135. Q+A: Self-Care, School Burnout, Social Media, Seeking Help, & More!

Feb 16

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In today's solo episode, I am answering a bunch of your questions! I share my tips on avoiding social media addiction, finding a self-care routine, taking mental health breaks and avoiding burnout, dealing with imposter syndrome, coping with your child's depression as a parent, experiencing medication side effects, reaching out for help when struggling with suicidal ideation, and caring for your mental health when on your period.

Mentioned In The Episode…

+ She Persisted Ep. 104

+ She Persisted Ep. 107

+ She Persisted Ep. 114

+ She Persisted Ep. 115

+ Man's Search for Meaning

+ My Skin & Hair Care Favs

SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOC

Episode Sponsors

🛋This week's episode is sponsored by Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is an online therapy program with over 14,000 licensed therapists in their network offering support with depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and more via text, talk, and video counseling. Head to teencounseling.com/shepersisted to find a therapist today!

About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)

After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.

a note: this is an automated transcription so please ignore any accidental misspellings!

Sadie: [00:00:00] Welcome to She Persisted. I'm your host, Sadie Sutton, a 19 year old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of Penn. She Persisted is the Teen Mental Health Podcast made for teenagers by a teen. In each episode, I'll bring you authentic, accessible, and relatable conversations about every aspect of mental wellness.

You can expect evidence-based, teen approved resources, coping skills, including lots of D B T insights and education in. Each piece of content you consume, she persisted, Offers you a safe space to feel validated and understood in your struggle, while encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and build your life worth living.

So let's dive in this week on She persisted.

What I found when looking back at my mental health challenges and when I was at my lowest, my 80% was these really overwhelming, exhausting, negative mental health experiences. And the 20%, if it was even 20%, was like, oh, this made me happy. Today was great. I just had a positive thought about myself.

[00:01:00] And so the balance meant that I. Was constantly regressing with respect to my mental health. So from a burnout perspective, I think it's very important to structure your day in your week to keep you on that upwards trend.

Hello, hello and welcome back to Sheep Persisted. I'm so excited you're here today. We are doing a sole episode and I'm answering all of your questions that you submitted on the Sheep Persisted Anonymous Google Doc little form thing where you can submit your questions or on Instagram. So I can't wait to talk about all the things that you guys are interested in, curious about, want support on.

It's gonna be an ask me anything advice episode. Full disclaimer, at Super Bowl Sunday, I think it's like quarter four right now. I'm the worst football fan. I do live in Philadelphia. I don't know what's happening when I'm watching football. Loved the halftime show. That was great. Loved giving my opinion on all the commercials, but the football itself, sorry, not my thing.

That being said, let's get into these questions because this is how I like spending my time. This is my my jam. So first [00:02:00] question, what are some strategies to limit social media exposure and become less addicted to your phone? So I think this is something that so many people struggle with or set the intention to work on in 2023.

I think post Covid, at least for me, I realized that I feel like I'm spending more time on my phone because we were utilizing technology so much for school and work that now it's kind of hard to make that shift away from using technology so much. So I'll give a couple of tips here. The first thing that I would say is to get really clear on why you want to reduce your social media use and being on your phone what are the benefits of spending less time on your phone?

So the way that you do A D B T in pros and cons is a little bit over the top compared to your average pros and cons. We really are taking this a step up and we're getting the most out of this practice, and it's really, really effective. Whenever I have to make a big decision or I'm uncertain about something, or I wanna be really clear on what my motivation is and why I want to do something, this is the skill I'll pull out.

So [00:03:00] when you're doing a D B T pros and cons, you are prosing and cons, engaging in the behavior and not engaging in the behavior. So not just saying what are the pros and cons of this? You're saying what are the pros and cons of doing this, and what are the pros and cons of not doing this? So I'll explain.

If what we are evaluating is social media usage, the pros of social media usage might be, it's a way to spend your time so you're not bored. Maybe you feel creative, maybe it's entertaining, maybe if you are a content creator, it's a way to like grow your audience or continue to work towards something, anything that is applicable to you, that you benefit from when you are on social media.

Then we're gonna talk about the cons of being on social media. So maybe you notice that your mental health feels worse after you are engaging on social media. So maybe you feel less energized, you feel more overwhelmed, you're more stressed. Maybe you don't notice yourself comparing yourself to other people.

Maybe you feel like you're wasting your time, that you would rather be spending your time somewhere else, [00:04:00] but you're not because you're spending all this time on social media. Really get creative here. It's really important to really flesh out these cons and get creative and write down everything possible.

So maybe that's my sleep is disrupted, the blue light isn't as great for me. Maybe you could be like, it could be impacting my relationship because I could be spending time with people in person. Or maybe that's a pro I'm able to connect with people that I don't normally interact with. And then we're gonna go to the other columns.

