195. Your Family Vacation Survival Guide: Coping Skills, Boundaries, & More!

Jul 11

listen to this episode:

In this week's solo episode, I talk about how to handle family vacations this summer. The uncertainty and social dynamics that come with family vacations can be a stressor for many people— you're not alone! So, I share my favorite coping skills you can use to handle any challenges that come your way this summer.

I discuss:

+ The importance of recharging your social battery for your mental health

+ Understanding your family's expectations for your vacation

+ How to prepare for extended periods of time with your family

+ Coping skills for if you're experiencing stress or conflict on a trip

+ Tips for practicing your communication skills & setting boundaries

+ Why family vacations can make you extra emotionally vulnerable

+ Practicing gratitude & how that can help your overall family dynamic

+ so much more!

Mentioned In The Episode…

+ Mini: Two Quick Tricks to Prevent a Panic Attack

SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOC

About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)

After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.

a note: this is an automated transcription so please ignore any accidental misspellings!

Welcome to She Persisted. I'm your host, Sadie Sutton, a 19-year-old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of Penn. She Persisted is the Teen Mental Health Podcast made for teenagers by a teen. In each episode, I'll bring you authentic, accessible, and relatable conversations about every aspect of mental wellness. You can expect evidence-based, teen-approved resources, coping skills, including lots of DBT insights and education in each piece of content you consume. She Persisted offers you a safe space to feel validated and understood in your struggle, while encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and build your life worth living. So let's dive in this week on She Persisted.

When you are on any kind of trip or vacation or in a new environment, you're not able to be on autopilot and use your same skills and routines and you're not seeing the same people that you do most of the time. And so your support system is going to look a little bit different, your daily routine is going to look different. So you have to be more intentional and proactive and expect maybe a little bit more distress than you would in your home environment.

Hello, hello, and welcome back to She Persisted. I am so excited you're here today. It has been a long time since I've done a solo episode. It's only been five episodes, but we've skipped a couple of weeks. And there, we've been doing the minis, which you guys have really been loving. We're charting, which is really exciting and incredible, and I know you guys have heard from me more because of that. I've just sat down, caught up with you guys, gotten to ramble for an hour in front of the microphone, but I am really excited for this episode because we are in the summer season and there's a lot of holiday weekends. If you're out of school, whether you're in high school or college, you're probably spending a lot more time with family and that can bring up a lot of emotions. Your coping skills are really tested, and especially if you're not used to that level of family time, it can be challenging.

And when I was thinking about this episode, I was like, is this a universal challenge? Is this just something I go through? Is this an episode where everyone's like, what are you talking about? Like, this isn't a thing. And I do feel that my experience of this being stressful is probably a little bit exacerbated because when I was in high school, I went to intensive treatment for a year and a half, and 14 months of that was at a boarding school, where I was really seeing my family face to face every six weeks, at the least, if not longer. And at the beginning, it was months before I saw them, and it was like six months before I went home and spent a week with family. And so these were really drastic differences between me being in treatment, surrounded by peers and staff, and then going home and being surrounded by family. And I have three younger siblings, we have two dogs, things are always happening in our house. It's not as chaotic as it used to be because we're all getting older, but it was a really stark difference. And we weren't getting that practice on a day-to-day basis of how to handle dynamics, conflict, and setting boundaries and just passing the time.

And so I remember that being one of the most challenging experiences in treatment and post-treatment was navigating those intense periods of family time and being like, do I have the skills? Can I do this? Can this be a quote unquote success? And there were all these other layers added on there at that time, having to do with the trouble teen industry and those beliefs like you want to be good enough to go home and you want your visit to be a success so that you're not put farther back on your journey. And seeing your family was a privilege, not a right. And so there were a lot of layers that added to the stress and are not typical in treatment if you're going to an evidence-based program. But all of that to say, I have a lot of things to say and skills to use when it comes to navigating lots of family time or family vacations because I had that odd experience of being away from family for a really long time and then being back in that environment and feeling like there was a lot riding on it. And also, those were periods of time where my mental health was really bad, and so those emotions were amplified. Coping skills weren't as solidified or effective. And so I'm hoping that this will be universally helpful and at least give you a couple of extra skills that you can pull from this summer or whenever you're listening to this episode.

