61. Bite Sized Mindfulness for Adolescents feat. Kira Willey
Today I am joined by Kira Willey. Kira works to bring music, movement, and mindfulness to kids, in lots of different ways: through her books and music, with school programs and performances, and by working with educators and parents. Check out her website, books, and Instagram!
Kira and I cover the following topics…
+ What is mindfulness?
+ The importance of letting go of our judgments to be curious and kind as we observe what’s happening
+ The science behind what happens when we practice mindfulness
+ Quick ways you can implement mindfulness throughout your day
+ The difference between mindfulness and meditation
+ The benefits of regularly practicing mindfulness
+ A guided meditation body scan
Mentioned in the episode…
Episode Sponsors
🍓This week's episode is brought to you by Sakara. Sakara is a nutrition company that focuses on overall wellness, starting with what you eat. Use code XOSADIE at checkout for 20% your first order!
🛋This week's episode is sponsored by Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is an online therapy program with over 14,000 licensed therapists in their network offering support with depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and more via text, talk, and video counseling. Head to teencounseling.com/shepersisted to find a therapist today!
About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)
After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.
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sadie: Welcome to she persisted. I'm your host Sadie Sutton. Every Friday, I post interviews about mental health dialectical behavioral therapy and teenage life. These episodes break down my mental health journey, teach skills to help you cope with life and showcase testimonials from individuals, including teens, just like you.
Whether you've struggled yourself or just want to improve your mental fitness. This podcast is your inspiration to live a life you love and keep persisting.
This week on She Persisted…
kira: if you implement these, these bite-sized mindfulness on a consistent basis, you will get that time back. It will make your job easier. I promise. Right? So it's giving kids these skills to Deal with their anxiety to calm their stress, an outlet for some of these, these feelings that they have before it gets out of hand.
So if we can get these techniques into the school system, teach kids in that setting, what a gift to give them,
sadie: This week's DBT skills are the what and how skills. This truly is a two in one skill, which is why I'm doing both the Neo and the pod skills this week. So the, what skills of mindfulness are what you're doing when you're practicing mindfulness and the acronym for that is pod.
You are participating, observing and describing. You're fully 100% engaged in the moment you are observing what's going on around you, your thoughts in your head. You were open to what's going on and you're describing those things that are happening around you. The thoughts in your head, you're noticing what you see in front of you. The sounds that you can hear around you, and you're also observing and describing the thoughts coming in and out of your head without judgment which leads me right into the how skills, Neo, which stands for non-judgmentally effectively in one mindfully.
So when we're practicing mindfulness, we're letting go of the judgments, whether that's for descriptions of things going on around us, that we observe through our five senses or it's our thoughts inside of our head. We're not judging ourselves when we have a thought pass by.
We're not using terms like good or bad, we're just letting things be. You're being effective about the situation. This one, I feel. Applies more to when you're practicing mindfulness in your day-to-day life, rather than when you're in a practice. But if you're working on staying present in a relationship, what is effective in that interaction?
What is the path of released resistance to go about? And lastly, one mindfully. You're doing one thing at a time, whether that's focusing on your breathing, observing your thoughts, going through emotion, practicing, mindful, eating, whatever it is. You're doing one thing. So quick recap, when you're practicing mindfulness, you're participating, you're observing, you're describing and how you're doing those three things is non-judgmentally effectively in one mindfully.
So while we'll dive into mindfulness in so much more depth in this episode, I wanted to quickly share with you the DVT perspective on mindfulness before we dove in Hello everyone. And welcome back to another episode of she persisted. This week has totally snuck up on me. On Wednesday night, I freaked out and was like, Oh my God, I forgot to upload the podcast episode. I forgot to edit it. It's going to be up late.
And then last night I had a test and I just ended up being so overwhelmed by that, that now this episode is going to go up later on Friday. So things have just been crazy. In this week's intro, I kind of wanted to bring you into the work that I'm doing right now in my life, which is practicing, improving myself discipline.
So it was in therapy this week and I was talking about some different habits that I wanted to increase in my life, and that was getting active, more, getting outside, moving more often and really just. Treating my body with more compassion, I think is the best way to describe it.
Which means treating my body the best way that I possibly can physically, whether that's with what I'm eating and drinking enough water and getting enough sleep and exercising enough,
I think for so long, my sole focus was my mental health. Just getting out of that really low point in my life was all I was focused on that any of my physical health just totally took a back burner and not to say that it like completely went out the window, but now that I feel really good about my mental health and I feel it's stabilized and it's been stable for a couple years now, and I feel really good about the different practices that I've implemented and the relationships I have around me that I can focus on these parts of my physical health and allow those to grow and thrive in addition to my mental health.
So. What we talked about this week was self-discipline and creating self-discipline for yourself what I wanted to apply that to was exercising and eating healthier and again, taking care of my physical health. And so first goal that I was like was okay, I'm going to start exercising more.
And my therapist taught me this three step approach to building that self discipline.
And I'm reading off the notes that I took in the session to share it exactly with you. So step number one is to have lots of little reinforcements . And , the ways you described the reinforcements was things that are simplistic and wouldn't necessarily matter to anyone else, but really mattered to you and that you enjoy.