You have four squares here. The other column is not being on social media. So the pros of not being on social media. You're more effectively probably able to regulate your sleep schedule. You are able to invest your time in other areas of life and pursue other goals. You're able to be more present in your relationships.

And then cons, because what I love about D B T is you're always looking for all sides of the situation. Like if you looked at this from a really black and white lens, you would say, social media is bad. I should not be scrolling on my phone all the time. But with D B T, we are really breaking down [00:05:00] what the pros and cons are of this from every single different angle because all of those things are relevant when you're scrolling on social media or when an emotion comes up or when a thought arises. So the cons of not being on social, maybe you feel less connected. Maybe you feel like you're not able to keep in touch with people that you don't talk to on a regular basis.

Maybe you feel bored, maybe you feel less inspired. You feel out of touch with what's going on in the world. Whatever it is, you're gonna write all those things down. And then after you've done this exercise,

You are going to decide what your wise mind path forward is. So, Taking into account the emotional side of things, like maybe social media is a way that you're avoiding things. Maybe you're feeling stressed when you're on social media and the logical side, you know that social media isn't great for mental health.

You know that you're feeling you know, that you logically could spend time in other areas and investing your time in other things. So you balance the logic and the emotion. Your wise mind decision is, I wanna decrease my social media usage. Then you're going [00:06:00] to make a plan of how you are going to decrease that social media usage.

But you have this really great foundation of why is this important to me? Why do I wanna make this decision? And what are the reasons why I keep scrolling on social media? Because we all logically know that scrolling isn't great for us. And if it was that simple, no one would be on social media. If you're watching this clip, you wouldn't see this right now on your feed.

But it's not that simple. So that's why we really have to flesh out all of the reasons why we're on social media, all the pros and cons from every single different angle. . So when you are trying to come up with ways to decrease your social media, you said, now that you're really clear on why you're scrolling so much, I'll give a couple of tips because this is a goal that I've implemented or tried to implement many times, especially when it comes to sleep.

Like my goal has, Ben, I'd like to stop scrolling earlier on in the day. I would like to not be on my phone right before bed. That's one of the most common things for me. The first thing I think that's really important to recognize is that like anything in life, you can't go from zero to a hundred, or in this case a hundred to zero.

If you're spending hours on TikTok every day, you can't expect to [00:07:00] wake up tomorrow and never go on TikTok again. Maybe you can, maybe you can go cold Turkey, but that's a lot to ask of yourself because you form this habit. You've been spending lots of your time doing this thing, and now you're going to completely have to adjust your behavior, the way that you're coping with things, the thoughts you're having, the way you're spending your time. There's a lot at play here, like we talked about with the pros and cons.

So let's talk about small shifts that you can make. One of the biggest things for me would be times of day. My guess is that if you're spending a lot of time on social media, it's probably connected to a certain behavior or it's getting in the way of something. So for you, if you're like, I'm finding I'm scrolling on social media all the time at lunch, and I'd rather be talking with my friends, maybe the first area of your life you're gonna target is that lunch period.

If you are like, I'm scrolling and it's really impacting my sleep, maybe you're gonna focus on your nighttime routine. Or maybe for you, it's like I get up in the morning, I first thing go on TikTok, and it really isn't a great way to start my day. So pick one moment rather than the entire 24 hours. From there, you're gonna [00:08:00] do baby steps, tiny goals.

So you're gonna say, instead of scrolling on my phone until, I don't know, 12, I'm gonna scroll until 1145. And then day by day, you're gonna push that time earlier until you get where you want to be. This change will be a lot easier to implement, and it'll be more sustainable long term.

You can set alarms on your phone. You wanna make it really easy for you to do this, so maybe you put your phone in another room, maybe it's charging across the room. So you're doing things to make this an easier shift to make, not mentally by being like it's 15 less minutes, I can handle stopping scrolling in 1145 rather than 12.

And you're also making it easy to stick to that so you're not putting your phone right next to you. You're not gonna do something else on your phone because it's gonna be so easy to open up the social media app again. Maybe you set a time limit on your phone, so you're gonna say, I'm gonna have the app shut off at 1145, so I don't even have to remember that this is the time I'm turning my phone off.

So make it obvious. Make it really easy. And then the flip side of that is you're gonna make it really difficult for yourself to engage in the behavior. So [00:09:00] set a time limit, put that restriction. So you have to mentally go through the process of, do I wanna do this or do I not want to do this? When your phone prompts you to put it in a password, maybe you delete the app at the end of the night when you're like, I'm done for the day.

Maybe your phone is again in another room. Maybe it's across the room, you're doing things to make it difficult and cause you to like really consider, is this something I want to do or not wanna do? And I think that's a really great way to approach this. A having baby steps, smalling, just to implement and really being intentional about making these changes easy to implement. And hard to backtrack. . Another tip I want to throw in here. I saw on Ariel Laurie's, Instagram and TikTok, she said that one of the biggest things that she still struggled to implement, she shifted so many behaviors and emotions and thoughts, but one thing she was struggling with was social media usage.

