130. Making Goals and Getting Motivated: Easy Ways to Increase Productivity & Achieve Your Ambitions feat. Kate Stone

Jan 12

listen to this episode:

Today's guest is Kate Stone, an actress, founder of the HeartSpeak Empowerment School, college coach, and creator of The 30-Day Motivation Text Challenge. In this episode, we discuss how to create and prioritize goals, why people struggle to be motivated and achieve their goals, hacks and mantras for boosting daily motivation, why teenagers in particular can struggle with motivation, and how teens can make goals that boost their self-esteem and college admissions chances.

Kate's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katefrancestone/?hl=en

Mentioned In The Episode…

+ The 90 Day Plan Workshop

+ HeartSpeak Program

+ 30-Day Motivation Text Challenge

+ Abraham-Hicks

SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOC

Episode Sponsors

🎧 Tigress by Nadya Okamoto: This is my unedited and rather unfiltered reflection on where I find myself right now -- a work in progress, channeling my inner tigress.

About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)

After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.

a note: this is an automated transcription so please ignore any accidental misspellings!

sadie: [00:00:00] Welcome to She Persisted. I'm your host, Sadie Sutton, a 19 year old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of Penn. She Persisted is the Teen Mental Health Podcast made for teenagers by a teen. In each episode, I'll bring you authentic, accessible, and relatable conversations about every aspect of mental wellness.

You can expect evidence-based, teen approved resources, coping skills, including lots of D B T insights and education in. Each piece of content you consume, she persisted, Offers you a safe space to feel validated and understood in your struggle, while encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and build your life worth living.

So let's dive in this week on She persisted.

I mean, we learn math, science, and English, but we don't learn emotional agility or what do your thoughts even mean?

Or . Yeah. Or how to meditate or even how to eat properly so that you don't. , get overwhelmed with stress, you know? Yeah. We just, we don't learn like basic [00:01:00] foundational things in school and a lot of the time our families weren't teaching them to us either, unfortunately

sadie: Hello. Hello, and welcome back to She Persisted. My voice is going away.

I'm doing sorority rush, so I've had approximately 17 meetings in the past 48 hours. I'm tired of my own voice , so I will do this intro quickly, but I am so excited for today's episode. Last week we talked all about New year's resolutions and goal setting, and now it's time to implement and execute, and with that comes motivation and staying motivated.

Continuing to follow through even when you're not motivated. And so I'm so excited to have Kate Stone on the podcast today. She is the founder of Heart Speak, which is an inter educational program that helps teens transform how they're relating to their challenges. She's also a coach. She also helps teens write their college application essays. And so she's just a really amazing, insightful individual, and I'm so excited for this episode because she shares everything she knows about motivation [00:02:00] and motivating herself. Why we're not motivated, how to hack motivation, setting up your day to be as effective and productive as possible. . I'm so excited for you to listen to this. As always, if you enjoy this episode, make sure to share on social media, send it to a friend or family member, leave a review, you know, all the things. And with that, let's dive in.

Well thank you so much for joining me on. She Resisted. I'm so excited to have you on the show and talk all things motivation and your story. I'm so excited to be here too. I feel like you are such an amazing example for young people in terms of. You know, being motivated to go out there and learn new skills and put those skills into practice.

So thank you. It's just really cool. It's really cool to see what you're doing. Thank you. I appreciate that. So, to give some background, tell me your story, how you started working with teens in all these different ways, whether it's motivation, whether it's helping them with college essays, advocating through social media, all of these things.

How did you get to this point in your.[00:03:00] . Well, because I always get annoyed when people have like really long stories. on a podcast. I'll keep it short. I was a teenager who struggled, you know, and like really into my twenties. That whole period of young adulthood was just fraught for me.

Yeah. I didn't really know how to conduct my life. I didn't have the tools necessarily. And. , I just started teaching. And then I was also being mentored by people who are older than. . So everything I was learning at a really vulnerable point in my life, I was kind of like passing that down to even younger people, like 13, 14, 15.

And now I, you know, I was a teacher for a long time and now I, am a coach and I'm a college coach. I'm an empowerment coach. I have, , all these different programs for motivation and inner education. , and I just wanna help adults, young adults figure out how to make that transition into Delta just a little less.

Yeah, it's such a tough time and what [00:04:00] I've found from interviewing so many adults from a teen's perspective, and whenever I explained the show and she persisted that everyone as like teenage years were really hard, there's that universal experience of whether it was an identity shift, whether it was emotional regulation.