So if you've love having to do list checked off, that would be a reinforcement. One that came to mind was people that have Apple watches, you know, how they really try to get their circles filled up. Like that's another example of the visual reinforcement that matters to you, but might not matter to someone else.
For me, there were a couple things that came to mind. One was those Pinterest photo collages where people will do like, kind of like a perfect self-care morning ritual and they'll show like a face mask in a workout and did really great breakfast. And then reading a book like, and it's like in like a four little collage thing.
I love those. And so for me, making one of those out of my morning routine where I'm eating well and moving, getting outside would be really reinforcing. Also for me, I love to do lists and getting things checked off. So that was another thing that would be really reinforcing.
another thing that I love doing is content creation and sharing these things with you guys. So for me talking about this on the podcast and this journey, and then someday writing an Instagram post or a blog post about what was helpful for me to create this self-disciplined super reinforcing.
The last thing is to put it on your calendar and check those things off. And so those were all things that I really, really enjoyed. And so for this week, my visual way that I'm going to reinforce myself, keep myself inspired and moving towards that goal was to be on Pinterest all the time and not all the time, but a couple of times a day hopping on there, seeing these pieces of visual inspiration that I love that get me excited about building these habits.
And really inspire me the second point in the building self-discipline advice for my therapist was to start super small. So the word she used was planning last and doing more. So for this week, I literally told myself I'm going to go once on the Peloton and I'm going to go on a walk one time and.
That was my goal. I could do a Peloton every single day, and I would still be meeting my goal. I could get out and walk every morning, but as long as I've met my goal, that I've set myself to help hold myself accountable to, which is one time a week. By the next time I meet with my therapist, I've met that small goal and I can build upon it every week.
Another thing that she mentioned, which was super, super helpful was to tie certain things that you enjoy to these activities. So again, going back to this exercise, working out walking example, I would only watch TikTok when I'm like on the Peloton. So I would just do like a free ride without an instructor peddle and then watch tech talks tech talk. And if I tie that to being on the Peloton, then whenever I want to watch TikTok, I go on the Peloton and I can watch as much as I want and then for walking, choosing podcasts that I really like or music that I really like and saying, if I want to listen to this music, or I want to listen to this podcast, I'll go on a walk. And the third piece of advice that she had with to schedule it, put this into your calendar, tell yourself when you're going to hold yourself accountable by.
So for me, I was like, okay, by Friday night, I'll do my one Peloton. And by Tuesday night, next week I will have done my one walk and I've already done both of those by the time that I'm holding myself accountable to. So that is my little tips and tricks. Take you into therapy with me this week. As far as building self discipline, continue to check in on this and let you guys know how it goes.
But I thought that was such great advice and could be applied to anything that you want to get better at, whether that's getting out of bed in the morning, or I don't know, reading more, anything, studying more as another thing, anything that you want to improve upon and increase the behavior of these skills.
And these three tactics can be applied to.
So now onto this week's Q and a. I'm going to go ahead and answer three of them. If you ask me a question that didn't get answered, I'm going to answer it up on Instagram. It'll be saved to my highlights. So you can see all the answers to the questions asked this week. So if you want to have your question answered in next week's episode, be sure to send me an email@inquiriesatshepersistedpodcast.com or submit it on Instagram. I normally put the question box up on Wednesday or Thursday, but you can also DM it to me. And all questions are always kept anonymous.
First question. I feel like my social bandwidth has decreased dramatically during the past year. How to deal with easing back into social life as COVID situation improves. I totally relate to this one. I completely agree. I feel like when I'm out and socializing my ability to engage and feel present and not just kind of go blank is like so much less is again that my bandwidth is so much smaller than it used to be. So I think it's really just going to be practice and improving over time.
My advice for this one is to take it slow. If right now you're not seeing anyone because of COVID or maybe you're only seeing people virtually or once or twice a week slowly kind of increasing that and not throwing yourself into like six engagements a week, because you'll just get totally burnt out, totally overwhelmed.
And you'll be less likely to go back to that in the future. Also, if you're feeling like you're more burnt out, I would really recommend focusing on and prioritizing the relationships that really build you up and make you feel good. Because if you have a small social bandwidth and you're spending it on building brand new relationships or people that you don't necessarily get along with super well, or don't build you up, your energy, going into other social interactions will be so much slower.
So really. Really prioritizing your time with people that make you feel good and make you feel more energized and you feel you can be yourself around and just feel better, but yeah, definitely take it slow and spend as much time as possible with people that you really love and care about and that love and care about you.
And then from there, kind of get back to socializing with everyone as we did pre COVID
next question is how to deal with negative body image as the warmer months approach. I totally I completely relate to this, my family and I were spending some time together a couple of weeks ago, and we were doing a lot more swimming and a lot more time in like swimsuits and that kind of stuff. And I felt good and fine when I was by myself. Like when I was with my family and I was totally good, like in my safe little circle, I was fine.