And she said she saw on TikTok that if you, which is ironic, I saw this on TikTok, she saw this on TikTok, clearly my phone addicted. It's okay if you turn your settings to gray scale, it's nowhere near as engaging [00:10:00] for your brain. So you're like, I really don't wanna do this. This isn't interesting.

It's much easier to stop scrolling. So that's another idea. Again, you're making it more difficult to backtrack. You're making it easier to make this switch. So try putting your phone on gray scale, putting it across the room, setting small, easy, manageable goals, and then check it, see what progress have I made, and really look at the data.

Like what is my screen time saying? Is it getting better? Is it working? Is it not working? How can I readjust? Can I loop in a parent, a friend to hold me accountable? Whatever it is, really make sure. You are checking in to see if these interventions are effective. The next question, we can all recognize that self-care is an important part of creating a balanced routine to improve our mental health.

What are your everyday self-care steps that you can't live without? I love a self-care moment. I feel like I do so much self-care in my day, but I would say that my non-negotiables are in my morning and night routine and especially at college, I feel like I've gotten into like a happy place with these.

They happen every morning. They happen every night and I love it. So [00:11:00] in the morning I wake up, my phone is across the room, I put it on my desk and I'm still struggling here. I've gotten that first step of phone is at the desk. I have to get out of my bed to turn off my alarm, but I still will go back to bed with my phone and snoo.

So we're working on it. We're not fully there. So that's the first thing I then I make my bed, which is a habit I implemented this year, like sophomore year of college. I'm so proud of myself. I do it every single day and it makes it a really enjoyable experience to be in my room. Cause I'm like, wow, everything looks so nice and organized and tidy and it's really nice to go to bed cause I like pull back the covers.

Everything is so nice and comfy and neat and great. So I make my bed. I then do the same first part of my morning routine. So I put on my slippers. We love a slipper moment, especially in college when you don't know who has stepped on the floors before you. I Go ahead. I brush my teeth, I wash my face. A new part of my routine in my face washing thing is the Clear skin club, disposable face towels.

If you are on beauty, TikTok, you've seen [00:12:00] these, I have seen so many videos. I finally was like, okay, I have to try these. Cause I'm very acne prone. I've constantly breaking out, and the idea is that if you're using the same towel every day, you're not only getting the chemicals on your face that it's in your laundry detergent, but it's also like the same bacteria and it's not great for your skin.

So basically these are glorified paper towels, the area in a cute little box. I love it. I feel like it's maybe helping my skin a bit. So that's a new part of my self-care routine that brings me joy. Then I make a cup of coffee. One of my biggest recommendations for college students is to have a great in-room coffee setup, because coffee is so expensive

and it's something that brings me joy every single morning. I know I make my cup of coffee. I love the way I start my day. I look forward to it. It's great. It's a nice little routine. Have my nice little ice cube trays. I make my ice coffee. I drink it while I'm getting ready. I then do my skincare.

So I do like all of my different products. I do my makeup or hair. If I'm getting ready, I get dressed, put my clothes in the hamper, get everything ready to go in my backpack, and then I go to [00:13:00] class. So my morning routine non-negotiables that really are in a self-care capacity for me, are making my bed.

That aspect of like washing my face, brushing my teeth, feeling ready for the day, clean self-care type thing. And then doing my skincare and makeup hair. Getting dressed really is like that opposite action of feeling unmotivated, depressed, or not wanting to do things that really gets my day going.

And is also very calming and restorative to like, I don't know, get ready. Nighttime, similar routine, but, the opposite end of the spectrum, I would say I'm finishing up schoolwork. I will shower. I'll do like all of my extensive hair products I put on after my shower. My friends laugh at me.

I do my Olaplex oil. My, it's a 10. My color, well volume. I have my wave volume. It's a process. So I shower. I put in all my hair products. I wash my face, brush my teeth, do my skincare, take my meds, get into bed, and then I will normally read. Right now I'm reading Mans Search For Meaning. Dad, if you're listening to this, I am reading it.

When I bought [00:14:00] this book, when he came to visit me at college, he said, I'll get you this book if you go to grad school. So I'm reading the book. He was worried I wouldn't read it, but it's, it's being read God's School, t p d. That's the plan right now. But things change . So anyways, reading that, I love having a little light so I don't have all of my lights on.

So I have a little light that clips onto my book. And then I will watch TV before I go to bed. And I know that you're probably like, why are you doing that? Isn't that the worst thing you can do for your mental health and for your sleep routine and your sleep hygiene? And initially, I would've thought, yes, and we just talked about decreasing screen time and social media usage.

