125. Tips for Teens: Relationships, College Apps, Finals Stress & More! feat. Talk With Zach

Dec 6

listen to this episode:

Today's guest is Zach Gottlieb, who is the 16-year-old founder of Talk With Zach. Talk With Zach is a Gen-Z movement and community that hosts important conversations to change the culture, inspire activism, and make the world a better place. In this episode, we discuss navigating friendships and romantic relationships as a teen, unique mental health struggles faced by teenage boys, the dangers of social media, college application process tips, and advice for parents on how to support their teens.

Zach's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/talkwithzach/

Mentioned In The Episode…

+ Talk With Zach Website

+ Ask Zach

SHOP GUEST RECOMMENDATIONS: https://amzn.to/3A69GOC

Episode Sponsors

🛋This week's episode is sponsored by Teen Counseling. Teen Counseling is an online therapy program with over 14,000 licensed therapists in their network offering support with depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and more via text, talk, and video counseling. Head to teencounseling.com/shepersisted to find a therapist today!

About She Persisted (formerly Nevertheless, She Persisted)

After a year and a half of intensive treatment for severe depression and anxiety, 18-year-old Sadie recounts her journey by interviewing family members, professionals, and fellow teens to offer self-improvement tips, DBT education, and personal experiences. She Persisted is the reminder that someone else has been there too and your inspiration to live your life worth living.

a note: this is an automated transcription so please ignore any accidental misspellings!

[00:00:00] Sadie: Welcome to She Persisted. I'm your host, Sadie Sutton, a 19 year old from the Bay Area studying psychology at the University of Penn. She Persisted is the Teen Mental Health Podcast made for teenagers by a teen. In each episode, I'll bring you authentic, accessible, and relatable conversations about every aspect of mental wellness.

[00:00:19] Sadie: You can expect evidence-based, teen approved resources, coping skills, including lots of D B T insights and education in. Each piece of content you consume, she persisted, Offers you a safe space to feel validated and understood in your struggle, while encouraging you to take ownership of your journey and build your life worth living.

[00:00:37] Sadie: So let's dive in this week on She persisted.

[00:00:42] Zach: I'm definitely. In the thick of college pressure. And my advice is really just be the best applicant you can be.

[00:00:49] Zach: Don't try to be the other people. Try to be the best version of you. Make yourself stand out and just instead of looking at what everyone else is doing. Do what you like to do, go deep into that, do great things with it, and that's what's gonna help you the most. A lot of parents are so caught up in the comparison. Don't worry about that. Worry about making your kid the best applicant they can be.

[00:01:13] Sadie: Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of She Persisted. I am so excited because of the fellow teen mental health advocate on the show today. You guys know that I love having other teenagers on. She persisted because that's why I started. She persisted. I wanted it to be a resource for teens made by a teenager, and this conversation is the perfect representation of that.

[00:01:37] Sadie: So, Two. Today's guest is Zach Gottlieb. He is the 16 year old founder of Talk with Zach, a Gen Z movement and community that hosts important conversations to change the culture, inspire activism, and make the world a better place.

[00:01:51] Sadie: Before we get into this episode, I wanted to say a huge thank you because. As I'm recording it, it is Spotify wrapped day, and if you didn't know podcasters get a Spotify wrapped of their own to learn about listeners and I You guys killed it this year.

[00:02:07] Sadie: This is not me. This is you guys. You guys listened from 70 countries, , you guys listened 162% more hours this year, which is wild. I released over 1,700 minutes of this podcast. I hope that no one listened to all of that, but.

[00:02:25] Sadie: Really exciting stat and 39 episodes came out this year, which is insane. Additionally, she persisted was the top podcast for 176 Spotify listeners. It was in the top five for 632 listeners and in the top 10 for 970. So if any of those is you, thank you, thank you, thank you. It really does mean the world

[00:02:50] Sadie: and she persisted, was in the top 5% of the most shared podcast globally. So let's add on to that for this next year. Make sure to share today's episode with a friend or family member if you find it helpful. As always, if you share on social media, I'll repost it, give you a little shout out. But yeah, I just am so grateful for you guys.

[00:03:08] Sadie: I had no listeners at the beginning of this. I've said this many times. My first month was like 24 listeners. Literally all me reloading. I built this from zero listeners without an audience, and I'm just so grateful for every single one of you that has listened and beyond that. I just hope this is helpful for you and I hope that this show.

[00:03:29] Sadie: In addition to something that I'm so passionate about, and that gives me so much purpose and pride. I really do hope it's valuable for you on your journey with your mental health. So with that little heartfelt moment, we're gonna dive into this week's episode with Zach. We talk.

[00:03:44] Sadie: All things stress and finals and all different things that teenagers navigate. We talk about his own experience. We talk about male mental health. Anything and everything that you can imagine that teenagers are dealing with, we dive into it in this episode. So hope you find it helpful. Let's dive in.