Whether it was the stress of school and expectations, there's really just that universal experience of being a teen is really, really tough. And you don't feel like you have the skills to navigate it as, as effectively as you could. Absolutely. I mean, we learn math, science, and English, but we don't learn emotional agility or what do your thoughts even mean?

Or . Yeah. Or how to meditate or even how to eat properly so that you don't. , get overwhelmed with stress, you know? Yeah. We just, we don't learn like basic foundational things in school and a lot of the time our families weren't teaching them to us either, unfortunately. Yeah. And it's those things that you need more than anything because [00:05:00] I always was very academically oriented and driven, and I had.

These goals, but I literally had to take a medical leave of absence because of my mental health. Like without that foundation, you can't even pursue those educational goals because you lose your ability to function. So it's just the absolute first thing you need to focus on. And it's crazy that we don't have those skills learned from preschool in elementary school and then especially in middle school and high.

I know. Think of like where our society would be right now if we did have those two. Yes. It's that meme of like if adults knew how to say Chipotle, like our society, if we taught kids how to regulate their emotions and to to stress and be mentally health conscious and all the things. Well, that's why we're going through this period right now.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean that's what this whole like global cultural reckoning is about. It's about we can't do what we've been doing. It's clearly not working and so it's not a bad thing. What you see out in the world is not a bad thing. It's, it's a moment of change. A hundred percent.

It's [00:06:00] happening. You know, I love that so much, and I completely agree, and I think Gen Z is doing it. So I'm hoping that things will actually shift and change for future generations. And I think there's so much potential, especially which, how much we're talking about mental health and the ways that we're advocating and all of that.

Yeah. I, I, I'm actually really excited to see what happens over the next five to 10. Yeah. , I think like the last three, and I think we're kind of still in the middle of it. , it's so interesting too, cuz the, as astrology totally predicted this period of time. Yeah. Which is so fascinating.

I remember like 10 years ago, my mentor who was really into astrology, told me, Katie, darling, it looks like in about eight years time the entire structures of our, of our world are going to collapse. And I was like, interesting. Love that. You know I like to say if bacteria can have such a significant impact on us, that's so small, why wouldn't giant, , cosmic bodies like the planets have an impact on [00:07:00] us here.

Mm-hmm. , you know, everything affects us. So Yeah, to the degree to which, how much it does, we don't know, but yeah. It'll be interesting. A hundred percent. Okay. So I'm so excited for this because most people just set their New Year's goals. They're starting a new semester. I feel like I just run on the school clock.

Like I always get excited when it's January setting new goals, but the way my brain works, I'm like September start of the year, that's how things kind of function. But I found. January is such a great time to reflect on your growth over the past year. It's a great checkpoint. I always use it as like, I have rollover goals, so I set all these crazy ambitious goals and then I'm like, okay, where am I at?

This is still my goal, so I'll keep working on it, but I'm super excited because I think that especially as we get out of the first couple of days of the new. , this is when people are struggling with motivation and consistency and how to actually follow through with these goals that they've set for themselves.

So starting with what gets in the way of [00:08:00] being motivated, , and your, your thoughts there of why we struggle to just execute once we have this seat planted. . Well, I think a big part of why we struggle to execute is that we think we have to start really big when really we have to start really small.

Yeah. , so here's how I look at the science of motivation. Motivation equals momentum. So it really begins, and I know it probably is annoying to hear this, but it begins with the very small choices like going to the gym, not for an hour, but for 20. To start just 20 minutes, that's really all you need to get going, but you need to make that 20 minutes consistent, right?

, or, you know, journaling in the morning. It doesn't have to be for an hour, it can be for five minutes. So making things that are really manageable and then stacking those up. Over time. Mm-hmm. , because when you stack up those feel good choices. You're building momentum in the [00:09:00] direction of motivation, and then the efforting you have to put in to get yourself to do something becomes less and less and less.

Mm-hmm. , because it starts to become a habit, I think within 21 days you've built a habit. It, it's like there's this science, this math to motivation. , it's actually totally fascinating. , it takes 21 days to start a habit, 12 weeks to find a groove, six months to lock it down, one year to crave it, and.

or more years to make it a part of your identity. Right. I love that. So it's pretty cool. Yeah. So you, you really underestimate how much time it takes to start to shift things in your life. Mm-hmm. . , but you overestimate how much you can do in a short period of time. You actually need to think much longer term.