So the first thing that I want to touch on is your social battery and being introvert versus extrovert. I had a therapy session recently, and my therapist brought up something really interesting that I've still been thinking about, which is your mental health and social battery getting confused and intertwined. And I don't know about you guys, but when I think about, like, a successful, happy, thriving person, a lot of the times I picture, like, lots of commitments throughout the day and lots of relationships that you're engaging in. And just from point A to point B, and you're doing all these things and seeing all these people, but I think about having to do that on a day-to-day basis like that sounds really exhausting and that sounds really overwhelming. And it doesn't sound like something that would fill my cup or make my mental health feel super great, because I value time to be alone and recharge and recover from social interactions. I am more of an introvert. And I think this is challenging when you've struggled with depression or you have a tendency to avoid or you're working on improving and building relationships because success in those areas means being really engaged and involved in relationships and having those commitments to go to. But from a social battery perspective, having time to yourself to recharge and fill up your social battery and make sure that your mental health is in a good place is also really important, and allows you to show up as the best version of yourself. But we can kind of confuse refilling our social battery with negative mental health symptoms if that makes sense.

Like, when we think of someone that's depressed or lonely, they're isolating, they're not spending time with people, they're not out and about, going from point A to point B, and all of these things. And, that's also what it looks like when an introvert is recharging and preparing to then go and socialize and be out and about and do all the things. And so I've been trying to have more mindfulness around when am I refilling my social battery? and when am I actively not doing things for no reason if that makes sense. This is quite the ramble, but basically I think going into any social commitment, especially family vacations or family time, it's really important to be aware of what your social battery is and at what point you stop showing up as your best self because you need time to recharge or talk to friends or take time to yourself. And we're going to get into how to advocate for that, but I think that is the first piece, is that awareness.

And so I think over the past couple of years, I've gotten much better at identifying what that line is for me, and at what point I need more time to myself and how many hours a day or how many days I can show up as the best version of myself where I'm like, okay, I'm good, I need to read my book for a while, I'm going to need to sit here quietly and not actively engage. And having that awareness has allowed me to show up as a much better version of myself, rather than expecting myself to show up 100%, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and getting really irritable and snappy and not making it an enjoyable experience for everyone else. I think that's another thing as well that I want to keep in mind here is that it's a two-way street. It's not just, when do you start to not feel your best in social interactions, but when are you taking away from others' experiences? I know that when I have my social battery too low, or I haven't slept well, or I'm hangry, or I'm really stressed, or I'm focused on something for work, and I'm trying to be in a social situation, I'm not as fun to be around, and it's not as fun of an experience for other people because I'm not bringing the best version of myself.

So I think it's also important to understand that and have that lens. This isn't just a selfish thing to be aware of, like, when do I feel annoyed because my social battery is low, but also when am I starting to take away from this social situation or this event or this time that people are spending together because I'm not showing up as the best version of myself. And I think when you are able to have those boundaries, and advocate correctly and know your limits, I think the people around you appreciate that a lot more than you just trying to push through and show up no matter how you feel or what's going on. Yeah, that's my thoughts. That's my hot take. So anyways, step one is to be really aware of what your social battery is and whether you're more introverted or extroverted, especially around family. And everyone has different family dynamics. I don't know. When you guys go on family vacation, is the expectation that you're all around each other talking 24/7? Is the expectation like, oh, it's okay if we all hang out and read our books together? Or, well, all my siblings and I just like sit in bed and watch TV at the end of the day. And we don't have to be talking or engaging or playing a game or whatever it is. And so, kind of understanding what those guidelines look like when you will be able to recharge or maybe have time for yourself and going into it, having an awareness of when you might need to advocate for those pockets of time.

