want people to know that there's cool. The cool kids of going to therapy. It's not this like, weird walkie, like it's, it's wonderful.

[00:13:19] Like if you're not in therapy, You're legitimately missing out like a hundred

[00:13:24] Sadie: percent. Yeah. That and the people that you look up to that you're like, wow, they're so effective. They know how to carry themselves. They know how to advocate for themselves. They're they're compassionate. They seem to have it all together.

[00:13:35] They've probably have been in therapy at some point or they're in therapy. Now it's something that is so helpful to utilize. And I think what you just highlighted, which is so important is that minorities are at higher. For mental health issues, whether that's gender minorities, racial minorities. Yes. And so we talked about preventative mental healthcare.

[00:13:53] If you already know you're at risk, which teenagers are the age demographic that is most at risk for developing mental health challenges. If you are a female and you are at a higher risk of developing depression, anxiety, eating disorders, body image issues if you are a person of color, You are at higher risk for developing these things as well. So putting those resources, those support systems in place in case those challenges, those symptoms do arise.

[00:14:20] You have someone that can help you navigate through that. And I think also just the, the current media landscape that we're living in, you said that there's so much trauma that's been experienced. I think there's something to be said for the trauma we're experiencing now. Like we just went through COVID and the data showed that people of color were at higher risk of mortalities from COVID and not getting access to vaccines and, and having worse symptoms because of preexisting conditions.

[00:14:45] And there's all these acts of violence that are all currently happening, which is extremely traumatic and overwhelming. And like the, the nervous system can't keep up with that level of like awareness and overwhelmed for a long period of time. At some point you have to start processing through those emotions and feeling them and accepting that they're, it's not normal to be operating at that level constantly.

[00:15:10] Ashley: Yeah, for sure. But I you're a thousand percent percent. Right. But I also think that's why, you know, therapy comes in various forms. Yes. So for me, you know, talking to my best friends is therapy. Yeah. Talking to my husband is therapy. Cuddling with my dog. Diva is therapy. Yeah. Spending time with my family is therapy.

[00:15:33] But the thing with, with all of the thing about all the things that I just named is that in order to get what you need from all of these people, you have to open. Yeah, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable and let people in and let people know that you need support. And, and I think the thing that I'm, I'm learning that I got major key in life is, you know, they say like, you have to teach people how to treat you.

[00:15:59] And that's very true, but you also have to Allow people to do so. Yeah. You know, I, I can set a standard for how I want to be treated and not allow you safety to come in and do that for me. I still have, I still have the, the, the, my guard up, I still have a boundary up that doesn't really need to be there.

[00:16:21] I think, you know, part of me being in my thirties now is that I'm realizing that boundaries are really important, but what's more important than having. Is really being intentional about who you put the boundaries up for and when and why. Yeah. Like you can't just have boundaries, like there's no rules around the boundaries, you know what I mean?

[00:16:37] You have to be very clear about them because if you're not, then you might be shutting out people and experiences that could really, really help you and be, and, and, and be there and service to you and your growth and whatever you may need in that, in that season of

[00:16:52] Sadie: your. Absolutely. Especially if you're the kind of person who's like, the boundaries are up, you have to like earn the boundaries going down rather than like the boundaries are down until the boundaries go up because something's happened.

[00:17:03] Just being super aware of that and intentional and over time, exposing yourself to more vulnerabilities. More moments of, of being honest, expressing those emotions and being able to show up in your relationships is huge.

[00:17:16] Ashley: For sure.

[00:17:17] Sadie: Today's episode is brought to you by teen counseling. You guys hear me talk about them almost every week. We love teen counseling.

[00:17:23] We love therapy, and that's pretty much what this episode is about. So I had to share teen counseling with you.

[00:17:29] Teen counseling is better helps branch of their online therapy program, but for teenagers. So they have over 14,000 licensed therapists within their network that work specifically with teenagers on things like anxiety, depression, relationships, trauma, and so much more. They offer talk, text and video counseling all from your home.

[00:17:47] It's a great way to start therapy without having to navigate, going into an office or being on a wait list. You get matched with a therapist based on what you're hoping to work. And it's a very simple, streamlined process to get into therapy and get that support with a really quick turnaround time.

[00:18:02] So if you would like to try teen counseling, you can go to teen counseling.com/she persisted. You are going to fill out a survey about what you're hoping to work on. They will match you with a therapist that specializes in that area. If you're under 18, you will give a parent's email to give consent for treatment.