I think that's so important. I think that's where I find myself getting really stuck is I have all these big goals and logically I'm like, I know you have to start small. I know it's all about habits and micro shifts and building that momentum, [00:10:00] but then I'm like, well, I have all these goals like.

immediately. So I would rather just try and have a bigger thing and skip that first part. And then of course inevitably I don't have that consistency and I don't follow through on that goal. So what do you say to people that are like, okay, but I have higher aspirations, so I don't wanna start with writing one word in the journal, or I don't wanna start with going to bed five minutes earlier, I wanna start with three hours earlier.

What do you say to those people that just kind of wanna skip to the end and. Hack motivation, even though that's not how it works. Well, if you wanna hack motivation, one of my favorite motivational hacks is when you wake up in the morning, you need to get yourself into forward motion. So whether that's a 10 minute walk, , or setting a very easy accomplishable task, you need to sort of get yourself and your body into forward.

And then you also need to set things up that are gonna give you those dopamine hits. Whether that's like, ooh, making my morning coffee, that gives me a dopamine [00:11:00] hit. It feels very ritualistic. It feels like I enjoy that part of the day. And I really stress this, an accomplishable task that's takes five minutes to do, five to seven minutes to do, it's done.

It'll give you that hino dopamine and it'll kind of launch you into the next thing. Mm-hmm. . But that's a really, really easy. , I use it all the time. . Yeah. You know, I daily have a lot on my to-do list. Mm-hmm. , , I'm building my business. There's a lot to do. , and then there are some days to be honest, like today I'm just not feeling very motivated.

So I have to look at the small things I can do that are gonna give me those dopamine. That will give me the momentum and launch me into the next stuff. The bigger stuff. Yeah. Right. , and then the other piece is you have to get really good at doing stuff when you don't wanna do it.

I mean, that's the truth of it. You have to be able to count down. from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm gonna do this. Get up, you know, get up off the couch. Stop wasting time. The most challenging thing with motivation and why [00:12:00] people don't do things is that they don't have the activation energy.

So you really have to think about, okay, this thing that I don't wanna do, but I wanna do it every day. How do I make this thing easier for me to accomplish? , how do I make this thing easier for me to do? There's something called the 22nd rule that I've heard about recently. I, I wanna, , give credit where credit is due, but I can't think of the person's name who came up with it.

, and what you need to do is make everything that you wanna do, 20 seconds easier to do. If you wanna go to the gym, sleep in your gym clothes, put your shoes by the bed, have everything ready to go. So it's 20 seconds easier to just get out the door and go. Yeah. , so that's my recommendation.

There are three things. Forward motion, activate your dopamine right away in the morning. It'll launch you into the next thing and make everything easier, 20 seconds easier if you can. Mm-hmm. , how do you decide what to prioritize when you have all these goals and feel like it's less of a logistical thing, like you're so many hours in a day, but what's helpful to start that really [00:13:00] gets that momentum going and then kind of seeps into these other areas?

Well actually it's not even about the first thing in the morning. It's actually the night before. It's the night before. It's what you do the night before to be perfectly honest. Because if you wake up in the morning and you haven't really gotten clear with what's on the agenda and what is first priority mm-hmm.

, then you're totally screwed. . Yeah. So you really need to start that night before. That's what I do. I make sure my schedule is organized and I make sure my schedule is. and prioritized by my goals. So for me, my goals are currently financial. So everything that I'm doing in my day is, is this gonna make me money?

Is this gonna fail my sales pipeline? Is this gonna put my sales and afford motion? So I know that everything I'm doing in the day is prioritized by its purpose. Mm-hmm. the ultimate goal, pushing that needle forward, right? Yeah. So if you're not clear on what that [00:14:00] goal. , and if you're not getting that clear the night before, then the morning of, it's discombobulation.

Yeah. You know? , how do you get clear on what that true goal is? Because I feel like especially with teens, we get so mixed up in what we're supposed to do or what's expected of us, or this is the next step. But it's only once you truly almost like get in your groove with figuring out like what your major is or what you're really interested in or what your career path is, that then you're able to prioritize.

Like, this is what I love doing and this is why. But as a team, there's so many decision. that you're making. There's so many ways you have to motivate yourself, but there's almost that disconnect with that internal purpose. So what is your advice for figuring out your why? Hmm. That's such a good question.