[00:04:00] Sadie: Well, thank you so much for joining me today, Zach. I'm so excited to have you on. She persistent.

[00:04:05] Zach: Yeah, thanks for having me. I'm excited to do

[00:04:07] Sadie: this. Of course. So I wanted to start with talking about teen male mental health specifically.

[00:04:14] Sadie: It's a topic that I haven't been able to shed a ton of light on. I've talked to a couple of people about how. Nicotine use can impact male mental health. I've talked a little bit to adults that have gone through mental health challenges as a teenager and how toxic masculinity and things can impact that.

[00:04:30] Sadie: But I really wanted to get your perspective as someone who is currently navigating the challenges of being a teenager, high school, college applications, all of that kind of stuff about what it's like. To do that as a male because obviously there's so much societal conditioning that we receive. There's a lot of different things that the research shows about how that impacts males.

[00:04:49] Sadie: Whether it's suicide rates, whether it's rates of depression. Which is really interesting. If listeners aren't familiar, the rate of depression in teenage girls is higher, but the rate of suicide in males is higher. So there's this kind of juxtaposition that both are really struggling, but it seems like females are vocalizing it more, they're more conditioned to,

[00:05:08] Sadie: advocate for those, not even advocate, but just speak about those emotions. They're more likely to talk to their friends about the challenges they're going through. So what is that like? Have you experienced those differences? Have you found it difficult to talk about mental health? What has that been like in your experience?

[00:05:24] Zach: Sure. I, I'm not surprised by those statistics at all because I've noticed that one thing that separates males and females is that females are a lot more likely to talk about what they feel and share it. Whereas men, I mean, it's so rooted in our culture that men are supposed to be more stoic, so it makes sense.

[00:05:44] Zach: They just bought up their feelings. Then as you can see, it just leads to a much worse result when you hold everything inside. In terms of my own experience like way beginning of Covid my grandfather, who I was really close with, passed away, and when that happened, the message that I got was be strong.

[00:06:03] Zach: Like, you could get through this. You're tough. And it wasn't like I didn't really have the room to talk about what I felt necessarily, whereas the women in my family were given a lot more leeway in terms of expressing their emotions, and that's when it really hit me that . It's very different for men in how they deal with anything, whether it's grief, whether it's something smaller.

[00:06:25] Zach: And I've noticed that a lot of my friends don't really talk about their emotions a lot. A lot of my male friends at least, whereas my female friends open up a lot more and are more comfortable with doing so. So I've definitely noticed this and I think that it is really harmful, not only for men, but also for females, because when we have this culture it's like only one gender group can really express themselves.

[00:06:52] Zach: And I think it's difficult because when you're talking to men, you never really know If they're just saying they're fine or if they're actually fine in a relationship, it's difficult, whether it's ar ro a romantic relationship or a friendship, and I think that. If this doesn't change, it's just gonna be worse and the suicide rates are gonna go up.

[00:07:15] Zach: I just feel like bottling your feelings is one of the worst things you can do. But the thing is, it's very difficult for men not to do that because of what the culture dictates. .

[00:07:27] Sadie: Yeah. It's also so interesting to think about the relationship dynamics. Like you mentioned, if one person is always expressing emotions or has more experience handling someone else's emotions and someone just doesn't have that skill set, it creates a complete.

[00:07:40] Sadie: Power I balance almost. Exactly. And it's very difficult for both emotional needs to get met. Do you think that we're seeing a shift towards males speaking more about their mental health challenges and emotions? I feel like, at least on TikTok, I'm seeing more male creators talk about these challenges. But it also does feel like the adult demographic and not yet teenagers.

[00:08:00] Sadie: But I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[00:08:02] Zach: Yeah, I've also seen that I have seen some teens open up on TikTok. Oh, awesome. Some male teens, which is very nice to see. Very few people are doing it, but I'm, I'm really glad that it's happening because I feel like a couple years ago you just never see that. So I feel like we're in the right direction.

[00:08:22] Zach: We just need to continue on this path. I've noticed. Male vulnerability has become increasingly talked about and increasingly modeled by high profile people. And I think that's really good. But I think we need to continue with this. And really, I think, for my generation, TikTok is one of the best places.

[00:08:43] Zach: So I think promoting it there, making videos of content creators just share. And be vulnerable. I think that can really help because it's one thing to say to be vulnerable and another thing to actually model what it's like to be vulnerable in putting yourself out. ,

[00:08:58] Sadie: what can people within the community and life of someone that is trying to be more vulnerable, trying to express these emotions do to be helpful.

[00:09:08] Sadie: I'm thinking of what's not helpful with parents, being way over the top. Like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy that you're expressing this emotion. You are so safe. And then the just not acknowledging it at all. What has been helpful for you or for friends of yours or people that you've seen in the mental health space?