[00:18:16] Now your information is disclosed. HIPAA's enacted. But they send a vague email for consent for treatment and payment. And then you start meeting with a therapist. So to start your therapy journey or meet with a new therapist, you can head do teen counseling.com/she persisted again. That is teen counseling.com/she persisted I'd love to hear about your experience with therapy. Did you feel that there was any stigma towards getting into therapy towards pursuing that?

[00:18:42] Are you hearing that from others as a concern after you've been so transparent about going to therapy? Or do you think that that's not something that's as much of an issue anymore? Well,

[00:18:51] Ashley: I started going to therapy, I mean, almost 10 years ago. Yeah. So. it's a little different even, but even then I also have to take into account.

[00:19:00] I live in Los Angeles and I'm around a whole bunch of entertainers. So it, it, it is a part of our world and has been a part of our world for a long time. But I will say most of my friends who do not live in California, I'm really more so at the time, not so much now, but therapy, it wasn't the same vibe about therapy, right?

[00:19:21] Yeah. But now I would say that like, like I said, the, we get it, the cool kids are in therapy. Everybody wants to be in therapy. You know, therapy is where it's at. And, and there's so many ways to, to get therapy. Like it's not just, you have to go into the office and sit down with somebody. For an hour and you know, you're laying down, like, you know, it, it doesn't, it doesn't have to be that there's ways to do it virtually there's ways to do it where you don't even ever have to see your therapist.

[00:19:51] There's ways to do it. If you don't want your therapist to even say anything and you can just get everything off your chest, you host a podcast. Yeah. It's basically, so, you know, there's, there are so many ways to. And receive therapy now. And, and I'm, and I'm really happy about that, but everybody in my orbit is down with the get down of, of therapy.

[00:20:13] I think the only people that are still a little resistant to it are just people in and in older generations. Yeah. And they might get it. It, it's not. it, it was a different thing for them. Yeah. It was looked at much differently and I, I, 1000% give grace toward, toward them for that.

[00:20:31] Sadie: But, and also what therapy looked like for them at that, that time period was like a whole different experience.

[00:20:37] Like ice picks up the nose in the hospital for the rest of your life. So like, No wonder there's a little bit of pushback with like this whole new movement, because it's a completely different ballgame.

[00:20:47] Ashley: I mean, even just the word shrink. Yeah. Which is such a, you know, we don't use the word shrink. No, one's talking about going to a shrink, it's actually a derogatory term yeah.

[00:20:56] To use in my opinion, but just even that word, it, that doesn. I don't wanna go see a shrink, like

[00:21:03] Sadie: that sound weird, like yeah.

[00:21:05] Ashley: Enticing, right? No, like that sounds like, Ugh. I don't know. So yeah, I, I, I, I, 1000% give

[00:21:11] Sadie: grace for that. Yeah. I think the only times that I see resistance towards therapy, it's less of like, Society needs to continue to normalize it.

[00:21:20] It's more like if like the person themselves, like maybe they could benefit from being in therapy, but there's that resistance that work hasn't been done where they're like, maybe I do need help. Yeah. Or maybe I could use support or maybe this isn't normal. And it's okay to ask for help. It's more like that personal work and those personal belief systems tied to it and less an issue of like therapy is something that lots of people get.

[00:21:43] It's a type of medical care. Yeah. It's and it's, it's really amazing to see that difference because we've made so much progress in that realm. I agree. So talk to me about your podcast and these conversations that you're having with people. What have been some of your most impactful takeaways from sitting down with so many amazing individuals?

[00:22:03] Ashley: Oh my goodness. So my podcast trials to triumphs, which is an own original podcast. It is just truly the biggest blessing in my life. I am having just genuine intimate conversations with so many people that I admire. And I feel like have so much to say particularly as it pertains to their journeys.

[00:22:23] Yeah. And for me, I find that so much inspiration comes from just knowing about the trials and the triumphs in one's journey. And so that's what I'm exploring each and every week. And. You know, the gyms that I've received are endless Sadie, honestly. I I've never felt more encouraged, seen inspired.

[00:22:49] Grounded lifted , which is crazy. Cuz you could feel grounded and lifted at the same time. A hundred percent. Yeah. But when I said that, I was like, oh wow, that's kind of cool. But yeah, I, I just, you know, I've, I've learned so much about grief and how to handle it. I've learned so much about Joy and how to enjoy joy and also how to feel pain at the same time.