But when it came to like potentially talking to people that I didn't know or interacting with, like people, my age, I was like, got really uncomfortable and was super worried about judgment and felt insecure and like, I wasn't good enough. And so I totally totally resonate with what you're saying.
For me, the biggest change change in my self-confidence and self compassion has been really spending time by myself. If that makes sense, when I am around other people, lots of the time. And I'm looking to those interactions to fill me up with confidence and self-love, I tend to really struggle. I do a lot more comparison.
I'm a lot more judgmental of myself based on other people. Whereas when I'm looking for that self love and self compassion and more moments when I'm by myself, whether that's like in a morning routine or spending some time with myself on the weekends, I find that I feel a lot more self-compassion and confidence that way then when I'm around other people.
So building those moments with yourself, into your routine, maybe at night, you're going to say some affirmations to yourself, or you're going to do some gratefuls in the morning. What are you grateful for about yourself and your, your body?
The fact that it allows you to be completely autonomous and healthy and navigate this world. That's just crazy to think about that. Our bodies are capable of that. I have two more tips that I want to give on this. One is what I'm doing right now, which is spending more time caring for my body and my physical health. I don't know about you, but when I'm not caring for myself and I'm not eating as well, I feel more physically sick. And like, I don't know if it's like bloating or just like headaches or just not feeling good because I'm not eating good foods.
And then in turn, my body doesn't feel as great. Whereas when I'm. Eating healthier foods and I'm drinking more water and I'm sleeping better than my physical body feels healthier. Even if there's not like a visual difference. I just, I know I have more energy. And from there I feel better and more confident.
And then my last piece of advice is really to talk to a therapist when we get ashamed and embarrass the urges to withdraw and isolate and not tell anyone about what's going on. When you can voice those feelings of what happens when you get in front of a mirror or feel those comparisons going through your head, or you feel that insecurity when you're around other people just naming that and saying it out loud is so powerful and really does help that shame decrease because you're not letting it continue to build up inside you.
And when we name that shame, that's going on, it really does decrease and it takes away that power.
Last week, then I'm going to answer in the podcast and you can read the rest on. Instagram is how do you make the decision to get better? Especially after trying and failing. This is so hard. I saw this and I'm going to be honest. I almost didn't want to answer it because I didn't have an answer. I was like, I'll put it on Instagram.
I'll think about it for longer, but I really do want to normally push myself outside of my comfort zone to go back to that head space of when I felt like I was failing over and over again and things weren't going to change and also offer my insight to you if it's even ends up being helpful. So when I was struggling, I had the Headspace that nothing was ever going to get better. I was going to be depressed my entire life. I could understand that other people could not be depressed. They could be happy. They could be fulfilled therapy would work for them. That was great. It wasn't going to work for me, or if it did, the changes that would be made were so minuscule that I wouldn't feel any different.
That was just my head space all of the time, no matter what was going on. And so when things weren't changing, it was so emotionally exhausting and frustrating. And again, it feels like you're failing, just like you said. So I totally get it. I have 1000% been there and, and it's the worst feeling now when I have days where I'm depressed or lacking motivation and it does happen, like I have days where I notice, I feel physically depressed or mentally am struggling with my motivation.
Like, that's a thing that I still navigate, even if I'm not. Extremely depressed. Like I used to be. So on those days, I go back to something that I actually heard in an episode of the podcast. And I'll link this episode in the description, but it is with one of the doctors that I worked with at McClain.
And his name is Dr. Aguirre. And what he said in this episode is that. Life is impermanent and that impermanence will be on your side. And when we did that podcast episode, I remember I like pulled the quote of posted on Instagram, but it wasn't until months later that I kept going back to that quote, no matter what was going on, whether it was my own suffering, someone else's struggle.
I kept going back to that quote of impermanence and impermanence will be on your side. Even when I have a headache, I'm like this impermanence will be on my side. The, the headache won't last forever. The pain will come in waves and it will go away. But this idea to me that no matter what's going on with your mental health, whether you're really depressed, you're really anxious.
whatever it is that you're feeling. It can't last forever because the only constant in life is impermanence. So even if you're feeling really depressed right now, that depression can't last forever. And yes, that means that it might get worse, but it also has to get better because it can't stay the same forever.
So when it feels like you're trying and trying and working towards your recovery and things, aren't changing. Well, at that point, it's hard to see a path through and it really, really does just feel like you're stumbling through the dark and there's no one to lead you on that path. You lean into that impermanence , because, you know, by just how life works, that that impermanence will be on your side, these feelings of failure of suffering. They can't last forever and they will go away. They will change and at some point you will be in a better Headspace. So my advice to you is to really lean into that and kind of have, have trust in the process and the people that are trying to help you and above all have trust in yourself and you've survived every single hardest day you've ever had before you can survive today and you can survive tomorrow and sooner or later that impermanence will be on your side and things will change.
They have to change. And I promise, promise, promise that they will. So that's my advice to you. I wish I had something more concrete to be like, these are the three steps you're going to take and things are going to be great. This is how you're going to get through recovery. And tomorrow you're going to feel 100% perfect.