[00:09:23] Zach: Well, obviously something in the middle there. I mean, I feel like so many people are over playing it and being like, oh my God, this is so amazing. And it's just So overblown that it, I feel like it almost turns off people. Yes. So I think meeting somewhere in the middle, being open and receptive to what they're saying, instead of being like, oh my God, you're being vulnerable.

[00:09:43] Zach: This is amazing. Just like listen and act like it's a normal thing because if we just make it all over the top, it's gonna seem like this weird new thing instead of something that we're trying to normalize. So I think my tip for that is listen and be there and be open to what they have to say and respond.

[00:10:02] Zach: And, you know, I, I, I think it's a really special thing if someone opens up to you. So just meet them in the middle.

[00:10:09] Sadie: Absolutely. And it's a very achievable thing to do. Just create space for someone else's emotions. You don't have to stress out about saying the exact right thing back, just treat it like normal, continue the relationship.

[00:10:20] Sadie: So I think that's a great tip. You have created this amazing community where you answer so many. Audience questions about teen mental health struggles, challenges, whether it's school or relationships or college applications, all of these different things.

[00:10:34] Sadie: So I'd love to hear from you what your top stressors, challenges that you're seeing in your audience that teens are facing.

[00:10:43] Zach: I think it really depends on the time. Like a few weeks ago or about a month ago now. We were in the midst of finals. Yeah. So then it was really academic stress was all the rage.

[00:10:54] Zach: Now over the summer, I think it's a lot more of relationship pressure, whether it's a breakup or social with friends and social media has always. It's just a chronic source of pressure and anxiety. So I think those are some of the big ones. And then there are other things that I've talked about, like grief addiction, gender identity and racism and just things like that that are consistent as well.

[00:11:21] Sadie: Absolutely, and especially with the news landscape, those things are always being brought up. Those emotions are consistently very raw. So very relevant topics. So I'd love to dive into a couple of those topics and give input and advice on how teenagers can navigate those kind of model, that vulnerability as we just talked about.

[00:11:39] Sadie: Let's start with relationships. We'll dive into social media after that and then cover a couple more topics on relationships. What are you seeing? What are the most common concerns that are coming up? And then what advice are you giving to your audience? .

[00:11:54] Zach: So in terms of relationships, I'm getting both platonic and romantic relationships.

[00:12:00] Zach: I think both of them are really important. And I'll just start with platonic. So I think the main things that are coming up are like, oh, I'm becoming a little more distant from my friends over the summer. And I think the main thing for that is just keep in contact and understand that it happens to literally every.

[00:12:17] Zach: It's just natural people go places, people do things. So I think just knowing that, that's what happens over the summer. And also just keep in context send them a TikTok, I don't know, like text them, whatever. Yeah. Do something like that. And then the other thing is more personal and specific relationship things.

[00:12:34] Zach: And I. The number one thing that's important. I mean, this can go for either romantic or just friends, but communication is so key. If people don't communicate, you're just never gonna know what the issue is. So communicate, just say what you feel. If you don't like something voice it out.

[00:12:52] Zach: It's not gonna hurt the other person if you do it in a respectful way. And then romantic relationships. I actually did a post. I don't know if this is coming up, but I did a post about breakups today because I got a blog post about it actually. And they can be really tough, but I think the important things to remember, just don't overanalyze what happened, don't stress about it.

[00:13:11] Zach: Take some space. Get away from wherever you were with that person and just focus on yourself. Focus on moving past it. It's gonna hurt for a little. , you're not gonna be over her in a day if it was a meaningful relationship or him or whoever you're trying to do. I'm just thinking of me.

[00:13:29] Zach: But yeah, yeah, I think those are the main points for that. And then again, I've gotten some, when people are still in a relationship, again, communication is really important. I just feel like a lot of times people are scared to sort of move forward and I think the number one thing for that is just being on the same page and talking about where both of you are.

[00:13:50] Sadie: Are you seeing people anxious, nervous, uncertain about how relationships, friends, and romantic will change when you go to college or graduate high school and experience that transition?

[00:14:01] Zach: Yeah, I definitely have people worried about that, I got a question that this girl wrote in, she's like, my boyfriend and I are both graduating from high school and I'm just a little worried about that.

[00:14:12] Zach: So I think it really depends. I mean personally, I think that long distance when you're starting college is just super difficult. Yeah. But I mean, by all means, if you're, willing to do that and you're in and it's a decision both of you're happy with, by all means do it. And I just feel like knowing that almost our relationships just end when people go to college is just something really important to keep in mind.

[00:14:36] Zach: Mm-hmm. . And then another thing in terms of friends keeping in contact is just really key there. Text each other, check in. Just build those relationships and you know, if it's summer break, winter break, whenever, I mean you're home a lot. In college, you know, there are a lot of breaks, so you could definitely see each other then.