So that's the first thing. The second thing I would do from a preventative planning perspective going into family vacations is be really intentional and proactive about coping skills. In the early days when I was coming home from 3East or coming home from therapy to boarding school to spend time with family, that meant having a written-out visit plan and being like, if this happens, these are the skills I'll use. If I feel this way, this is who I'll call. I'll call the unit twice to check in and let them know what skills I'm using. It was much more scaffolded and now it's like, okay, I'm packing like this many books so I have something to do. I'm aiming to only be on my phone this much every day so I'm present and engaged. My siblings and I have an agreement around how we spend our time after we've come back from an activity for the day. My family has more of an understanding about how family dinners go and that we're not on our phones, but we're engaging and then other times of the day. There's more times where we can relax and just hang out. I think what's also been cool and fun about getting older and my siblings and I no longer being young and needing adult supervision all the time is that there is more flexibility and space for that. Like if someone's sick or not doing well or really low energy, being able to opt out of doing something that one day and everyone else can still have a great time. And then you spend the rest of the day together. And so there's less of that pressure and structure around everyone has to be together all the time because that's just a necessity, which I'm the oldest, so that was kind of part of family vacations for a very long time.

So, I would say, be very intentional about the coping skills you're going to use and how you're going to tolerate distress if that arises. And if you're someone that's like, I am expecting a lot of distress, I am just trying to make it through this family vacation, scaffold that a lot. Make a plan like, if I feel angry, I'm calling this person. If I'm just feeling a little bit anxious, I'll text this friend. I've downloaded movies for the flight. I am downloading these books on my Kindle so that I have something to do. I am making sure that I am getting this many hours of sleep every night and I'm making sure that I'm drinking enough water and getting enough food so I'm not hangry and doing everything possible to give yourself the best chance emotionally. And you have a list on your phone and you're like, I'm going to use the tip skill or I'm going to make sure I know where the gym is in case I need to do some intense exercise. And I'm going to remember to do my deep breathing and my phone screen is square breathing, whatever it is. So you could really scaffold it or you could have a more flexible approach and be like, I've brought books so I have a socially acceptable way to kind of be more introverted and spend some time to myself. I'm going to make sure that I text and check in with friends like twice throughout the week just so that I am able to let out any stress if needed. I feel good about my ability to set a boundary or bring up something challenging with family members, and I know what to expect on a day-to-day basis.

So however much scaffolding you need, go for it. Do a lot of scaffolding, not as much, but definitely have some idea and intentionality around coping skills and what to do if things get overwhelming. And on that note, now getting more into what to do when you're actually on vacation and tolerating distress in the moment. We're going to do a couple of skills that you can use if you're like, I'm really freaking out. Maybe you're having a conflict with a sibling. That's happened many times on our family vacation. Maybe you're feeling anxious and you just need time by yourself. Maybe you're feeling a lower mood. All of these things have happened to me many, many, many times. And there's also been lots of times where I've not handled these things effectively. And it has become a whole ordeal, but in the best-case scenario, if you need to take some time away and use those coping skills, or you need to get away from a dinner or an activity or just need some time to yourself, whatever it is, I would recommend using a Dear Man. And I would definitely do an abbreviated one, because I think you won't have the emotional capacity to describe and express, and reinforce when you're like, literally freaking out and have so much anxiety. But also I think it just is more effective based on the situation, especially if it's a casual ask, but I would definitely make sure to offer some description.