And you can go back on episodes, all these things about changing your sleep and improving your physical health and learning, coping skills and navigating depression and anxiety in school. All of these things will help, but when you're really just feeling in that super low. Point the way that I would combat that as leaning into that idea of impermanence and, and realizing how strong you are and how strong you will continue to be until the tide changes, because inevitably will.
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sadie: So that's all for our Q and a this week. Totally off topic from this week's podcast episode, but I am so excited for the guest I have on this week. We actually got it introduced because she's one of my best friend's aunt. And I was so excited when they told me about her. And I was like, she's going to be the perfect guest because mindfulness is something that can be implemented.
In anyone's life. And she specializes in kids and adolescents, and I was like, Oh my goodness, it's got to happen. And so I'm so excited that we got to record this.
So without further ado, this week's guest is Kira Willey. She helps educate and inspire kids through movement, music, and mindfulness. She does a lot of work with younger kids in elementary school, teaching them how to use mindfulness skills like deep breathing, staying, present, being in the moments that, of getting caught up in your head to help improve school performance, focus, all of those kinds of things.
And this is really truly an amazing episode. We do a guided mindfulness practice, which is so fun. I'm going to post it on IETV so you can go back to it whenever you want to. And yes, this episode is. So much phenomenal information about the science behind fight mindfulness, why it's important for students and adolescents and how you can apply it in your life.
So diving right in. Can you tell listeners who they're listening to
kira: right now?
Yes, I'm Keira Willie. I bring mindfulness movement and music to children and adolescents with my books and my music and my performances and my trainings, both for parents and for teachers.
sadie: I love it. So can you talk to me a little bit about first off, what is mindfulness and we'll kind of dive into why is it important?
What are the impacts on and the science behind it, but just starting. What is mindfulness?
kira: Yeah, mindfulness. The definition I like the best is paying attention to the present moment with kindness and curiosity. And that's actually not my definition. A woman named Susan Kaiser Greenland. Who's the founder of inner kids, yoga.
She has a great Ted talk. If, if anyone is interested defined it and added that kindness and curiosity piece, which I think is really important because we can pay attention to the present moment, but feel like we need to judge it a little bit. We can all be a little bit judgy probably. And letting that go and just observing what's going on, both in our bodies and in our minds and in the world around us.
And just being curious and kind as to what's happening. That's the key to mindfulness, right. Is, is letting go of any of that judgment. And so mindfulness, you know, takes lots of different forms. It's not the same thing as meditation. I think people sometimes use those words interchangeably and they're really not.
Mindfulness is just a way of moving through the world. Right. And being very present in the current moment.
sadie: I did DBT dialectical behavioral therapy. And I'm not sure if you're familiar with that, but they have a huge emphasis on mindfulness and it was something that was so hard to implement at the beginning because, because just sitting and being present with my thoughts and emotions, when I was.
Struggling so much was really, really difficult. It was really painful and overwhelming, but as I kind of worked through that and just being able to be present instead of kind of future tripping and getting caught up in other possibilities, the past is something that was a really, really effective tool.
kira: Yeah, it's the simplest definition. It's this it's, it's the simplest thing, but it's so hard to do, right. Because if you think about it so often you're living in the past reliving what happened or you're wondering or worrying about the future. It is really hard to be in the present moment, although it's just such a simple concept, but it's very, very powerful.
sadie: I agree. So diving into the science behind it, what is the difference between kind of what happens when we're not practicing mindfulness and meditation when we're just in our normal default brain?
And then what happens when we do implement these techniques and skills?
kira: So when we're practicing mindfulness, the most common tool we use to practice, it is something we all have. And we all do every day, right. Which is our breath. So when we bring our attention to our breath, through various exercises or deep breathing or counting our breathing, or lots of different ways to practice it, It's a way of practicing, paying attention for the present moment.
Cause you're, you can only pay attention to the breath you're taking right now. Right? So when we bring our attention to that present moment, and when we control those long, deep breaths, we're not able to worry about the past and we're not able to worry about the future. And that tells our brain okay.
Which likes to worry, right. That everything is going to be okay. And it is shown by science. That really only takes a handful of a long, slow, deep breaths to chill out that part of our brains, the called the amygdala, right? The lizard brain. Some people call it, which is responsible for fight flight or freeze.
That's all it knows how to do. And just a handful of these long slow, deep breaths gives it the signal actually. Everything's okay. There's not an imminent threat here. Right? And then it starts to escalate all that stuff in your body that is making you feel, maybe shoulders, scrunchy, maybe sweaty, palms, maybe butterflies, you know, whatever.
However it manifests in you and your body. It starts to deescalate that. Right. So practicing, paying attention to the present moment. Using our breath or other tools, there are other ways to practice mindfulness, listening exercises, mindful walking. There's lots of ways to do it, makes us be in the present moment and be escalate that stress response in our brains and not flights.
So powerful.
sadie: Literally. A little bit kind of off, off the questions, but I was wondering your perfect day at what points do you implement mindfulness and meditation, and really just trying to stay present and centered. What are those different times when the practices that you use?
kira: I love that question.