[00:23:17] That's okay. Life is like that sometimes, you know, I, I am one of those people that would kind. You know, get down on myself. If I was having what seemingly everybody else thought should be a really good day for me. And I wasn't feeling that way. Yeah. But we all experienced that and that's very normal.

[00:23:36] You know, the challenge is what do you do with it? How do you still find gratitude? Yeah. For the day that was kind of like weird and confusing and you had a, a, a mix of emotions. It's okay. Just find the gratitude in it. So yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, every conversation, there's something that blows my mind, honestly, and truly there's something that, that gives me pause in the best.

[00:24:01] That's

[00:24:01] Sadie: awesome. I would love to hear obviously, huge question, basically asking you to boil down your life story, but a trial and a triumph that you've had either recently were the two that first come to mind that, that have happened in your own life.

[00:24:16] Ashley: Yeah, I mean, honestly, I think my husband and I are a good example.

[00:24:22] You know, Darrell and I were friends for a really long time and had a bit of a situation ship type of thing going on. And within that, there were a lot of trials. Yeah. There was a lot of confusion. There was a lot of anger and disappointment and pain and, you know, all, all of those things But we rose from it triumphantly and, and I think, and I think the beauty of it, you know, now we're married and have almost been married for a year and have a house and a dog and all of the things, and we're literally couldn't be better.

[00:24:58] But I think what our relationship has taught me is that. the only way the triumph really means something and can inspire others. Is if you went through a trial to get there. Yeah. Triumphs don't appear out of nowhere. I can't just wake up and having, having not been through anything and be like, I feel triumphant that's about how it works.

[00:25:23] You're in the valley. And then you reach the summit, you reach the peak of the mountain and you say, I am triumph. I started all the way down there. Wow. And I made it up here and now I can see everything that I was worried. I wasn't gonna be able to make it up this mountain to see. And now I see it all.

[00:25:43] And I'm so grateful for how difficult this Trek was because it got me here and that is ultimately the greatest trials to triumph story of my life. And it gave me the love of my life that will create. everything that I've always wanted in life will come from my relationship with Darrell being the foundation mm-hmm

[00:26:05] And so I, again, I really, all I can say is just, I'm so incredibly grateful for everything we've been through. And it's crazy because in, in while you're in it, you, you don't have that perspective. Yeah. You know, I'm in a season of my life right now where I'm like obsessed with retrospect, I think retrospect is so freaking cool.

[00:26:25] Cause it's like, To have the ability to look back and be like, oh my gosh. Like what? Like if I could have only seen now, but that's the thing about, like, you can't see where you're headed. You can't see it in, in the. Literal sense, but you can see it in the spiritual sense. You can see where your life is headed, where, where your purpose is leading you, but the truth is even within that, you don't really know.

[00:26:53] Yeah. Really? No, but what I would encourage everybody to do is lean into that. There's excitement in that everybody, I don't care what people say. We all love a surprise. Everybody, people that say I hate surprises. And everyone who says that is lying. I get that. Like, there's just, there's no wait, especially if it's a good surprise who wouldn't want to walk outta their house and be surprised with their dream car.

[00:27:19] Oh, nobody in the world would say they don't want that. And it's the same with life. You have to keep that same type of excitement for what could be around the corner. And this is something I'm having to tell myself all the time, but especially in the season of my life, Sadie, where so much is unknown.

[00:27:36] Yeah. But if I even re. The life that I have right now and knowing where I came from, I know that I'm gonna have to be okay. And again, going back to trials to triumphs, that's what every conversation is about. Yeah.

[00:27:52] Sadie: If you could give a piece of advice to someone who is like really in their trial season right now, there's so much unknown.

[00:27:59] They have no idea what triumph is gonna come out on the other side. What would you say.

[00:28:05] Ashley: I would say a few things. One do things that make you happy that's in your control. Yeah. And I know that sounds maybe daunting, but it could be simple, you know, for me, I'm not feeling low and confused. I go and get frozen yogurt. I enjoy it. It makes me happy. It makes me smile. It tastes amazing again, or it could be, you know what, I'm gonna find a really cheap flight deal and go somewhere and just sit on a beach and have a colada, like, you know so I would say that do things that make you happy because that is in your control.

[00:28:44] Second thing I would say is. perhaps what the universe is encouraging you to do is to pivot maybe so much energy that you're focusing on something and, and, and not really knowing what's on the other side and is causing you anxiety. And all of those things, maybe what the universe is, is trying to say is do something else in the meantime.