[00:14:55] Zach: It's not the same. I'm not saying it's the same, I'm just saying there are more opportunities than a lot of people think.

[00:15:01] Sadie: I've also found that relationships at home, whether it's family or friends from high school, can be so helpful in getting support, venting, improving your mental health, because in college, in most cases, you're meeting an entire new set of people.

[00:15:16] Sadie: You're still building those relationships. So to also try and lean on those people for mental health support. When you're struggling can be a little bit difficult because the foundation might not be there. And so I think it's another good reminder that you can lean on those high school relationships.

[00:15:31] Sadie: You can call up a friend and vent about final stress or this friend you're getting in an argument with a roommate, troubles or whatever it is, or call a parent and be like, this is the worst week ever. I'm so stressed out because that foundation is there. Those people care about you, they love you, and they want to hear from you.

[00:15:48] Sadie: And even though you. Living at home anymore, even though you're not seeing each other every day, it doesn't mean that they still don't wanna support you or that they're not worried about you or wanting to see you succeed. And. . That was something that I think I almost forgot at the beginning of college.

[00:16:02] Sadie: And then once I remembered, it was just such a nice thing to know, like no matter what happens, I have these amazing relationships that I've already built, and I can lean on those for support while I'm still continuing to build these new friendships and get to know this new group of people.

[00:16:17] Zach: Yeah, I think that's a great strategy, especially.

[00:16:20] Zach: If you're hearing from people who aren't at college with you, because it's giving you a different perspective and it's adding new information in a new way of thinking of the situation. And also just having that support from someone that you feel that comfortable with. I just feel like separating yourself, talking to someone that's not where you are can just make all the difference.

[00:16:39] Zach: So, yeah. Thanks for bringing.

[00:16:40] Sadie: Yeah. I think another thing I, I love what you said about different perspectives and it's funny because I feel like what I noticed with my friends and I, we would like, share the highlight reels of what was going on in college and whenever we would actually talk and catch up on what was going on, we were all feeling the same way.

[00:16:57] Sadie: We were like, this is exhausting. We miss. School friends, we still haven't found our groups yet, and we will at some point, but this is just overwhelming and new and things aren't as perfect as they might seem from the outside. And so I think that's a really great thing that you're all navigating this new experience at the same time.

[00:17:16] Sadie: You're all awkward new freshmen. Kind of in this new landscape with new challenges you've never experienced before. And so even though you might be on different sides of the country or with completely different people and different majors, a lot of these experiences are universal and a lot of them are very relatable and have the same emotions come up for lots of people.

[00:17:35] Zach: Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think whatever college you go to, you're in a big school or small school, it's still the same things you're dealing with. It's meeting all new. College is stressful. It's s Yeah, yeah, exactly. The living is different. Yes. You're away from home.

[00:17:50] Zach: And, and yeah, I just feel like having that support and knowing you're not alone, not just at your college, but everywhere is really important.

[00:17:59] Sadie: Two days episode is brought to you by Teen counseling. Teen counseling is better. Helps branch of their online therapy program. They have over 14,000 licensed therapists within their network offering support on things like depression, anxiety, relationships, trauma, and so much more.

[00:18:14] Sadie: So many challenges that Zach and I discussed in this episode can be beneficial to work with a therapist on, and when I've navigated many of these things, I've worked with a therapist.

[00:18:23] Sadie: Therapy is a great resource to have in your toolkit to have support during your teenage years because teens are the most vulnerable population when it comes to mental health. 50% of mental health challenges are established by age 14 and 75% by age 24. So if there's ever a time to get support and make sure that you have the skills in your toolkit to navigate mental health challenges, It's now. So with that, if you guys would like to find a therapist and do therapy virtually, which is a great option if you don't have a therapist near you where there's long waiting lists or referral periods.

[00:19:00] Sadie: Teen counseling is a great option. They offer text talk and video counseling all from your home, so depending on what level of support you are looking for, they meet you where you are at. So you can head to teen counseling.com/she persisted to find a therapist that fits your needs today. Again, that is teen counseling.com/she persist.

[00:19:20] Sadie: Also relating to relationships, parents, family dynamics, conflict there. What are people most concerned about? Is it improving relationships with parents?

[00:19:30] Sadie: Is it trying to be more vulnerable with them? Building trust? Is it conflict that's coming up? What are you seeing in your community?

[00:19:36] Zach: Yeah, so I get a lot of questions about parents. I also get questions from parents asking about how to help their teens, which is kind of

[00:19:41] Sadie: funny. Parents send in so many.

[00:19:44] Sadie: Yes. They really do. They're really do. So concerned on behalf of the teens. And it's kind of funny, but to all the parents listening, I answer all your questions. I love getting them, but it's funny that they're always reaching out and it's not the teen as much.