My perfect day. I begin the day with some mindfulness and I I'm pretty good about it. I'm not perfect. I am in the, in the pretty good habit of moving every morning, whether that's yoga or walking or something like that. And I attach mindful breathing to that because for me, it really sets the tone for my day.
It doesn't always happen, you know, some, some days it's, you know, it just, I just can't fit it in, but the other thing that's really important is trying to fit it in, in little bits throughout the day and trying to be mindful enough during the day that I notice. When my mind starts spinning out. Right. I notice when I'm dwelling on that conversation I had earlier, that's kind of bothering me or I notice when I'm really worried about what might happen tomorrow or next week.
And then I can bring myself back with just a few deep breaths wherever I am. Right. I could be in the kitchen, I could be in the car. And there's a few techniques that I have and that I like to teach to other kids and adolescents to do that. To just bring yourself right back in the present. And we can get into some of those in a little bit, if you'd like, or I could show you one now, whatever you'd like,
sadie: yeah, let's do it.
What are your kind of maybe top three different ways that people can bring themselves back when they're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or needing to center themselves?
kira: Yeah, one really good. One is called the stop brake and stop is a simple acronym for stop S is for stop. So whatever you're doing, just pause, doesn't need to be for very long.
He is take a breath long in and out,
really take your time with that breath. And when you do that, you'll notice that you probably very rarely breathe like that. Right. And usually it feels really good. The O is for observe. And all that means is what's happening. What's happening right now. Like how does my body feel what's going on with my shoulders?
Am I, am I, you know, scrunched up? Am I all tight? Am I, you know what's going on in my brain, what's happening? Just observe. And again, that really key phrase with kindness and curiosity. Right. Don't observe and they get mad at yourself for what's happening, but that's not going to help anything. Right.
Then you're just going to go down, you know, a downward spiral. So observe with kindness and curiosity, and then P is just proceed. Right? And if you need to change something in that moment, of course change it. But just that simple self-awareness break will really help you come back to yourself and address what you need to address.
Before it gets out of control, you know? So that's one, another one is just an, I teach this to kids. Little kids love this one. It's a take five where you call it starfish breath. Right? And you just, you just trace your, you breathe in tricep, breathe out, trace down, and you just do it with all five fingers, you know, nice and slow up and down, up and down.
And when you're done, you've gotten in. Five slow, deep breaths. You also get a little tactile reminder, right. And we'll help here. And, you know, obviously if you do it with the other hand, you've got 10 slow, deep breaths, even better. Right. So that's one of them. And the third one I would say is a simple body scan and that's just pausing again, taking some long, deep breaths in and out and just going from pose to head what's going on.
Right. Are my toes all scrunched up? Have I not uncrossed my legs in an hour because I've been sitting at the computer like this, right. And my all, you know, hunched forward and roll my shoulders up and back. You know, what is my hat to tell you, like what what's going on that I need to fix to make myself feel better.
So three quick, easy, you know, 30 seconds each, but if you'd get in the habit of doing these throughout the day, it'll really help you head off that craziness that can happen in your brain and bring you back to the present moment.
sadie: Totally. And I'm just, I love how implementable they are. And just so many settings, like you can do five deep breaths or body scan.
If you're about to give your presentation, you're sitting in a class, whatever it is, it's bringing you anxiety or stress. Like you can do these anywhere, which is just so amazing.
kira: That's really key. And that's the thing. One of the things that differentiates mindfulness and sort of more formal meditation practices, which are great and extremely valuable, but simple mindfulness and mindful sort of a mindful way of being you can do anywhere anytime.
Right. And so if you have some, a lot of those tools in your toolbox, as far as these mindful practices, you can just pull them out whenever you need them and wherever you are.
sadie: I love it. So one of my favorite parts of your Ted talk was how you talked about the impact of meditation and mindfulness on academic performance and how kids were really overwhelmed and stressed and filled with anxiety.
And then after using these practices, they were able to calm down a lot more in there. Their performance improved as a result. So I kind of wanted to hear your perspective on that and, and kind of how mindfulness can help people in an academic or even work settings. When there are those high stakes moments and you need to perform in some way.
kira: So there's a real anxiety epidemic. In our country, unfortunately, and it starts really young, right? So in a survey of 10,000 adolescents, it was found that one in every four to five of them meets the criteria for a mental health disorder. And the great majority of those are generalized anxiety disorders.
And the average age of onset of those disorders is eight age, sex sex, six years old, it's it blows the mind. Right. And so. It really shows us that we need to be, take a preventive approach to these anxiety issues, to these mental health issues in, in in, on the whole and not just, you know, let it go. And then when someone's a teenager or an adult private treat, right?
So it's, it's preventive, it's giving children and adolescents, these skills. At the beginning, right? Like proactively to be able to to manage their anxiety, to be able to cope with their stress. So that it doesn't become a mental health disorder. So in a school setting, it looks like test anxiety, right?