, well, first of all, I think the underlying apathy that teenagers feel is that a lot of their life is dictated to. Yeah. , from teachers and the school schedule and the school curriculums and what time you have to wake up and your [00:15:00] parents telling you what you need to think about and focus on, and it's like how much of your day is actually your decision and your choice?

I get it. A lot of students listening out there, have to go to school between the hours of eight and two or eight and three. Yeah. Right. So, but the rest of the day, right, the time that is yours, how much of that is dictated by your parents? How much of that is dictated by suggestions, oh, you should do this.

Why not? , instead of being like, actually, I'm just gonna choose so, that's my choice, that's my decision. , and see how that works out and see how that turns out. , it's kind of like the same idea. , when you get something for free, you're not as invested in it mm-hmm. , but when you invest in it financially or energetically or in some other way, y you don't want it to fail.

Like you wanna be a part of it, you wanna be a participant. You essentially have skin in. . Mm-hmm. . And so if you don't have any skin in the game in your life right now, then finding your why or [00:16:00] finding the thing that is exciting to you is gonna take longer to figure out because again, it's that activation energy.

You're trying to engage the activation energy, , because really, you know, getting excited or passionate about something is not about the thing or the object or the interest. It's just about you deciding you're gonna get. That's it. Yeah. It could be anything like, I've gotten interested in permaculture and knitting and, you know, wilderness camping and whatever.

I can get interested in anything. It's just about deciding that you are going to get excited about it. Mm-hmm. , you know, letting that energy flow through you, letting that be the cool thing that you do, I think maybe there's this feeling that some students have as like, I have to play cool.

I have to not get too passionate or excited about something, or like, I have to tone that down in myself. , let that role because the rest of your life is gonna be deterred by how excited you allow yourself to get for [00:17:00] things. Yeah. Because that excitement is going to need to be stoked like a fire until you're 80 years old.

if you want an exciting, fun. Yeah, it's so weird. It's totally, a teenage experience where , it's not safe to express your emotions it's feels more vulnerable and more raw to show that attachment to things. They saw this hilarious TikTok where this girl was opening.

I think it was like the Alex Earl drunk Elephant Bronzing drops such a niche reference, but like most girls, especially teenage girls, would be so excited. They'd be like, oh my God, I've seen these all over TikTok. These are sold out everywhere. I'm so excited. And this girl's like, and the mom was like, do you like those?

And she was, Yeah, and there was just no reaction. And I'm sure there were people in the comments that were like, she should be she should express it. This is an important thing to do. But I feel like as a teen, there almost is sometimes for some reason that fear.

About showing what you're interested in, whether it's a subject or an extracurricular, whether it's for fear of judgment, whether it's a [00:18:00] concern that you'll lose that thing, whether it's just more difficult to be vulnerable and express those emotions. Mm-hmm. , but I really do feel like that is unique to being a teen, and you kind of lose that a bit as an adult, and you obviously have that when you're younger, but there's that weird inner period where it's very vulnerable to express those interests and really embrace them and pursue them.

and I, I think you're right, it is very vulnerable, primarily because that, teenage period is all about social survival. Yeah. And so you just don't, you wanna blend in versus stand out in a lot of cases and. , you know, to have a really unique, specific interest. I think it's getting more and more acceptable to be cool that you have your own thing going on.

Yeah. I mean, look at you, right? . , but I think that in general, , there's the idea that you wanna blend in and, and then what happens there is when you temper that and when you dilute. You have to spend your twenties kind of building that up in yourself. Again, you have [00:19:00] to find your way back to that, which is what I had to do.

Yeah. , and so, what I would say is protect it. It's okay. You know? I get it. It's vulnerable. So if you have an interest, protect it. You don't need to tell everyone what you're doing. Mm-hmm. , you know, you don't need to promote yourself everywhere at first. But keep doing it, you know, even if it's like a secret thing that you do.

In fact that's almost more beautiful because you can really get to know it and learn more about it and explore it and have it be your own thing. In the age of social media, not everything has to be shared with everyone. Totally. It's really interesting because you go through this period where you start applying to colleges and it is those things that make you really unique and really different that set you apart and are celebrated.

But prior to that, again, it is really fitting in with the pack. It's not standing out, but when you are going through that process and everyone is trying to differentiate themselves, those unique parts are celebrated. Not only. People reading your application, but your peers as well. And I would say that's very true, in high [00:20:00] school, especially in the Bay Area.