[00:19:57] Zach: Yeah, I know. It, it is really funny. And I think what that comes with and, and the reason for that is they really care about their teams.

[00:20:06] Zach: Yeah. They wanna do everything to help them, to lead them to a successful.

[00:20:11] Sadie: And, and they've never done this before. They're looking for all the help they can get naturally, so there's no manual, so it totally makes sense. Yeah.

[00:20:18] Zach: They should really make like a parent guidebook. Oh, there's so many

[00:20:21] Sadie: books on parents.

[00:20:22] Sadie: I mean, there's

[00:20:22] Zach: so many books, but like. and actual, and I really, yeah, like an official Bible Yes. Like thing. Yes. I don't know. Everyone follows That would be amazing. But anyway, I think the main things that parents are writing in about or how do I get my teen to open up? Yeah. And I think, I mean the strategy that I've noticed works the best is just creating a space where your team feels comfortable coming to you and a space where you're not gonna overreact.

[00:20:50] Zach: I feel like so many teens are nervous to come to their parents because they're like, I'm gonna be punished, or they're gonna go crazy and they're not really gonna listen to me. And I feel like so many parents are actually guilty of this. I feel like they're so quick to blame their teens. And I think what they have to realize is this is a learning process.

[00:21:09] Zach: This is an age where we do things that we're not necessarily the most proud. , you know, and I think that allowing them to come to you is just a really, really great.

[00:21:20] Sadie: Yeah, and I think treating like every little vulnerability that they share with you, whether it's I don't know, a teacher that they don't like at school or stress they're experiencing, or they've gone through a breakup, treating that as if it's this big crisis that they need a lot of validation and support on.

[00:21:36] Sadie: So then they know exactly what to expect. If they really need your support, they know that you'll be validating. They'll know that you'll listen. You won't judge that you care about them, that you'll give them advice if they want it or. Be there to support you if that's what you need. And yeah, so that you're building that relationship, you're building that foundation and the teen's not like what would happen if I shared an emotion with my parents because they know what happened.

[00:22:01] Sadie: It's just on a bigger scale if they really need that support.

[00:22:04] Zach: Yeah. Yeah. I a hundred percent agree. And then on the other end, for teens when they're writing in about parents, a lot of it's just dealing with overbearing parents. Yeah, my parents, my mom is as well. It's so common. It's so, so common.

[00:22:20] Zach: Especially now it's crazy preparation for college. Oh my God. I, I can't, it's. It's insane. Mm-hmm. . But I think my strategy for that is to just set boundaries and be vocal about what you need from them. And I think parents need to understand that this approach, it's just not effective as they think there are things that their kids need to do.

[00:22:44] Zach: But if you control and micromanage every aspect of their lives, not only will not help them. Be a successful applicant for college, but also won't prepare them for life. Another thing is parents try to force their kids sometimes to do certain activities, and I think this is really detrimental because if the teen isn't actually passionate about whatever it is, it's not, I mean, like the parents having them do it for college reasons, for the resume.

[00:23:13] Zach: But if they're not actually passionate about it, it's not going to do much. And I feel like a lot of parents they sort of dissuade their teens from doing things that are less mainstream, but they should know that that actually looks really good. So yeah, let your teen pursue their passion.

[00:23:31] Zach: It'll help them for college, it'll help them for life. Take a step back and if just be there for support. Don't, don't try to. Incriminate on every aspect of their life. Cuz sometimes they could feel like

[00:23:42] Sadie: that. Yeah. And I think teens do get burnt out. That's very possible. Even though they're young, the schedule that they're keeping up with and the commitments they're balancing are really intense.

[00:23:52] Sadie: And so I think it's important to. Be mindful of that in your teen and as a teenager, being mindful of those signs of like not being interested in what you're doing, feeling exhausted, feeling overwhelmed, and you a break from all these commitments because it's a very real thing. And it can be really detrimental to these bigger goals that probably both you as a teen and your parents are pursuing, whether that's college or career or larger passions.

[00:24:16] Zach: Yeah, exactly.

[00:24:17] Sadie: Cool. Okay, so social media, another huge topic that everyone wants to talk about because the data does show that. Social media is detrimental to mental health. It decreases self-esteem, it increases body image issues and we're spending more time on it than ever before. What are the most common concerns that teens are bringing up?

[00:24:38] Sadie: Is it social media addiction? Is it self-esteem? Is it confidence? Is it procrastination? What are people worried about?

[00:24:45] Zach: Yeah. I, I think that's all of those. Some of the big ones are really addiction. Because I mean, if you're on TikTok that are just endless videos on your page. And you could just get sucked right in.