It looks like social anxiety, social stress. It looks like, you know, cyber bullying and, and the anxieties and all the other negative ramifications that go on there. I've been visiting schools for a long time. I perform in schools. I do teach for trainings. I teach mindfulness in schools and I have heard the same refrain over and over and over that really young kids are displaying more anxious behaviors than they've ever seen before.
I usually hear it from a school counselor or a principal or an administrator. But the good news is that implementing short, simple, mindful practices costs no money. Take very little time and are hugely effective, hugely effective. The key is consistency. That's the key. And when you can. And as I say, at the beginning of my Ted talk, like, imagine if you start, you know, a math class by just having the children for 30 to 60 seconds, imagine their bears hibernating in the winter.
Right. And when bears hibernate, they take long, slow, deep breaths in and out through their noses. And you have the little ones, maybe they put their head on their desk, right. And imagine, or in their cozy cave. And they take a long, deep breath in. And out, and they just imagine how warm and cozy and relaxed they are and their bear caves.
Right. And in 60 seconds that whole room has calmed down. Right? The energy has calmed down. Their brains can focus. You know, their minds are more clear and now the teacher can start the lesson. Yes, they've lost, you know, one minute to a mindfulness exercise, but they'll gain that time back. And then some, because of how much more productive it can be in the classroom.
sadie: Now, I probably would have been like trying to get everyone to focus and getting the activities started. So like one minute, really? What does it have really impacted anything? Probably. Yeah.
kira: You know, many teachers that I totally understand, this are like, don't give me one more thing to do. You know, I have so much on my plate and I totally get that.
But my counter to that is that. If you implement these, these bite-sized mindfulness and that's why that's the name of my Ted talk, right? On a consistent basis, you will get that time back. It will make your job easier. I promise. Right? So it's giving kids these skills to Deal with their anxiety to calm their stress, an outlet for some of these, these feelings that they have before it gets out of hand.
So if we can get these techniques into the school system, teach kids in that setting, what a gift to give them, right? Because not, it will, of course not only benefit them when they take the SATs, right. Or when they're struggling with college applications, it'll benefit them throughout their lives. In a work setting, like you said before, a big presentation any kinds of the inevitably stressful moments that are going to come up for everyone as they grow up.
So it's not, you know, I like to say it's not enrichment or like extra, or like these are really essential skills to teach young people. Yeah.
sadie: Totally agree. So another thing that I really want, I really love that you talked about, I thought with such a similar approach to the way that I talked about my mental health journey and with the podcast is that kids have to like doing this and they have to want to do it, or it's not effective.
So I kind of wanted to hear from you why that is. Why is it so important that they are engaged and wanting to practice mindfulness and excited about that for it to work?
kira: Right. Well with young kids and I started my career really working with young ones. You're just not going to get them to do it. If it's not fun, you might get them to do at once, but you're not going to get, you know, maybe on Monday, they're not going to want to do it on Tuesday, Wednesday.
There's a Friday. If they don't think it's fun. And the other thing is with young children, there's no need. To explain to them what's going on with their amygdala and what's going on with their prefrontal cortex and you know, how their parasympathetic nervous system, right. It doesn't, they don't care. And it's be hard for them to understand anyway, but what they can relate to and they love to do is, you know, picking, imagining they're picking a beautiful flower and they want to smell it right.
And they. Right or imagining they're holding a really hot cup of hot cocoa, yummy hot cocoa, but it's too hot to sip. So we have to blow on it to cool it off. And we go, you know, we do that three, four or five times, and then we take a sip, you know? Mm. But so little kids love that. So any relatable concept that you can bring in, and that's what these books are all about is just.
Lots and lots of kid, kid friendly exercises to get them to want to do it. When they get a little bit older, middle school, high school kids, they're interested in how their brains worked, they work and they want to know, and it, it really helps them, I think, understand particularly when they're like, why am I so stressed out?
Why am I feeling all this anxiety? You know, what's wrong with me? That kind of thing, which, you know, can be a really destructive path to go down. If you can say. There's nothing wrong with you, right? This is what's happening in your brain. Your amygdala wants to be in control, but you need to tell the amygdala.
You're not driving the bus. Thank you very much for trying to protect me from what you perceive as a threat, but it's okay. And here's how you're going to tell your brain. It's okay by doing X, Y, and Z, and that's gonna make it take a back seat. The prefrontal cortex. Which was responsible for those smart decisions.
We know you can make back in control, right? So when you, as they get into middle school, I started talking to them. Here's what's going on, right? Your lizard brain wants to take control when your lizard brain sees the PSA T or whatever, this chemistry test it's like, Oh my gosh, threat. Right? And it's not it's, it's the same thing that happened in ancient times when there was, you know, a wooly mammoth in front of us, it's like threats, scary, scary.
And you need to be able to have some tools and techniques to tell it to chill out because not only is that not good for you, it doesn't feel good in your body, right. It's also not going to help you perform well on this test. And that's what we want. So here are some, some tools and techniques. So I feel like, but even with middle school and adolescents, you still want to make it engaging and fun.
Right. So I find as they get older, I do mindful movement, a lot mindful balance exercises. Cause they're challenging. If I had older kids like to be challenged, especially in middle school, I would do you know, it's like a stand on one foot and stare at a spot in the wall and take your long, deep breaths, you know, and you really have to focus to do that well.