And then I've also noticed that at Penn. So in some ways it's who you're surrounding yourself with. Obviously you can't control everyone you're spending time with, but if you have a hobby, you can do it in an extracurricular way, you can do something more. In an online community, there's so many different ways that you can connect with people.

Also pursuing their interests. , and really lean into that and have that be celebrated, because I think that can be really effective as well. Oh my gosh. You know, one of the things I, as a college coach, I wanna tell students who are in high school and preparing for that, which is don't rely on extracurriculars in high school.

Like, don't put all your energy into just high school. extracurriculars, yeah. Yes. Find other groups. , learn with adults, learn a new skill with other adults of a variety of different age groups. , because when you actually pursue something outside of the school container, yeah.

, it really tells admissions that you have a genuine interest and you're willing to think outside [00:21:00] the box and you. Capacity for agency that really speaks to them. , and it looks better to start doing independent study, , than necessarily only relying on the school container.

Yeah, because how many different extracurriculars can you really come up with In the school container, they tend to repeat. Mm-hmm. . So it's a lot harder to stand out on a college application, but when you're doing you know, a college course here or an online course here, going in a retreat with multiple different age groups on this, you know, there's just an opportunity for a lot more learning and a lot more exposure to different ideas.

Yeah, I've also found that the things I do independently are so much more long term. Like the random clubs that I was in in high school, I think I did one semester in Women in stem. I don't think I'm a woman in stem. So clearly that didn't last. I was in Red Cross Club also hasn't lasted, but the podcast, which I was doing around the same time, but is done independently and I.

Come into contact with so many amazing people like you that are doing similar things, having these conversations in these communities, that [00:22:00] is really what has the longevity and what I've continued to do. And I see that in myself and my peers, like those independent activities are really the ones that extend past high school.

And you also notice that Kids that go to college and they don't have a Red Cross club at college, they lose that interest. They lose that community. Then they're at a law. So like, okay, what defines me? What are my interests? What do I do with my time? And so it also gives such a great sense of stability and comfort as you make that transition.

And it helps as you continue to apply for things beyond college. . Yes. And it brings us back to motivation, which is the things that last are the ones that you chose, . Yeah. You know, in a conscious way that you've found and chose in a conscious way. Mm-hmm. . So, , yeah, finding those independent things that you can make yours.

That's it. Because motivation is really also about how you make meaning outta the things you're doing. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more

Hey there, I'm Naoto. Check out my show Tigress, which is basically [00:23:00] my unfiltered and unapologetic journey of being a work in progress. Like I hope that I am authentic and I try to be as unfiltered as I possibly can. I am so passionate about what I do from talking about periods to wanting to build community around the cause to.

Loving the business that I'm working on. Tune in each week on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever podcasts are streamed.

on the topic of motivation and momentum. When you have done your initial goal, whether it's like, I'm going to move my bedtime up five minutes earlier, I'm gonna wear my workout clothes overnight.

You do those initial things, you start getting consistent with that 20 minute workout or whatever the example is. How do you approach setting further goals, you can continue that momentum continue to grow and improve and, and not just show up for that 20 minute workout or that, that smaller goal.

How do you not, again, get stuck in that trap of like, let me set an insane goal overestimate and then just revert to no workout? Well, [00:24:00] I think that you want to start. With a big goal, like something that's almost kind of impossible to reach, you know what I mean? Yeah. , I, I, I think that a lot of the time what happens is that people set their goals too small and then they get bored.

which happens to me a lot. , because again, we need meaning, and it just depends on you, what motivates you. But I, I realized, oh wow, I need massive goals to stimulate me into action. Like, I need really, really big visions and ideas to get me going every day. , so yeah, when I'm clear about that really, really big goal, what I really love is I use this program called A 90 Day.

So I have three big goals. So maybe one of them is a financial goal. Maybe another one of those goals is brand visibility. And maybe another one of those goals is balance and health, right? , and so what I do is underneath [00:25:00] those three goals I have like, okay, here are my two strategies. Underneath the second goal, here are my two strategies.

So I essentially, what I'm doing is I'm taking these massive things and I'm breaking them all down into much more bite sizable bits. Mm-hmm. . And then I'm looking at 90 days. So I'm looking at, you know, , my weeks for 90 days, and I'm going, okay, these are things I need to be doing this week in order to move this further.