[00:24:58] Zach: And those

[00:24:58] Sadie: videos do not help when you're like, you've been scrolling on TikTok for a long time. Want to take a break? Oh my

[00:25:04] Zach: God. Just scroll. I'm just like, no, I'm just gonna scroll by another video. Yeah. Yeah, so, so it can be so trapping. And sometimes I'll be like, you know, I'm gonna take a quick break and be on TikTok for a few minutes and then it'll be a couple hours and I just don't know where that time went.

[00:25:20] Zach: Instagram, same thing on Instagram. I've noticed a lot of comparison and body image and lifestyle comparison as well. And that really affects self-esteem and confidence and I think that is really, really detrimental because what a lot of people are missing is. You don't see any of the bad pictures.

[00:25:40] Zach: Do you know how many pictures people take to find the right, like how many pictures

[00:25:44] Sadie: they, they didn't take when they were like laying in bed or procrastinating or Oh, exactly. All that kind of

[00:25:48] Zach: stuff. Yeah. No one's gonna post I'm in bed doing homework at midnight. No, they're gonna post when they're at a party or they're hanging out with friends, doing something cool.

[00:25:58] Zach: They're traveling. And I think that jealousy factor is just really. Hurtful for a lot of people

[00:26:02] Sadie: to see it. . Yeah. I think another thing to to add here is that the algorithm is really good. It will listen to you. So if you decide to be intentional and decide to be a critical consumer with your Instagram feed and you're like, I know these.

[00:26:15] Sadie: Creators aren't supporting my mental health. I know that these friends even though I love them, are making me have negative thoughts. You can mute people, you can unfollow, you can block, and you can start consuming more content that is good for your mental health. And my favorite example of this is that my explore feed on Instagram is all puppy videos and nail videos because those are what make me happy.

[00:26:37] Sadie: And it's what I go on Instagram to consume. It's loading. Here are my puppy and nail videos, . It's true. So you can make social media a place that does improve your mental health, even if it's just sprinkling in nice quotes or. Videos that make you happy or funny creators. I think it's very possible to alter that consumer experience, but you have to decide to be intentional about that.

[00:27:02] Sadie: And you have to be mindful about what emotions come up when you're scrolling on Instagram or TikTok or these other platforms. Something funny to add here, I saw TikTok a while ago where it was like the most toxic social media platform, without a doubt is LinkedIn. Definitely true since Kim's kind of bad LinkedIn is terrible.

[00:27:20] Sadie: Yeah,

[00:27:21] Zach: I think that's a very underrated comment. I think that just what people put on there is insane, especially for teens, I mean, With this culture. There are people in eighth grade with stacked resumes on LinkedIn and interest, like they,

[00:27:35] Sadie: like volunteered one time oversaw and curated.

[00:27:39] Sadie: Just, it's, it's insane.

[00:27:41] Zach: It's, it really is. It's over the top .

[00:27:43] Sadie: There was this one kid that went to my school and he worked at Starbucks as a barista and he put in this LinkedIn. I can't remember the exact language, but it was managing partner, overseeing customer relations and mentioned and he just made coffees and it was like, can we have to check the facts here?

[00:28:00] Sadie: Cause this is not accurate.

[00:28:02] Zach: Yeah, I know. It's people just put anything on there. I mean, they just spin whatever it is they did

[00:28:08] Sadie: and especially with college applications, it makes you feel so insecure about yourself as well, because I know, I know you're showing these ways that you've invested your time and you're like, did I not invest my time?

[00:28:19] Sadie: Right. Did I not do enough? Where did I go wrong? And then there's not anything you can do to change that. So what is your advice for teenagers that are in the college application process, whether that's SATs, acts, essay writing, touring schools? I know you're in the thick of that right now, so I'd love to hear your thought.

[00:28:36] Zach: Yeah, so I'm going into my junior year of high school, so I'm not gonna be picking my schools until about midway through. But

[00:28:43] Sadie: I don't think I knew the schools that I was gonna actually be applying to until right before I submitted my application. So I'm very impressed that that's your timeline.

[00:28:50] Zach: Yeah, I think that's when my school wants us to start thinking about that, but

[00:28:54] Zach: I'm definitely. In the thick of college pressure.

[00:28:58] Zach: It's very, very tangible in my school. It's extremely competitive and I think that, I mean, it's competitive everywhere, honestly. But I definitely feel this,

[00:29:08] Zach: and my advice is really just be the best applicant you can be.

[00:29:11] Zach: Don't try to be the other people. Try to be the best version of you. Make yourself stand out and just instead of looking at what everyone else is doing. Do what you like to do, go deep into that, do great things with it, and that's what's gonna help you the most.

[00:29:28] Zach: It's not gonna help if you're like, oh, this person is taking this class, and even though I'm not interested in the subject, I need to take the same class to compete.

[00:29:37] Zach: Yeah. It's just not gonna help you. So I think

[00:29:39] Zach: a lot of parents are so caught up in the comparison. Don't worry about that. Worry about making your kid the best applicant they can be.