And so it really brings your attention in the present moment, but anyway, you slice it any age, they've got to be engaged. Find it fun and find it useful. In order to do it. Absolutely.
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sadie: So long-term, what are the impacts of regularly practicing moments of mindfulness? Or just like you talked about with your routine throughout the day, having these little moments when you wake up or even before you go to bed, what are the impacts of that on individuals?
kira: So there are lots and lots of benefits. The root of them and sorta what I call like the roots of the tree. I have a mindfulness tree I use with young children is the self-awareness right? So what we all want for kids is self-regulation and that means the ability to manage your behavior and your emotions.
Well, you can't manage your behavior and emotions unless you're aware of them. So that first step is self-awareness and that's why I talked about those, those three methods of checking in with yourself throughout the day, the stop break, right. The body scan and that kind of thing. So if you can get into the habit of becoming self-aware, that's the foundation, that's the first step for that self-regulation and self-regulation is the ability to manage that behavior and emotions and what that looks like is.
Not blowing up when someone bumps by you in the hallway, in a crowded high school hallway, right. That looks like being able to, you know, control your temper. When somebody says something that you to you, that you think is, and instead of reacting, It means responding in a thoughtful way, and that's a big difference, right?
Those two words are really different. It means having tools to let go of that anxiety and stress that you feel so that you can focus on the big test, right. It means being able to calm yourself down when you're feeling jittery, nervous. I mean, there are so many benefits and they extend into better sleep, you know Better ability to focus less risk of depression and anxiety.
I mean, there's just so many benefits. They all start with that self-awareness piece. And they have tons of positive ramifications, both for academic work and for just relationship life and for life beyond school as well. It's so,
sadie: so powerful. And it, it makes so much sense. Like when you think about it, not having that self-awareness of the emotions you're navigating, when they become really challenging, you go to avoid or ignore them or distract, and then it just builds and builds and builds and becomes more overwhelming.
And so to be able to preventatively be aware of those emotions, rather than letting them build up and becoming more of a whelming and challenging to when you need treatment, it's just such an amazing perspective.
kira: And if you think about many teens who are plugged in all of the time, or a lot of the time that self-awareness piece becomes really challenging because you're tuned in to what's happening on that screen in front of you.
Right. And, you know, you're, you're just so into it. You maybe don't even notice what's going on and your leg is falling asleep. You know what I mean? Or whatever that you've been hungry or thirsty for an hour, but you're really engaged in your, your game or you're, you know, scrolling or you're. Sick dog or whatever, whatever it is.
And so I encourage adolescents and teens. You know, set an alarm on your phone, if you can, or use one of the many wonderful mindfulness apps, just to give you a little reminder,
sadie: favorite, which apps do you like? Well,
kira: I, I don't really use what I have. I have done Headspace in the past and really liked that.
I know there's another one called calm. There's a number of powerful sort of. Positive affirmation apps too, that really can help turn around that negative thinking those intrusive thoughts that can, that can be really troublesome. There are probably lots more that I don't know of, but I would encourage you to check those out or just to set a timer to go off with a little reminder, a little reminder that says breathe, or that says, you know, take a stop break, or that says, do a quick body scan.
And, and just get in the habit of doing it again. It can be. 30 seconds, you know, 60 seconds, but so powerful. And I, you know, my hope is that when teens do that and they're in the middle of maybe mindless scrolling, right? Not only will it get them to do that, self-awareness check-in, it might get them to think.
Maybe I should be doing something more productive and constructive and positive than this. Maybe it'll be kind of like, Hmm, I've spent an hour on this. I didn't even mean to, you know, which also has other positive benefits. Yeah. Yeah.
sadie: So I'm curious, have you seen an increase in people that want to practice mindfulness and are interested in kind of being more present in regulating emotions since COVID began and since we've been in lockdown and a lot of people have been struggling more emotionally.
kira: Yes. And in fact, there, there are still studies starting to come out about the impact of lockdown on kids and teens. You know, I just read a statistic recently that about a thousand parents were polled 46% of them saw in their teen a new or worsening mental health condition, 46%, you know, that's. That is a
sadie: big vendors, if it's just because they see their kids more or if it's definitely COVID, but it's terrible.
That there's have many,
kira: that's funny. It could be. They're realizing what actually happens. Yeah. During the day. Cause they're not off at high school all day. You Texas much warning you're at school. So this talk is just
sadie: all day. Is it just,
kira: how do you find it and for this at high school, I guess you do?
I don't know. It's, it's very possible, but I've also gotten contacted by lots of schools saying you know, can you do an online training for our teachers there? You know, the kids are so anxious and now they are having to connect to them through a screen. Right. And particularly with young kids, it's so challenging for the teacher who used to being in a room with them and able to hug them and touch them and Pat them on the back and just connect with them and see what's happening in their bodies to now just be looking at them on a screen in their living room, you know, with the dog barking and mom and dad, you know what I mean?