And this was a behavior I tried to target for a very long time because I was finding that I was watching TV before falling asleep. And so I've kind of adjusted that behavior and it's been really effective to allow me to get great sleep and it's not something I've had to completely eliminate. So I did an interview this past year. It's episode 100 and fours with Heather Turgen and Julie Wright. They're the authors of generation sleepless. We talked about [00:15:00] sleep deprivation, insomnia, and night routine tips specifically for teens.

They've done extensive research, not only on teen sleep, but baby sleep. They know everything there is to know about sleep hygiene. And I talked about this idea of watching something before you go to bed, and they brought up something super interesting that I hadn't necessarily thought about before, which is that I forget what they called it.

You can listen to the episode, but it's like a mindless background noise, essentially is what it is. So some people listen to a meditation while they will go to sleep. Sometimes they listen to white noise. Some people will do like a self-guided meditation. Some people will breathe. I am someone who cannot shut their brain off.

And for me, I'm more alert and awake when I'm laying there in the quiet, like my, my brain can really keep going. It's like, we can do this for hours. And that's been the case before . I try and shut off my phone or my iPad. I close my book and I just will lay there for four hours.

It's really ineffective. But I found when I watched one of my favorite shows, like The Office or Big Bang Theory, specifically those two that I've seen many, many, many times, I know what's gonna happen. [00:16:00] There's no aspect of, oh my gosh, what's gonna happen next? I can't wait to see how these characters interact.

Or, oh my gosh, I'm gonna miss something. It's not engaging. It's funny, it's mindless, and I listen to these episodes. I don't watch them. I turn the iPad around, or I like put it at a two inch crack, so I can't actually see the blue light. You can also turn on night shift mode. I love night shift mode.

My dad hates it when my devices are on night shift mode, but it's great. I love it better for your eyes, I love this because it's more calming and faster for me to fall asleep if I'm mindlessly listening to something than if I am engaging with my thoughts.

Probably something to work on long-term, but it works really well for me and it means that I can fall asleep within like 20 to 30 minutes rather than hours. So that's my self-care routine at night. Kind of the mirror of the morning makes me very happy, a staple to every single day. Question three. We're gonna try and speed things up because I'm giving long-winded answers here.

What are your thoughts on mental health retreats and vacations? Do you think they promote an unrealistic solution to addressing a common [00:17:00] problem? This is interesting. I have found that. Breaks and vacation in college are essential. Especially my first two semesters. I was so not necessarily burnt out because I was able to continue working on things, but it was at the point where I was like, I cannot keep up this pace of output and learning and studying and stressing for much longer.

And so breaks allow you to kind of recharge, adjust your routine mentally, kind of take a step back with regards to mental health, I think it's a little bit different. And I talked about this in a couple of different interviews that I've done recently where I've talked about my own story and and treatment and what that process is like and. The takeaway is that when you are making shifts to your mental health, a good clinician will always try to make those shifts in your life before taking a more intensive approach. And either doing like an an intensive hospital stay or a residential program or a therapeutic boarding school, because it's much more challenging to transfer and convert those [00:18:00] skills to your home life if you're learning them in an artificial setting.

So that's always a last resort. You don't want to pick up everything, move and learn these mental health interventions, but then go home and be like, wait, but I don't know how to use these skills because they've only used them when I've been surrounded by a team of clinicians that's walking me through it, that's telling me exactly how to cope through this and I'm not experiencing my day-to-day stressors like school and tests and family relationships and a, a changing routine.

So that idea I think, kind of correlates to this. If you are taking a mental health retreat and vacation and you're like, oh my gosh, I have a whole new lease on life. , I think about things completely differently. I am now a meditator, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You get home and you're like, wait, but I only know how to meditate on the beach now. I don't know how to implement this in my day-to-day life. That's a problem. So it kind of depends. Are you using it as an outlet to recharge and be able to give your best to your life mentally?

Or is it kind of a bypass to implementing [00:19:00] skills in your day-to-day life by doing it in an artificial environment, if that makes sense. I think it depends on the person. There's no way to say this will work, this won't work. But my general take home from doing treatment both at home and in a more intensive setting is that you have to be able to implement the skills in your day-to-day environment or else it's pointless and a waste of time to learn all these skills somewhere else.

Similarly, next question is, what are the best ways to treat and address burnout in college? Very common thing. So many students I hear at Penn are struggling with burnout and overwhelm and stress. My biggest tip here is almost from a prevention perspective, and then I'll get some tips.

If you're like, I'm already burnt out. There's nothing that can be done at this point, please help me.

if you are finding yourself more stressed, you're like, I'm not sure if this is sustainable. This is a lot to handle, especially if you're starting a new semester, a new class loan, a new school, whatever it is. I think it's essential that on a day-to-day basis you are having a sustainable balance and moving in an upwards trajectory.[00:20:00]

What I mean by that is kind of the 80 20 rule. You've probably seen this on social media, heard it in a podcast to book everyday life, whatever. The idea is that 80% of the time you are doing things that are good for your, most of the time it's from a health perspective. So maybe you are getting daily movement, you're eating balanced, you're sleeping enough, and then the 20% is things where you're kind of letting loose.