I love that. And then how does it grow? I need to be doing these like 5, 6, 7 things. And so I plan my 90 days by what I need to be doing each week to further those goals along. Mm-hmm. and I just mm-hmm. , you know, itemize it. I go one by one by one. , and then, so at the start of my week, I plan out my week.

Okay, so this is what I need to prioritize this week. This is what my week is going to look. . Mm-hmm. and I commit to that. Now, if I don't, if I don't follow through on that, I have to be [00:26:00] really honest with myself about what got in the way. So it's like, well, was scrolling more important than doing my exercise or, you know, submitting to 10 podcasts or to getting out on a hike with my dog.

Like, what became more important than this? and really look at that so you have to set those big goals. You need to break them down and you need to plan it out. Yeah. You really can't give yourself, people think, well, I wanna have a really big break in the day.

, sometimes that's not helpful. I used to think that I wanted a big break between my morning work and my evening work, and I experimented with that for a couple months and then I stopped doing. and I realized that I didn't wanna have that many breaks in the day that, , when I had too many breaks in the day, my momentum, my motivation decreased.

Mm-hmm. . So instead I filled my day with things that were moving in the direction of my goals. , and what that did is that increased my [00:27:00] motivation. Right? Yeah. So you have to look at like, do I have too much time as well on my. And if I have too much time, then what could I fill that time with?

What could I do? How could I enjoy myself? , how could I curate my days? Mm-hmm. so that it's really moving me in the direction of what I really want. Because if you don't, and you just kind of do what you've been doing, chances are the needle doesn't really move for you, you know? Mm-hmm. . To actually leverage ourselves into action and to change something about our life and to up level and like quantum leap our life, it actually takes an enormous amount of leveraged energy and willpower to make that change.

Yeah. It actually takes like quite a bit of energy. , cuz that's what I'm doing right now. It's, it's even surprised me how much energy is required to change aspects of yourself and your life. And that's, that's just the truth. It is not easy because most people would be [00:28:00] doing it if it was.

Mm-hmm. , what are your thoughts on the phrase I feel like is very popular on social media especially in the motivation. space, which is that when you're not being motivated, you're breaking promises to yourself, and that in turn impacts self-esteem and all these other areas related to mental health.

Do you think there's truth there or there's other things that can get in the way of motivation rather than not trusting yourself and not having a relationship with yourself? , like you mentioned, what got in the way or what was more important, or what did I prioritize instead? What are your thoughts?

Well, , I will say that, you know, I'm speaking to you now from a place of high productivity. Mm-hmm. , , but I wasn't always like this, you know? Yeah. , my late twenties, my early thirties, it was like two years there where I was just out in nature.

Every day I would go on these two hour long hikes. , my focus and work wasn't my priority. My priority was my self-esteem, my mental health, my connection to spirit, my connection to nature, [00:29:00] my stillness. Mm-hmm. But that still, that was my. And I committed to my goals. ? Yeah. Do you see what I mean?

So my self-esteem wasn't suffering because I was in alignment with my values. There was congruency. Mm-hmm. . Now my values have changed and I'm clear on that. My values are about productivity, are about putting myself out into the world, are about service, right? Mm-hmm. , and I'm committed to those goals. So my self-esteem is not suffering.

So when your self-esteem is suffering, it's because you want so, , you have not let yourself own the fact that you want. So, and you haven't gone about the process and the strategies for building your way towards that. So that's, that disconnect is where your self-esteem suffers.

I love that and I think that's really the piece that people are missing when they make that blanket statement of if you're breaking promises to yourself, you're doing yourself a huge disservice. And [00:30:00] I, I think what you just mentioned is huge and really understanding where. The negative parts of, , not falling through on something come in, which is that disconnect.

It is that almost like shame spiral that can happen when you're not allowing yourself to be invested in something or show that interest or pursue something. So I think that's a really helpful differentiation. , what are the things that you tell yourself, whether it's mantras or quotes that are helpful to have, , on hand to motivate yourself?

Oh gosh. This is such a good question because I've been thinking about this and I haven't been doing it. , here's the real strategy for maintaining motivation. So every night and every morning I write down my goals, and then I write down my wins. So I don't just write down my goals on January.

and then hope it works out. I write down my goals at the end of the day and at the beginning of the day, but I also write down my wins and [00:31:00] celebrations. Mm-hmm. , because my goals are often so big. I need to acknowledge everything I've done in the day to help me get there. And it gives you, again, it's leveraging that brain chemistry that, that dopamine hit.