And all that. So I've heard from a lot of schools that say the anxiety has really ramped up. And teachers from saying the anxiety has really ramped up. Please help us. And I just keep saying the same things and trying to figure out what does work better over a screen, you know, than in person like with young kids, you can do this over a screen cause it's really visual, right.
Those types of things. But I have heard from lots and lots of educators that the anxiety is ramping up. We're all hoping with sort of the light at the end of the tunnel here, that a lot of this will, once we get back in person and things normalize a little bit But even pre pandemic, there was an epidemic of anxiety, you know, and there was, there was a real uptick in the need for, and request that I was getting for learning simple mindfulness.
And I'm glad because it's really needed and it's something that everyone can implement and everyone should.
sadie: So I wonder, I feel like pre pandemic, we all kind of compare these, like, go, go, go let's for teens, it's get to school after school activities. Maybe you do a sport in the morning, just constantly, constantly being plugged in and engaged and commitment after commitment.
And so I'm wondering, do you think post pandemic people will go back to that? And be more present because it's so different. Or do you think we'll just immediately revert back and go back to the kind of like distance not really tuned into what we're doing autopilot. Right.
kira: I'm really hoping that there's some beautiful middle ground.
That's what I'm honestly hoping for, because I know Like, I'm sort of an introverted extrovert, you know what I mean? And there's been a lot about lockdown that I've liked because it's, I, you know, and I'm kind of a homebody and, you know, and I think a lot of people have now realized that about themselves.
It's actually been a, sort of an education of self a little bit, like in lockdown. What have you. You know, has have some parts of you thrived and really done well in other parts of you really so, and pay attention to that. And when the lockdown is over adjust accordingly, right? If you are pretty sick to stay home on a Friday night and watch a movie and have been doing that regularly for like, you know, you can keep doing that.
That's, that's cool. You know, that's, that's great. And the stuff that you really miss, those in-person connections, that one sport that you really love. Awesome. Go back to it. But I am really hoping. Because I think this has taught us a lot about ourselves in a lot of ways. And I hope that we use that knowledge wisely, post pandemic.
sadie: Totally. Well, I think this is a great kind of segue to kind of go into a bit of a mindfulness practice and something that people can come back to and save this episode. And when they're, they're looking for more guidance than just a couple of breaths, come back and, and use this as a great resource. So what kind of lets you take creative freedom with that and whatever you feel makes the most sense, but yeah.
kira: Yeah, let's do a simple body scan. So just get comfortable in your seat. If you can uncross your legs and put both feet on the floor, that would be great. Just be really comfortable. So you can sit here for a minute or two, if you want to close your eyes, feel free. If not, totally cool. Just look down, maybe gaze down at your lap.
So you're not distracted by what's around you. And just take a long, slow breath in and let it all the way out.
Do that again and let it all the way out and keep breathing like this. Just finding a steady rhythm of breath that works for you. It feels good in your body. Nice. And even in and out
and bring your attention to where you feel the air coming into your body and going out of your body. So when you breathe in, where do you feel the air, you feel it in your nose, in the back of your throat? Down into your belly. When you breathe out, where do you feel the air pushing out of your chest or your mouth?
There's no right or wrong answer. We're just observing with kindness and with curiosity, keep up your steady, even rhythm of breath.
We'll do a slow. Body scan just to see what's going on in our bodies. So bring your attention to your feet, to your toes inside your socks or shoes. How do they feel travel up to your ankles, your paths, your knees, how do they feel? Are they relaxed on the ground? Is there any tension there? Making your way up your legs to your belly.
What's going on in your belly? Are you a little hungry? Is it rumbly? Does it feel good? Does it feel full
bringing your attention up to your chest, your shoulders? Is there any tension there? You need to let them go. How about your arms and your hands? What do they feel like right now, keeping up that even rhythm of breath in and out, and finally up to your jaw, your mouth, what does it feel like? Your eyes, your forehead, the top of your head.
Just noticing with kindness and curiosity, what's happening in your body. Take a few more even breaths in and out.
And when you're ready, open your eyes.
sadie: Amazing such a good, a good resource for people to save and come back to, even before that, just being able to like calm down and relax and do a check-in on how the day went. Just amazing.
kira: Okay. I'm glad I hope it's useful.
sadie: Well, thank you so, so much for sitting down and talking about things in mindfulness with me, I really, really appreciate it.
And I'm so excited for everyone to listen to this episode.
kira: Thank you, Sadie. It was really an honor to be with you and thank you so much for sharing your journey and your story because you're helping lots of people. So I really appreciate it.
sadie: in case you skipped to the end to recap this episode, Kira and I talked all about mindfulness. What is mindfulness? What is the science behind mindfulness? How it can help students in the classroom. how mindfulness skills are applicable to adolescents, especially in the school setting, different tips and tricks you can use to implement mindfulness throughout your day,
and a guided mindfulness practice that you can go back to relisten to and use the resource at any point.
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Make sure you're subscribed to the show. So you don't miss any future episodes and leave a five-star review on Apple podcasts. Let me know what you think. Thanks for listening. And I'll see you next Friday.
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