And like, we've been out and about all day. I haven't had any time to myself. We've been go, go, go since 7 a.m. this morning. I'm feeling really anxious and overwhelmed and honestly just having trouble being present and engaged in dinner right now. Can I take five minutes to just sit outside, get some fresh air, ground myself, and then come back to the dinner? I think I'll be a much better version of myself and be able to engage. And with that, you're trying to find something that's reinforcing for the other person. And this can be more challenging when you're asking for time for yourself, but I think leaning on how you'll better contribute to the situation is a great route to go. Hopefully, they'll say, yeah, of course, that's totally fine. Or maybe you wouldn't even have to ask in that situation, but that's kind of an example. And maybe it's a bigger ask, like, we've spent the last three days doing all of our activities together, all day, every day, and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and anxious, and I'm sure you've noticed that I've been having a difficult time showing up as the best version of myself. Would it be okay if I spent the morning by myself and then met up with you guys this afternoon? I really think I'll be able to show up as a better version of myself and be more engaged and hopefully bring more positive energy to the group and make sure that everyone's having a great time. And also, the next couple of days, be more recharged and refreshed and able to participate. And you can negotiate, and maybe they'll be like, no, but you can go to breakfast early by yourself, and then we can meet up for the rest of the day, whatever it is.

So, those are two ways I would use Dear Man. I think this is a much easier and more effective ask, especially if it's a bit preventative and proactive, rather than you, like, having an anxiety attack or getting in an argument or getting really snappy or irritable. The next thing that I would also say is helpful on family vacations, and this is something that my family has kind of evolved and adapted over the years, having more open communication and feedback around how trips have gone. I think we've all in hindsight been like, that was really stressful and there was a lot of arguing happening. We're like, you know what? That was great. Everyone was in a good mood. We all participated. There was a good balance of relaxing and doing activities. And we started to be more vocal about that. And I don't know if feedback is the right word but kind of just discussing how that went. And it's great when my parents are like, you guys did a great job on that trip and we were so proud of how you showed up and got to spend time with everyone. Or everyone was really effective and responsible. Or, you know what, it was really busy and I think we're all feeling a little stressed and overwhelmed after that. Or, it would have been great to have more time where we had down days and just kind of hang out rather than be like go, go, go, go, go the entire time. And I think as a family that's allowed us to be more intentional with how we plan things.

Shout out to my parents who are often times planning things. But we also will sometimes take on some of the planning roles with dinners or lunches or reservations, or if we wanted to do an activity. And so when people are communicating about how they think the balance of the trip is going, then whoever's planning, whether it's us or my parents, is able to be like, okay, we'll do three nights where we'll go to dinner and then one night maybe we'll plan for a chill, relaxed, just hang out casual night. Or we'll do two nice dinners where we all get dressed up and it's a whole thing and then the other nights we'll do something much more chill and casual and we can just go and hang out and not have that be a three-hour-long situation. Again, this dynamic shifted for our family as a whole, but I think if you want to be the one that starts that and be like, I had a really great time with how we planned this trip. I loved our casual dinners. I felt like we were all laughing and having a great time or it was really fun that we had two nights where we all got dressed up and got to take photos and really just had a great time with the trip. Or we had so many activities and we were going from point A to point B the entire time and I really enjoyed that one afternoon where we got to relax. It'd be so fun if we got to do that again next time. You can start that conversation and if you have siblings or parents that chime in, I think that's been really effective and helpful for us to kind of get a pulse on how things are going and plan things accordingly. And I think as a result, we all show up as better selves on these trips. We're able to spend more time together. It's like good quality time that we enjoy and no one is leaving the trip like stressed and burnt out and overwhelmed and all the things.