Maybe you're going out with friends, maybe you're staying up later. Maybe you're watching a TV show that you love. But because you have this 80% continuing on this positive trajectory, the 20% doesn't make a difference in your overall progress, you're still having a net positive.

And so the balance meant that I. Was constantly regressing with respect to my mental health. So from a burnout perspective, I think it's very important to [00:21:00] structure your day in your week to keep you on that upwards trend. So maybe that's your morning routine.

Maybe that's your night routine. You're getting enough sleep, most nights of the week, you're eating balanced. You are setting up your study schedule so that you're not completely overwhelmed and cramming for every single exam. You're doing a little bit of your readings every day, rather than trying to sit down for six hours and do all your textbook readings at one time.

So you are planning a day to make sure that that 80% is solved for, and you are kind of almost in control of that. And then the 20%, which is the stress associated with school. Maybe you get in an argument with a friend, maybe you don't sleep well one night. Yes, you will experiences those challenges.

Those will lead to more stress, but they won't derail your mental health and you won't be completely burnt out because again, . You are on that upwards trajectory and getting better with your ability to cope with stress and life. So that's My advice there. Be very mindful of what is improving your mental health and improving your mood and ability to cope with stress and what is [00:22:00] not, and really optimize for that 80% and be intentional if you are fully burnt out. At this point, I go back to that idea of the vacation retreat. Take a day, take a weekend and truly unplug.

Don't study, don't open the textbook. Do whatever it is that will recharge you mentally. Maybe you're gonna sleep in, maybe you're gonna spend time with friends. Maybe you're gonna go on a walk, maybe you're gonna go to the gym. But whatever it is that is stress you out to the point of burnout, you need to completely a step away from that for a sharp period of time.

Because if you're like, oh, I'm so burn. I'll study for one less hour today. I honestly don't think that's gonna make a huge difference in the stress that you're experiencing. So see if you can try and structure in that, that break that unplugging from whatever it is that is making you stressed, and then start to make shifts towards that 80 20 balance and make those improvements long term.

I would also ask for help. If you are really burnt out, it's gonna be difficult to keep up with your coursework. It's a [00:23:00] lot to stay on top of classes in college. So loop in a friend, loop in a teacher, talk to a therapist, a parent, a family friend. Tell someone that you're feeling really overwhelmed and that you're feeling really stressed.

Because if you're burnt out, it's not unlikely that your mental health will start to struggle as well. So loop someone in, ask for help. See if they have any advice. Maybe you're approaching coursework and effectively maybe you are doing all the readings when you really only need to be doing readings for two classes because the other ones aren't tested on.

Really ask around. See if you can learn from other's experiences and get support and take a more collaborative approach.

Today's episode is brought to you by Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is Better Health's online therapy program for teens.

They have over 14,000 licensed therapists within their network, and they offer support on things like depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and so much more. You guys know that therapy was a huge part of my mental health journey. It's a resource that was absolutely essential for me to recover, maintain my mental health, improve my emotion regulation, distress tolerance, all of [00:24:00] the things.

If you would like to try meeting with a therapist or find a new therapist to meet with, you can go to teen counseling.com/she persisted. They offer talk text and video counseling all from your home. So no need to be on a super long wait list to find a therapist. They will also meet you exactly where you're at with what level of support you're looking for.

So to check out teen counseling, you can go to teen counseling.com/she persisted to find a therapist that meets your needs.

Next question. Ways to deal with imposter syndrome. The first thing that comes to mind is a lot of self-validation and really doing a lot more, almost like pep talks. This is something I'll do when I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I feel like I've done this since I was little. Remember like mentally talking to myself and being like, it's gonna be okay.

You got this. This is overwhelming, but it's okay. So you're gonna do that type of thing where you're talking yourself through a situation, but you're gonna do it from a positive perspective as well. You're not just like getting yourself through those low moments when [00:25:00] someone's giving you a compliment or you get a really great grade on a test or you get some kind of recognition and you're like, oh, it must be a fluke.

Like, I don't deserve this. This isn't really a reflection of my ability. You're also gonna give yourself a pep talk through that and really focus on why you do deserve that and really go above and beyond to articulate why that is the case. So I studied so much for this task. I went to all of my office hours to make sure I was prepared.

I invested so much time and energy into this project. I care so much about this. I'm so passionate about this. So I do deserve this. It is okay to accept this compliment and it is true, and all of those kinds of things.

Really say those things to yourself. You've probably seen people do these on social media into the mirror. I can't do that. That's a little bit much for me. So if you're also at the point where, like self-esteem wise, I don't know if I'm ready to fully give myself an energetic pep talk in the mirror mentally say it to yourself, like that's the baby step of working towards boosting that self-esteem and getting to the point where you can fully give yourself an intense [00:26:00] pep talk in front of the mirror.