It's like, wow, I did a lot today towards my goals. I'm really proud of what I did, and it doesn't have to be. Really physical action oriented things. It can be that your goals are to heal your mind, to calm your mind down, to learn how to relax, to learn how to be still to learn, not to beat yourself up.

That can be your goal. That was my goal for like two years. I was like, I'm gonna learn not to attack myself mentally anymore. So it's not about saying Hey, these are my goals. It's about, , fortifying those every single day , and making sure that you're listening to material that inspires and motivates you regularly.

The mind is really fickle. If you don't train it, it will just revert back to what it always does. . So you need to be thinking about, okay, [00:32:00] what are my resources? What are the things I'm listening to that are gonna help me train my mind in the direction of my goals? And how often am I listening to that stuff in the morning, at lunchtime in my afternoon, break in the evening?

You know, I listen to my business mentor when I go to the gym. That's what I listen to and it gets me amped to start the day. Mm-hmm. , that's my training. Doesn't even have to be all throughout the day, just 15 minutes in the morning. , listen to something.

Train your mind with the things that are important to you. But if you're not putting stuff in intentionally that that relates to the things you want, , it'll be harder to stay motivated. We all need coaches. We all need support, you know. What, , resources have you come across in your, your research of motivation that are your favorite insights or you found so inspiring, whether it's books or podcasts or TED talks or all the things that you're like, you have to listen to this, this was a game changer?

, good question. , so I obviously am talking for myself, but like, I [00:33:00] love Abraham Hicks. There's these YouTube videos that you can listen to that are really, really uplifting and they make you feel really good. You know, there's this idea that, , she talks about, which is the 17 second rule.

All you have to do is. Give yourself these affirmations and visualize something positive for 17 seconds to get that ball rolling, to get that momentum of positive energy moving in the right direction. That's all you really need is to stimulate, and I'm gonna come back to this because you know, to learn something is about repeating yourself.

That activation energy. So if you find yourself on a trajectory of negative talk, negative thinking, you have to grab a hold of yourself and turn the car around, you know, whatever you have to do. Whether it's to get out, like sometimes I would just go outside and get on a hike. When I was doing a lot of mind training, meditation, , I would get on the hike and I would just repeat affirmations to myself.

20 minutes on the hike. Sometimes I would shout, sometimes I would put movements to it, so that would help me. And luckily I was on a [00:34:00] trail in my backyard, but there were no people. Mm-hmm. . So I could like shout it out. It's good for making sure no bears come up with sneak up. . Exactly. . We used to do that at boarding school, except for we'd be like, Hey bear, we're coming, but you make all the sounds, you wave your arms,

Oh my God. Yeah. Gosh. It really is true though. It helps so much you have to learn. I think the number one thing with motivation is to learn how to manage your own energy to learn what makes you feel. You know, we talk about, you know, I don't know what my why is. Don't worry about your why.

Like what makes you feel good for me, I go to the sauna and I do my cold plunge. That activates me, my cold showers in the morning, my coffee in the morning, making sure I go to the gym and lift weights for 20 minutes. I don't try to do super long workouts personally, otherwise it's really hard to stay motivated for me to get there.

, and you really don't need more than 20 to 30 minutes at the. , , if you just wanna stay in shape, you know, or maintain. , so yeah, I, I think that, you have to know what gives you that dopamine hit, [00:35:00] what makes you feel good naturally. , and then do those things because even if you feel bad and you're feeling a lot of emotion and you feel really negative and crappy about, and you feel like everything just sucks.

Well just keep moving forward. Just keep taking one step in the direction of something that feels good, another step in the direction of something that feels good because the storm will pass. Emotion is just weather. The storm will pass. Maybe it takes a month, maybe it takes three months. Maybe it takes six months.

Probably not six months. If you're taking steps in the direction of something positive, don't clinging on to those emotions. Cuz as soon as you cling on, you claim them as your identity and , you're like, oh, I'm always like this God, this is, I can't believe this is what lives in me. Everybody else is so much happier living their best life and I'm not, , it's just not true.

The only mistake you're making is that you're clinging on to negative. Instead of taking action in some positive [00:36:00] direction. And once you're doing that, it'll start to collect and collect and collect, and your self-esteem will rise, and you'll feel that motivation and you'll start to feel that shift.