[00:29:08] Something wrong with that. The thing is we're all multihyphenate. We just have to decide what the Hy, what the hyphens are, but we're all multihyphenate. None of us are just one thing. And then the third thing I would say is really, if you haven't already figure out your why and what I mean by your, why is why you are here.

[00:29:31] And, and I really wanna say this for anyone that's ever contemplated suicide thought about not wanting to be here anymore. I really wanna say, I really wanna tell you, you are here for a reason. The task is to figure out why and I, and I'm not gonna act like that cannot feel like a daunting task at times.

[00:29:59] But we're all here for a purpose and we're all here for good. Should we, should we choose to do something that's not for good that's on us, but we were all put here for good. And so I would just encourage you to figure out your why your purpose, why you're here. And if you figure that out, Then the unknowns don't matter as much because you know where you're headed.

[00:30:23] You don't know when you're gonna get there, but again, that's the excitement about surprises. It's gonna come. Yes. You don't know when, but I promise you it will come.

[00:30:33] Sadie: Yeah, no, I, I love what you're saying about it. Being the journey and off the destination and planning those moments of joy to being those things that make you happy, you're able to enjoy the interim, enjoy the unknown because you've created a life that is enjoyable.

[00:30:47] Even if you're understanding. This is not the destination. Yes. I'm not done yet. I'm still building things in my life that are really important to me. But this life that I'm currently living is, is worth living and enjoyable and I feel supported and validated and all of those things.

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[00:32:05] Ashley: And, and I'll tell you, Sadie, I wanna say this too yesterday.

[00:32:09] I watched the Jennifer Lopez documentary halftime on. Netflix.

[00:32:14] Sadie: Have you seen it? I haven't. I really want to, I've heard such good things. Okay. It,

[00:32:18] Ashley: it, so first of all, it was a different vibe than I, than I thought it was gonna be. Mm-hmm and, and I mean that, in the sense of, I thought it was just gonna be this, like highlight real all this movie montage.

[00:32:31] Yeah. Yeah. But all this amazing stuff that JLo's done. And she has like this, you know, dream like dream career, and the truth is, is the documentary. Was basically Jennifer Lopez, her episode of trials to triumphs. That's basically what it was. You gotta have her on now. It, I, Jennifer, if you're listening,

[00:32:52] Sadie: please, I have sure have my he's not listen to my podcast, but I'll will manifest

[00:32:57] Ashley: it.

[00:32:57] Never know. You never know, maybe Emmy and max, her, her kids, maybe they're listening. You never know. Anyway, but my takeaway from it was.

[00:33:06] Even when society, the outside world, your family, your friends

[00:33:14] Even when they don't get it, whatever it is that you have to offer or that you are offering. Keep going, because it doesn't matter. All that matters is that, you know what you have to offer, you know, what your hyphenates are, you know, what your purpose is. And I just thought it was so beautiful to see Jennifer say that at 50 years old,

[00:33:40] Sadie: I can't believe she's 50.

[00:33:41] She looks

[00:33:42] Ashley: so I cannot believe she's 50. It also makes me feel like, oh my God, I'm gonna be 50. But no, but you have a long way. All I'm just, I'm going 30 to 50 tonight. It, it, it to see her living her best life at 50 truly made me sit there while I was getting my hair done while I was getting my hair done.

[00:34:08] And I. Ashley, you have to relax. Yeah. Like it really is true. The best is yet to come. Sadie you're in college, right? Mm-hmm college was one of the best times of my life. It, I mean, I felt like college was the. It gets better. This is so much better than college oh my God. With all the bills and the responsibilities and the thing and the, this and the, that, and the blah, blah, blah.

[00:34:42] it's better. So keep going.

[00:34:45] Sadie: Yeah. The last thing I wanna ask you about is gratitude. Retrospection. Is that something that always came naturally to you or did you have to build this practice of gratitude? Build this practice of appreciation and if so, your tips for listeners that are, are struggling to kind of cultivate that perspective.

[00:35:06] Ashley: Oh, yeah. Well, I will say I think it, yes, it, it always came pretty naturally to me. But I'll also say I was in a season of my life probably my early twenties, so like my early LA days and I was just ran down. Like it was so hard, like it was. Difficult to keep my head above water. I was just exhausted and sad and confused and scared and frustrated and mad.