[00:29:46] Sadie: Yeah. And it's also so hard because. When it comes down to it, you are competing against your classmates. Yeah. Your friends.

[00:29:53] Sadie: Because if they're looking at applicants from all around the country, even if there's 12 qualified applicants from your school, they would never admit 12 students from one school in one town. They're gonna choose one or two. And so, It's very difficult to wrap your mind around. It's really not something that you've probably experienced before, and there's so much societal pressure associated with this.

[00:30:14] Sadie: We're getting this messaging that if you don't get into a good college, you're not gonna get a good job, and then you won't be able to support a family and blah, blah,

[00:30:20] Zach: blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's this whole thing. I, you know, there's this. I think assumption that all these teams are making, which is,

[00:30:27] Zach: if you don't go to one of those schools, you're not gonna be successful. It's such a terrible, they're especially Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because only like five people from each school or going to those schools and roughly, I don't know, maybe a little bit more, but it really depends on the year. Last year, super competitive.

[00:30:46] Zach: It was insane. But anyway, there's so many ways to be successful and going to one of those schools helps, but it doesn't make you successful. You could go to one of those schools. And not be as

[00:30:58] Sadie: successful. Or you go, there is someone that's ranked last in the class at all of these schools.

[00:31:03] Sadie: Exactly. And it's the amount of effort you put in, it's how passionate you are about the subjects that you're pursuing. And, and it's not about the school. And I know it sucks to hear that because you're like, Well, I'd wanna go to this good school instead of this other school or whatever it is that you're thinking.

[00:31:16] Sadie: Because that is again, what we're told, but look up different individuals who went to smaller schools. Who was the, the recent lawyer that was on Johnny Depp's case? Camilla Vasquez. She didn't go to a crazy big law school. She did go to USC for undergrad. I will say that. But the schools that you go to, the ones you decide to pursue, aren't gonna make or break it.

[00:31:37] Sadie: Your future, your career, what you decide to do once you get to that school is really what's gonna make a difference. If you are a parent or someone that's A friend of someone that's going through this process.

[00:31:48] Sadie: Don't ask them where they want to go to school. I know it's really hard. I ask my sister all the time and she's like, I have no idea. Sadie. You want to know you're nosy. But asking someone and definitely like, where do you wanna go to school? What's your score? What's your reach school? It just adds a lot of anxiety and it's very vulnerable.

[00:32:05] Sadie: Like yes, you're applying and risking rejection from the school, but telling all these people and then knowing that you might not get in and they'll all know is something that's really scary. And it's completely the teen's choice if they wanna share those, dream schools or not.

[00:32:20] Zach: Yeah, so I have some friends that are rising seniors right now, and a lot of them, they're just like, I'm not gonna talk about where I'm applying what I'm gonna do.

[00:32:30] Zach: I think that's a great idea because imagine if you're like, oh, I really want to go to this school, and then when the decisions come out, everyone's gonna be asking you about, and it could be really hurtful if that's a rejection or a wait list or I mean, you know, referral, whatever, whatever it is.

[00:32:45] Zach: Yeah, yeah. Defer, whatever. So yeah, I just feel. Keeping it to yourself is just a great strategy. I mean, maybe to one or two close friends to have a support system, but by no means is anyone's business to be super public about it.

[00:32:59] Sadie: Yeah. A hundred percent. And I, I did the opposite. I definitely was pretty transparent about where I was applying, and it was mostly because I just didn't think I was gonna get in.

[00:33:10] Sadie: My whole thing with the podcast is vulnerability. And I talk about these emotions and if I get rejected, I wanna talk about what that experience was like and what worked and what didn't. And now I'm looking back, I'm like, I think I manifested it. I spoke it into existence. I'm like, this is where I'm applying.

[00:33:24] Sadie: But I had so many friends that chose not to do that, and it was a really effective boundary to set for them, and it allowed them to process those emotions without getting 50 texts, being like, did you get rejected? What's the decision? What's happening? This person got in, did you get in?

[00:33:39] Sadie: Because it's just so anxiety provoking.

[00:33:42] Zach: Yeah. Yeah. It really is. And. Going back to what I was saying about social media in comparison, comparing the schools you got into or the scores you got or your grades or your extracurriculars. It is so detrimental. Yeah. So just avoid doing it.

[00:33:55] Zach: And, and the other thing to remember is it's a toss up. Mm-hmm. , it really is If you , didn't get into your first choice school, maybe last year you would've, maybe next year you would've, it really depends. Maybe your reader was having a bad day. You have no idea. There's so many things out of your control that you really just shouldn't get caught up in it.

[00:34:14] Zach: And. I've heard of so many people, just their self-esteem being ruined by the decision. Don't let it ruin you because again, there's so many things out of your control. It is crazy competitive and you shouldn't base how you view yourself, how much confidence you have in yourself on a decision that you only have so much control over.