So communicating how the trip went for everyone and things that they liked and wanted to incorporate more and things that they're like, you know what next time let's skip that. Like one time we did a horseback ride in Oregon and we went with our family friends and it was like a hundred degrees out, but we'd had fun in the past horseback riding and so our family friend asked me, she was like, hey Sadie do you think we should do the 45 minutes or like do you think we should do the 20 or like the 45 minute horseback ride? I was like, definitely 45, everyone's gonna love this. It's gonna be so great. Definitely the 45 minutes. And when I tell you guys every single 45 minutes of this was in the direct burning sunlight, desert, no shade, it was so hot. And we're like walking through this desert and there's patches of trees, and we're like, oh, are we gonna go over there and walk in the shade? And the guide was like, no, this is the path, we just stay here in the sun. We were all dying, we were all overheating. At the end, almost everyone jumped into a river to try and cool down. And after that, we had a little recap and we were like, you know what, that was too long of a horseback ride and it was much too hot to be doing that activity. And next time we will do the 20 minutes, if a horseback ride at all. And now we laugh about it and it's a hilarious story. But it's helpful to communicate and make sure everyone's on the pulse of those things because I, going into it, was like everyone's gonna love a 45-minute horseback ride. Is there an option to go longer because this is gonna be such a hit and it was not a hit.

So I think that can be really helpful and I know it's harder as a kid to be the one starting that conversation. But I think even if you're just doing it casually, it can be a great way to kind of make sure everyone's on the same page and knows what their boundaries and limits are. Another thing that's been really helpful for me going into trips is kind of having some idea of what the activities or itinerary is going to be. And this could be just like okay we are flying on these days and we have dinner reservations on these days throughout the week or this place is nice, this place is more casual and I'm a little type A, anxiety prone. I like to kind of plan these things and understand when there will be times to relax and when there's time to work, meeting up with friends or there's a more structured activity. That's really helpful for me to plan and not have that anxiety of like, oh my gosh, I don't know when I'm gonna have to be socially on and go go go for the entire day. And so if you can ask for a general idea of what that's going to look like. And even if you're listening and you're an adult and you're planning your own trip with friends, I think this is something that's really easy to do for yourself and putting it on your calendar and just blocking things in and being like, okay, this time we have dinner and this day we said we were going to get breakfast at this time. This is when we have to drive here. And so this is the block where if I need time to myself, this is when I do that. And you can literally do that in your normal routine throughout the week, but especially if there's more things changing. That's really helpful.

I think it's kind of the TLDR here is when you are on any kind of trip or vacation or in a new environment, you're not able to be on autopilot and use your same skills and routines and you're not seeing the same people that you do most of the time. And so your support system is going to look a little bit different, your daily routine is going to look different. So you have to be more intentional and proactive and expect maybe a little bit more distress than you would in your home environment. Another thing that I will throw into this general concept of checking in and getting a pulse on how people are doing early on when I would go home and visit from when I was in treatment or I would spend the weekend with my parents when they came to see me at residential, we would have these more daily structured check-ins where it was like, how are you doing? Are you feeling depressed? Are you feeling anxious? How are urges going? And it was much more structured so that they were able to check in with me, I was able to practice being more vulnerable and communicating my needs, but I think that idea has kind of continued to be something that's helpful on these family vacations and in these dynamics. But if you are someone who is expecting this trip to be very stressful and overwhelming or expecting distress to arise, putting in those more structured check-ins and like, at night, can we just talk about how the day went and how I'm feeling and it was really anxiety-provoking, or if things are going okay, or like, if I'm feeling depressed, or actually everything's fine. So, I did want to add that on there, where it can be more structured, and adapt beyond just like, hey, how did that go for everyone?

And then the next thing that I wanted to touch on is specific coping skills that I pull from when I'm on family vacations or specific coping skills that are easy to use in these kind of environments where you're away from home, you don't have your normal routine, you're not able to probably like call your friends or reach out to your normal support system. The first one that I would definitely go for is STOP. This is from the DBT Distress Tolerance module, and it's STOP, Take a Step Back, Observe, and Proceed Mindfully. And I think this is really helpful in interpersonal situations, whether there's conflict, or you're just around different people than normal, if you're in a new environment and you're feeling more anxious, or lonely, or overwhelmed, or just not at ease, being able to stop and like physically or mentally take a step back from the situation. Observe, not only what's going wrong around you, maybe it's what the other person said, maybe it's how you reacted, but also emotionally, how am I feeling, what am I thinking, am I sweating, are my fists clenched, am I feeling like I'm going to start crying, whatever it is, being really aware of that and then coming up with a plan to proceed mindfully like what skills I'm gonna use. Am I gonna use a Dear Man? Am I gonna try and take five minutes to myself? Am I going to advocate for time for myself tomorrow? Am I gonna reflect on this during our nightly check-in? All the things we just talked about, whatever it is. I think the STOP skill is always a really good place to start.