But really focus on talking yourself through the positives and not just the negatives. And I think that's a great way to start because imposter syndrome is so tied up in how you talk to yourself and the way that you see yourself. next question is a little bit long, I'm gonna read it out for you.

. I'm a mom of a 16 year old girl who has diagnosed depression for over a year now. She's been on different medications and therapy, but with no result. As a parent, I think my main goals are to make her stick to routines, encourage her to do healthy things that would bring her joy and keep up hope within our family.

To be honest, the last one is sometimes very, very difficult. I have days where I cry and think that I hate my family and I want to leave. Not that I would, of course, but sometimes the hopelessness is so heartbreaking that I find it hard to be a parent. To see your child suffer so much. I would love to hear your viewpoint on how moms can deal with these things and how to keep up hope when there are days when it seems that nothing helps.

I cannot speak to this from a parent's perspective, but I remember my parents having the exact same [00:27:00] sentiment. They were so hopeless, they were so overwhelmed. They wanted things to get better, but on a day-to-day basis, it really was a lot of those negative experiences where things weren't changing. They wanted me to get better, but I didn't want that.

So I think my family completely relates to what you're talking about, and I think it's a very common experience that parents are voicing what you're saying. I think one thing that's not talked about enough is what a toll adolescent mental health challenges take on a parent.

I can't necessarily completely understand what it is, like the little validation and action where you can validate someone but not necessarily have been in their experience. But I can only imagine what it's like to see this person that you love more than anything. To see them in pain, to want them to get better, and for them to not want that for themselves like that is incredibly challenging and incredibly difficult.

There's so many emotions there, there's this element of like, grief for your child that they're experiencing this. I'm sure there's thoughts of like, what can I do? How can I help them? What can I do [00:28:00] differently? And so my biggest advice is to get support for yourself and for yourself as a parent because there are a lot of really big emotions going on there.

It, it's extremely overwhelming. It must be emotionally exhausting and challenging. And I think that getting support from a professional will help in a couple of ways. And I found this in my own family as we did family therapy and as we were all working with mental health professionals, not just me. The first is that you are able to get professional guidance on what you can do effectively.

And your team might not always like this. I can attest, but it's worth it. And in, in the long term it will serve them so much better. So one example is when I initially was hospitalized, my parents would come and visit me. They were bring me lunch and dinner. They would see me multiple times a day. I was on the phone with them all the time.

And it really became this experience of when I. In crisis mode. And when I was in the hospital, that was a surefire way to realize that people cared about me, that they saw that I was [00:29:00] struggling, that they wanted to help me, that they knew that things weren't okay. And that validation was something that I was always searching for. My day-to-day was consumed with, with struggle and overwhelm, and I'd never felt like anyone fully understood how much pain I was in. So anytime anyone could say or do anything to acknowledge that, I was like, yes, please keep doing that.

So when my parents were navigating this themselves, again, they were seeing me on a daily basis. They were trying to support me as much as possible, the best that they knew. How when a mental health professional got involved and gave their input from their years of experience and extensive education, they were like, but maybe this isn't the most effective because it's reinforcing this hospitalization.

It's reinforcing this really intense intervention and reinforcing these behaviors, and she's getting validation in a way that's not effective and not healthy. And so that was one example of, as a parent, you think that one thing might be helpful from a mental health perspective and from a clinician's perspective, there might be a more [00:30:00] effective intervention or approach.

So instead of my parents heaping on the validation when I was in crisis mode, they instead would heap on the validation when I was vulnerable, when I asked for help, when I told them that I wasn't okay and when I went to them for support. So I still got that need met.

They were still being caring and loving and supportive, but it was in moments that I was being effective rather than maladaptive in my coping mechanisms. So that was one way that getting professional support was helpful, is you get guidance on how you can truly serve your child and allow them to be more effective and see, see shifts from a behavioral perspective.

The next is that you start modeling a lot of the behaviors and skills that you want them to use. You start to be more effective with being vulnerable and articulating your emotions and expressing your thoughts and telling them how this experience is making you feel.

And you are really able to, again, model these things that you want your child to do. You want your child to be vulnerable. You want them to ask for help. You want them to use their skills. If you are also going to therapy, getting support, using [00:31:00] your skills, being vulnerable. They are able to then see that model on a daily basis, and implement those as well.

Another thing that's so helpful about your family going to therapy collectively, is that you have a mediator. When you do have conflicts or moments of tension, you have a professional that can call you all out, that can call your child out and be like, okay, but this is not effective for you to sleep all day, every day and not use any of your skills.

They can call you out and say, that's not the most effective way to validate your, your kid in this situation. So you're able to get that professional input rather than you as a parent being like, why won't my child get outta bed? And the child being like, why won't my parent validate me? You.