It'll be magical, but it's not. It's science. I love that. I think that's so, so, so helpful and give so many immediate steps that people can take to begin that motivation and really just jumpstart the process. Total left, left field question. You did this post a while ago that I really loved that I would love to get your insight on, which is that an instant cure almost, or like a reversal for depression is acts of service and going out and interacting with people.

And I read that and I. Whoa. Mind blown. So accurate. Crazy. Because I feel like that's all that people want is that immediate, how do I make this go away instantly? And I think there's so much truth of that idea of going out and giving back and doing what you wish you were receiving or how you wish you were feeling.

And so how did, [00:37:00] how did you comp that? What are your thoughts there? Just literally mind blown . Well, I don't know where this came from. It's so weird. , and maybe it came from the time I spent living in Asia. Mm-hmm. . I bet that was what it was. Cuz everybody in Bali was so loving and positive all the time.

And they'd be like, you'd like, just like say hi to everyone. Everyone was so positive and there was always a smile to give from everyone. Mm-hmm. . And then I came back to New York, , and I remember, cause I'd been over there like four years and I remember thinking, well, when I come back to New York, I'm just gonna bring this to everybody.

Yeah. And I'm gonna say hi to everybody on the train and all those people going in their financial jobs and, and I just wanna be like, , Santa for positive vibes. I just wanted to share the gifts everywhere. Mm-hmm. . And so it became my practice when I was struggling with depression in my twenties, that I would wake up every day and everybody I interacted with would be left in a more positive place than when they started.

I would smile, I would say hi, and I would mean [00:38:00] it. Mm-hmm. . , and I would feel so good just from doing that because I could. other people's response to that energy and they gave it right back to me to give is to receive.

, so that's how I discovered that was just that I made it my practice. , and also, you know, I was an actor in LA for 10 years, so when you have to go into. Rooms of executive producers and casting directors and directors. , if you are in a bad mood, if you're feeling low, they can tell Yeah. And you're probably not gonna get the job.

So to stay in a place of positivity and good energy was really, it was like a survival mechanism, to be able to put off positive. was a way that I earned a living . Mm-hmm. . Mm-hmm . That's what they were hiring me for, was how well I could leverage my own energy and present it out so that people would buy the product that we were advertising or whatever.

Yeah. Right. So you have to think about that. So that's how I learned how to do that, [00:39:00] is just learning how to manipulate and manage my own energy field. And you can learn how to do it too, in small ways. Yeah. And start with just deciding you're gonna give everybody a. . Mm-hmm. . I love that. You know, just start there and you'll see.

It's really kind of fun actually, cuz you meet people too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many pieces of insight, so many amazing takeaways. If people want to continue to consume your content and work with you and all of the things, where can they do that? Well, I would say follow me on Instagram. It's Kate. Stone France, like the country.

, and I'm doing a workshop coming up the 90 day plan. So if you're excited about this, go to university gurus.com/workshops. Awesome. And you'll see a free workshop called The 90 Day Plan, how to Realize and Achieve Your Dreams.

Sign up for that. We're gonna do the whole 90 day plan. It's gonna be really, really, The 90 day plan has changed my life, so I, I just really wanna share it with [00:40:00] my students. I love that. And the other thing is heart speak. We're launching Heart Speak again, the seven week program for inner education.

Everything from emotional agility to thoughts and feelings to stress, meditation, nutrition, sex, finances. So if you're interested in doing something more in depth with me, go to heart speak.school and check out all that I'm offering there too. We have a free community class coming up as well, so check that out.

Yay. All of those will be in the show. Thank you so much. I'm so glad that we got to have this conversation. Me too. This was really, really fun. Thank you, Sadie.

sadie: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of she persisted. If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family member, it really helps out the podcast. And if you haven't already leave a review on apple podcasts or Spotify, you can also make sure to follow along at actually persisted podcast on both Instagram and Tik TOK, and check out all the bonus resources, content and information on my website.

She persisted podcast.com. [00:41:00] Thanks for supporting. Keep persisting and I'll see you next week.

© 2020 She Persisted LLC. This podcast is copyrighted subject matter owned by She Persisted LLC and She Persisted LLC reserves all rights in and to the podcast. Any use without She Persisted LLC’s express prior written consent is prohibited.