[00:35:43] Like I was all of the things and I didn't really know how to get out. And it, it. Suggested to me that I focus more on gratitude, which at the time seemed like, what do you mean? Yeah, I am grateful. Mm-hmm. But the thing about gratitude and about sunshine is that they're both instant mood lifters. Yeah. When I was a little girl and I would be sad or frustrated, all the things I just named my dad would tell me to go outside and rub some sunshine on my face and I still do it to this day.

[00:36:21] It truly. Sometimes all you need is to stick your head out of the window, go outside and just stand and find the sun. It literal it. It's, it's a proven fact that it will lift your mood. It's the same with gratitude. How can you be mad when you're writing down all of the blessings that you have in your life?

[00:36:40] And the thing is that there's gonna be somebody that's listening to. This is gonna say, but I don't have any blessings in my. , I don't have anything to be happy about. There is nothing going, I have nothing going for me. And for me, I look at it as like, if you even have the breath and the energy to say that that is a blessing.

[00:37:01] Yeah. If you have a pen to write that down, that's a blessing like, and, and also perspective is such a big thing. Whatever you feel like you don't have, somebody has less of it. Period. A hundred percent. Yeah. Period. You were never the lowest. You were also never the highest, right? Yeah. So if you realize that, then it's like, oh, I'm not doing so bad, but what, what I would say to.

[00:37:30] Encourage people who wanna delve in more delve, more into a positivity and gratitude practice. What I do is I'm really there on gratitude jars. So get a jar. Then I have to have a top. I like for mine to have a lid and a clear jar needs to be clear. And what I would challenge you to do is every day, write down something that you are grateful for.

[00:37:53] Write the date and write something down. Now here's the thing. Some days it's gonna. I got a bonus check for $10,000. Mm-hmm , that's a big thing. Yes. Other days it's gonna be my ankle doesn't hurt as bad today. Mm-hmm , I'm grateful for that. It might be. My brother, let me do my podcast in peace today.

[00:38:16] Sadie: yeah.

[00:38:16] Only interrupted one time instead of five

[00:38:19] Ashley: you know it might be like, you know, I, I had enough money for gas today. Whatever it is, there is something and it, and it teaches you, it trains your mind that there's always good in the midst of what feels like bad. There's always good. And so what I, what you do is you put something in every day.

[00:38:43] I let you do it. I do it every year, but for some people, whatever, you wanna do it for a month and just see how it goes. And then at the end of the year, I dump it all out. And when you go through your year, You're like, wow. Wow. I, there were so many blessings, so many wonderful things happened to me. And what I find that's most interesting is that typically when I go through my gratitude jar at the end of the year, most of the things I put in are about other people.

[00:39:11] Yes. It's not, it's not about me. It's I had a. Podcast with this wonder interview with this wonderful young lady named Sadie, she really touched me or, you know, I saw my neighbor, you know, that her car got fixed. I had been broken for three months. I'm really happy about I'm grateful that that happened to her.

[00:39:29] And that shows you that you're really on the right path. So get a gratitude jar and, and get into the daily practice of being grateful for something, at least one thing,

[00:39:39] Sadie: every. I love that so much. And it's something that's very possible to implement. It's a something you can add to your night routine, your morning routine.

[00:39:47] And I also think for people. like you mentioned that are struggling with that hopelessness, that suicidal ideation that why having that perspective of how much other people are impacting you think about how much you're likely impacting them. And yes, being that moment that they're so grateful for and being that moment that made their day.

[00:40:05] And I think that's something that, that gives you a lot of hope and, and adds to that. Why even if it's not the full reason, it's, it's something. I love that. Well, if people want to listen to your podcast, if they wanna watch your show, all of the things, where can they continue to consume your content?

[00:40:23] Ashley: Oh, okay. So if you want to listen to the podcast we are available. Any and everywhere. You can find this on Instagram at trials to triumphs pod. Let's see if you wanna watch my show. Dear white people. Sadly we have no more seasons coming, which I know people somehow miss that, but you can catch all four seasons still available on Netflix.

[00:40:44] Mm-hmm I'm on a show called grand crew, which is on NBC. You can catch all of those episodes on NBC. Or Hulu. And I'm coming to run the world, which is a show on stars sometime this year. So

[00:40:56] Sadie: that's

[00:40:56] Ashley: happening too. Awesome. So look out for that.

[00:40:59] Sadie: Yeah. All of those will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for sitting down with me.

[00:41:03] I'm so glad to, of course this. Thank you, Sadie. I appreciate it. Of course. Of course.

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