Have that middle man to facilitate both of those perspectives and get you guys both to use your skills and get those needs met. And I think that it will be really, really, really effective to get a whole lot of validation and guidance on how you can deal with this. Because yes, while your child is in a lot of pain, I'm sure you are as well.

And just [00:32:00] because your child needs support doesn't mean that you don't also need support. So getting that support, I think will allow you to support your child better. It'll help you feel better, and hopefully increase that hopefulness as you see shifts that you can make, you start modeling these things, you start improving the relationship, et cetera.

Next question is, hi, I really like your website and story. Did you ever have medication side effects? Like athe? Could you do a podcast on this?

So if anyone's not familiar with athe a k me, I had to Google it. It's defined as the inability to remain still. It's psychomotor restlessness. I have not experienced this specific side effect, but I had a lot of side effects, especially when I first started taking medication. The first antidepressant I ever took was Lexapro, and I'm still on Lexapro.

We went full circle and we went back to Lexapro because it was the only medication that I didn't have side effects on. I went through a period in residential, and right before I went to residential where I was extremely nauseous for months from these medications. No idea why, but just the way that I [00:33:00] digested and metabolized these medications, the way that my body interacted with them, I was extremely nauseous. I also was super allergic to Zoloft.

I did a hospital stay one time to really quickly like titrate and de titrate and start Zoloft to the new medication. So within like seven days, I went to a full dose of Zoloft. Within two days of discharging, I started to get like full body hives. My limbs were swelling, my ears were swelling. My tongue was swelling.

Was a disaster. It was Christmas. I was very unwell, to say the least. I was in the emergency room trying to explain to them that I had just started this new medication. And if you're not familiar with antidepressants, you are supposed to titrate up over like months, like half a milligram a week at the beginning, and then five milligrams a week, five milligrams a month, like it's a long-term process.

And then when you go off of a medication, it's the exact same thing. You're going down by five milligrams, maybe 2.5, like really slow titrations because your body [00:34:00] becomes , used to taking them. So I did this really super quick titration up to my full dosage with Zoloft, had this insane allergic reaction, was getting like IV Benadryl.

It was a terrible experience. And then the way that we had to solve it was that I had to cold Turkey, stop taking it, and I had withdrawal symptoms. Four weeks. I was dizzy. I, I can't even explain it. I physically just didn't feel right. I had all of these random symptoms that are associated with antidepressant withdrawal.

They went away, but the importance is titrating up and titrating down. So yes, I have experienced side effects and that's why it's so important to try different medications and find one that works for you without side effects. Because a lot of the times these are like long-term interventions. The rule of thumb, I think, is that it takes like six to eight weeks to see the full result of an antidepressant.

So you're not on these for like a couple of days. If we're specifically talking about SSRIs,

So it's very important to find a [00:35:00] medication that will not interfere with your life and interfere with your quality of life from a side effect perspective, while also getting your needs met from a mental health perspective. I also really have to of course mention how important skills usage is antidepressants can be really effective, but they're shown to be the most effective when coupled with C B T or skills education. And sometimes , the skills education can almost have a larger impact than the antidepressants because the skills usage you'll be able to use for your entire life. Well, at some point you might go off of the antidepressant.

So really the, the take home here is that yes, I have experienced that. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a doctor, but it's important to do a pros and cons. Again, four boxes. What are the benefits of taking this medication? What are the benefits of not taking it? If you are restless 24 hours a day and that is causing you now more stress and greatly impacting your quality of life, maybe that's not the right medication for you.

Second to last question, I have had suicidal thoughts, but when I try to tell my parents, they tell me that other people have it [00:36:00] way worse than me, and to just stop feeling that way. So I can't get help. Is there a way that I can fix it myself? How do I stop thinking about that? . This is something that's really tough and challenging when it comes to asking for help as a teen.

It's that when you go to ask for help, again, there's this idea of your parents are almost gatekeepers. Like to go to therapy, you need parental consent. So there's a couple of different things you can do here. I'm gonna start from a problem solving perspective, and then we can talk about it more from like an emotional what can you do yourself perspective.

The first thing I would do is make an appointment to meet with your school counselor. Your school counselor will be really helpful to give their insight and experience and recommendations on how you can utilize resources that your parents don't need to necessarily like, approve or spearhead the process.

You can also talk to your pediatrician. This is another great option. And depending on how opposed your parents are to you getting support, maybe your school counselor or your [00:37:00] pediatrician can do the legwork of being like therapy can be really helpful for teens. Suicidal ideation is very common. It isn't necessarily correlated with how intense the mental health challenges are that you're experiencing.

Like many people experience these things, it's not an appropriate response to tell your child that other people have it worse. Like someone else can do that advocacy work for you. So loop in an adult that you trust, see if you can get their support there. And sometimes with parents, when another adult comes at them and explains to them that the way they're thinking about something isn't effective, that holds more weight than you being like, but you don't get it.