There are also a lot of skills that I learned in especially, group therapy, navigating anxiety in settings like restaurants, or just when you're around a lot of people. And one of them was patting, like crossing your arms over your chest, so one hand is on each shoulder and alternating patting those hands. So, your arms are crossed and you pat your left shoulder, then your right shoulder, your left shoulder, then your right shoulder. And I don't know if this is actually accurate, but basically when we use our right hand, we're activating the left side of our brain. When we use our left hand, we're activating the right side of our brain. And so the idea is that by tapping those alternate sides, you A have something very tactile to focus on, and you're trying to repeat this pattern, which kind of takes you out of the mental, but apparently it also helps with your brain signals and using both sides of your brain. But at least having the pattern and something physical to focus on is very calming and you line it up with your breath. Deep breathing is a huge one, especially if you're in a family environment or you're having conflict or you're in a restaurant and things are just busy. That is a skill you can use anywhere. I really like counting as well, counting things around you. Maybe there's floor tiles and you're counting however many of them you can see. Or you are counting as high as you can in multiples. So your brain is working a little bit to kind of think about what's coming next. Another good one that most people have heard of is five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, one thing you can taste. I might have gotten the order wrong, but that's another great counting one that you can do anywhere anytime.

I'm a very good mental pep talk girl. Like it's gonna be okay. You're gonna get through this, we're doing our deep breathing, we're counting things around us, it is going to be all right, and just kind of having that on repeat in my head. It kind of breaks up the thoughts, but also it's very encouraging. And mentally it's very helpful for me. You guys know that like, if it's a panic attack, I love, love love an ice dive. We just did a mini episode about how to survive a panic attack and you should listen to that. I'll link it in the show notes, but that gives you some really tactile and tangible skills that you can use if you absolutely need to tolerate some extreme distress. And then we talked about some communication skills that you can pull from and use. I think over communicating in these situations, how you're feeling, how it's going, is really helpful and appreciated by other people. And also, distraction. I think especially when you're in a new environment and it's for a short period of time, distraction is warranted and okay. If you're not familiar with distraction as a coping skill, we want to use that very short term because we can't just avoid everything forever. It's going to get more overwhelming and come back bigger and bite us in the butt. But if you're like on a family vacation and you're in a restaurant and it's feeling really overwhelming, reading your book or talking to someone instead of thinking about it and sitting with that emotion in that moment. Or if you're anxious about traveling and going on a flight or being in a car for a long time, whatever it is, watching a movie you like, watching a show you like, reading a book that you've been wanting to read. Those distraction skills can be really helpful in that short term when it's a short amount of time that you expect to experience anxiety.

And then you guys know I talk about this all the time, but emotional vulnerability is like how susceptible you are to experiencing intense emotions. And being on a family vacation is like a masterclass in emotional vulnerabilities. You're in a new place, you're not going to have your same night routine and sleep routines. Your sleep's probably going to be a little bit off. It's not as easy to get in your normal scheduled meals and snacks. You might be a little bit more hangry. You're using a different support system. You're around people more than you are normally. All of these things add to your emotional vulnerability. So doing anything you can to boost that emotional vulnerability, which is what we're talking about in this episode, like preparing as far as the coping skills you're going to use, and setting boundaries, and having those check-ins put in place, all of those things will help reduce and prevent that as much as possible.