This is really important. Not to say that an adult will know your experience better than you because that's not the case. But sometimes our parents almost have blinders on when we ask for things. So that's the first thing to try and loop in another adult

because suicidal ideation is a really overwhelming and big and heavy thing to deal with, and I think it's very important to get support and have an adult with you to navigate that.

I've [00:38:00] done a couple of episodes talking about suicidal ideation, which I will link in the show notes

There's a couple of things that were helpful for me. One of them was rewiring my thought processes, and it took a while to get to the point where I'm like, I'm taking this off the table as an option. This is no longer something I'm going to entertain as a mental coping skill.

But every time you experience a suicidal ideation, there are some things that you can do in tandem with that. Maybe it's some self-validation. Maybe you're saying, I am really overwhelmed and stressed, and so it makes sense that I'm mentally struggling to feel the motivation to keep going right now. So on top of the suicidal ideation, also introducing himself. Validation, Another thing that I think can be really effective and helpful when you're struggling with suicidal ideation is getting curious with why you're experiencing something. What was the precursor to that thought? Was it a behavior? Was it an emotion? Was it an interaction? And then seeing if there are other ways to cope with that event.

So if it's an argument, an interaction that's leading to that thought, maybe there [00:39:00] are ways to go and then interact with someone else and get your needs met relationally from that other relationship. If you are experiencing really intense shame and then this thought pops into your head, what can you do to cope with that shame rather than having that thought, if that makes. So take 'em there or get an adult involved. It doesn't have to be your parents, but there are other ways to access resources and get support through your school, through your pediatrician, and have other adults help advocate on your behalf, especially when your parents aren't as open to the idea of going to therapy.

And yeah, I really just wanna say, I don't think you should be expected to navigate this yourself. , no. Human should. It's a very overwhelming and challenging thing to go through. And so I hope that there are other people in your life that can help support you through this, especially adults. Last question of the day is tips to care for your mental health when you're hormonal and about to get your period.

This is a great question. I actually had two people ask this. One person asks about premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is when you have [00:40:00] extreme like almost PMs, but it actually is on the scale of depressive symptoms. We learned about this when I was in a residential and then someone else just asks like, what to do when you're more hormonal? My approach with any exacerbated circumstance related to your mental health, like it's finals week, you're getting less sleep, you're more stressed, you're going home on vacation, and you know that things are gonna be attempted with your family. It's winter and you know that you're really sensitive about not getting enough sunlight. Any of these times when we know we're gonna be more susceptible to mental health challenges, we want to overcorrect and we want to go above and beyond to fill up the emotional bank, if that makes sense. So if you know that the week before you get your period, you're more hormonal, you're more emotional, your mental health is a bit worse, what can you do to really decrease your emotional vulnerability and do everything you can to control how much you're struggling.

the way that I would approach this is making sure you are without a doubt, getting enough sleep every night. Sleep is one of the biggest determinants of mental health, especially for me. So I would be getting like [00:41:00] eight hours every single night, non-negotiable. That is my number one priority that week.

I would also make sure I'm eating balanced meals. We don't wanna add anything else to our plate. If we know that from a hormonal perspective, we're already a little bit overwhelmed and emotionally vulnerable. I would also make sure I'm getting some kind of daily movement.

So maybe you're taking a walk every day, maybe you're working out, you're doing all these things to improve your mental health in ways that you can control it. It would also do your best to do a lot of accumulating positives that week. This is a D B T scale where you plan moments of joy. So put like three coffees with friends on the calendar, make plans in advance to get dinner with your friends on certain nights.

Are you gonna study together? Are you gonna watch a TV show together? What can you do to make sure that you are getting support and interactions from your friends? And then on the accumulating positive subject plan, things that make you happy and that boost your mood.

Watch your favorite TV show that week. Watch that comfort show. Eat your favorite foods. Listen to your favorite artist. Read a book that you really [00:42:00] like. Go on a walk, see your friends again. All of these things that make you happy go above and beyond. Overcompensate and do everything you can to decrease that emotional vulnerability and fill your emotional bank.

So if you're a little bit more emotional and vulnerable because of your period, you are able to have almost more leeway with what you can handle without completely going into crisis mode. Alrighty. Those are all the questions. Sorry I gave very long responses, . Hope you guys like that. As always, if you like this episode, share with a friend or family member, write a review, it helps so much.

I really, really do appreciate it. And yeah, I will talk to you guys next week for an interview. Thank you so much for listening. You guys are the best and I'll talk to you then.

Sadie: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of she persisted. If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family member, it really helps out the podcast. And if you haven't already leave a review on apple podcasts or [00:43:00] Spotify, you can also make sure to follow along at actually persisted podcast on both Instagram and Tik TOK, and check out all the bonus resources, content and information on my website.

She persisted podcast.com. Thanks for supporting. Keep persisting and I'll see you next week.

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