And then the last thing that I'm going to mention for this episode is reinforcing and expressing gratitude around these boundaries or skills that you're setting. If you are in the process or you and your family are like working on things in therapy or you're getting better at being vulnerable and they're getting better at validating, whatever it is, anything that you can do to reinforce those behaviors in your siblings or your parents or even yourself, do some self-validation, is huge. So if you set your boundary of like, can I spend five minutes outside doing some deep breathing and then I'll be right back in a better version of myself, and your parents are like, sure, go for it. When you come back, thank you so much. That was really really really helpful for me to just ground myself. I'm feeling a lot better, and I really appreciate you guys accommodating that request. Can I spend tomorrow morning by myself and then regroup and be way more present and participate? Sure? I guess that's fine. We don't really have anything planned. Thank you so much. This really allowed me to recharge, and I'm really excited to engage and be more present, and I have all my coping skills and I spent this time really thinking about how I can be the best version of myself, and I really hope you can see that during the next couple of days. Or you check in, and you're like, today was really anxious and overwhelming, and I honestly was kind of stressed, but I used my coping skills, and I was proud of myself. And your parents are like, okay, that's great. Thank you so much for sharing with us. We're so proud of you for using your coping skills and let us know if there's anything we can do if you're feeling anxious. You respond. Reinforce. Thank you so, so, so much for saying that. That really means a lot to me. You have no idea how much it feels good to feel heard and seen and respected. I just appreciate you guys listening and being willing to hear me check in and tell you how the day went for me. Anything like that you can do, go for it. That's how you reinforce those behaviors and increase the likelihood of them happening again. And then afterwards, we talked about like, okay, check in with the group. What went well? What didn't? How was the balance? But also, you can afterwards do reinforcement of the things that were helpful. Like, I really, really, really appreciated how you guys structured this, this way. I really appreciate that you guys made the time every night to check in with me and see how things were going. I really appreciated that you guys were mindful and okay with me going outside to do my deep breathing or spending time to myself at the end of the day. I could read my book and just kind of recharge a little bit. Reinforce those at the end of the trip and also gratitude for people making space for that is another big thing.

So those are my family vacation skills, ideas, tips, tricks. Basically, the idea here is that you're going to have more vulnerability because you're not in your normal routine and you're not using your normal support system and there's going to be stressors that you can't control and solve for. So, what we're going to do is we're going to communicate that ahead of time to the people around us. We're going to set boundaries and make sure we're showing up as the best version of ourselves and that could be maybe related to your social battery or if you're stressed or overwhelmed you need to take some time to yourself. Whatever it is, we're going to be really preventative and proactive with our coping skills, make sure we have a plan going in, lean on distraction if that's necessary because this is a short-term situation. And then afterwards, we're going to communicate, recap, discuss how it went for everyone and reinforce as much as possible the things that worked and went well, especially if in the past family vacations meant more arguing or bickering, conflict or whatever it is. Reinforcing things that went well and boundaries that were respected is really, really huge.

I would love to hear from you guys if this was helpful. What are your tips for family vacations? Did I forget anything? Do you have any funny stories? Let me know. And I also want to really, really, really emphasize here that I've had a lot of bad family vacations. I think at any point when I was depressed and anxious, I was like the worst participant and member on the family vacation. I also missed so many because I was in treatment or I just couldn't go. I wasn't mentally in the spot. The mental health was the priority at that point. And I just couldn't show up for those things at that time. Because I was like going to therapy every day or whatever it was. So if you're listening to this and you're like, wow, these sound great, but like I am struggling to do my deep breathing, it's the only skill I'm using. I get it. I've been there. And again, I have not been the best version of myself on many a family vacation. And luckily my parents and siblings have given me a lot of grace with that and I think we're in a really good spot now, which is really cool. And so I hope these tips are helpful. Give yourself grace. You will get there. I'm still getting there. This is a journey. And yes, let me know what you guys think, and I'll talk to you on Monday for a mini!

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