[00:34:36] Sadie: Yeah, and like when you put into context how they're building these classes, it's like what percentage the admissions slots are already earmarked for athletes and people that are recruited to, yeah, fill up these teams. And what percentage of people I don't know, are quadruple legacies or things like that.

[00:34:53] Sadie: So, or who donated

[00:34:53] Zach: a building

[00:34:54] Sadie: or whatever. Exactly. It's like and likes we hold all the college admission scandal, like those slots were going to different people and then there's everyone in the entire country is applying and there's this whole range of scores and different extracurriculars.

[00:35:06] Sadie: And what if one person had a crazy recommendation? All of these things are factors that you can't control. And so even though you are submitting. This portfolio that feels like everything that's good about you and the best of the best parts of yourself, it's, it's not a reflection of you. And there's so much more that goes into that decision.

[00:35:23] Zach: Yeah, exactly. I think that's so important to remember. Yeah. And college is honestly one of the most stressful things that I've heard teens

[00:35:31] Sadie: deal with. Yeah, a hundred percent. The last thing that I want to touch on before we wrap up is navigating big emotions and life changes, things like grief, like we touched on in the beginning.

[00:35:41] Sadie: What are your tips for teens navigating those types of things from your experience and then what you're hearing from your audience?

[00:35:46] Zach: So my advice for that is, I've gotten a lot of questions about these heavier topics, and what I do for those is obviously, I mean, I'm 16. I'm not super versed in what to do in that situation, so I'll bring on experts to talk with them about these various topics.

[00:36:03] Zach: I was getting a lot of questions on depression and suicide, so I had a conversation about that. I've had conversations about serious anxiety. Those types of topics. And I think that the number one thing is to seek professional help. Yes. That's the number one thing it's past the day to day of.

[00:36:22] Zach: Oh, you could talk to a friend about it, maybe practice a coping mechanism, go take a walk or go get your mind off it or listen to music or something. It's beyond that. So I think you really need to seek professional help from an adult. Informing your parents or trusted at all.

[00:36:37] Zach: That's other than the help, it could also be really important as.

[00:36:40] Sadie: Yeah, I, I think one of the biggest takeaways from struggling with my mental health and supporting my friends that were struggling with their mental health was to not go to each other because just like you mentioned as a teen, you're not meant to be able to navigate these things.

[00:36:54] Sadie: You haven't been educated for 12 years and had clinical experience on how to handle depression and grief and anxiety and all of these things, and so there's no reason you should be expected to handle those alone and advise someone. On how to navigate those. And yeah, it's just not something that teams should be equipped with.

[00:37:12] Sadie: And I, I know it's instinct to go to your friends, but the burden that you are putting on them, if you're not going to anyone else, it's totally fine to tell your friends, I'm struggling with this. I just want you to know that you're a big support for me and I appreciate that, but only going to one of your friends and only using them as your main support system is something.

[00:37:31] Sadie: Both of you will become overwhelmed and burnt out by pretty quickly. And so going to a trusted adult, whether that's like a school counselor, a teacher that you trust, a parent, a family friend, a therapist, psychiatrist, pediatrician. All of these people are great resources A.

[00:37:45] Sadie: And they'll point you in the direction of other people that are trained to support you and know exactly what to do to help you feel better and feel seen and validated and less overwhelmed. And like things are out of your control.

[00:37:58] Zach: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think that the emotional burden is just so important to remember.

[00:38:05] Zach: Separating yourself from your friend and seeing someone professional is just really important to

[00:38:10] Sadie: do. Yeah, and it's again, to emphasize it's not that you are a burden, it's that these things are really big and overwhelming and no teen should be expected to deal with. Yeah, like it's, it's not you, it's just that there are reasons that people go to school for decades to be able to specialize in these things.

[00:38:28] Sadie: Yeah. There are reasons that there are hundreds of studies figuring out how to best treat these things and how to best support people and what resources resonate and what. Don't. And so it's important to ask the adults in your community, what are those resources? What can I do? Because you're not expected to know those things, and they'll be able to utilize their wealth of knowledge, they'll be able to have other people involved.

[00:38:51] Sadie: And so it's a game changer, and I highly recommend, well, where can people continue to listen to your talk with that conversations? Continue to consume your content and submit questions if they want. Sure.

[00:39:04] Zach: So the Instagram is Talk with Zach. That's my username. You could find it there. And then my website is talk with zach.org and you could submit questions there, apply to become an ambassador there.

[00:39:17] Zach: Reach out for media opportunities and just check out more of what talk with Zach is. So visit both of those. Again, talk with Zach on Instagram and talk with zach. Dot org is

[00:39:27] Sadie: the. Awesome. Those will be linked in today's show notes so that people can find those easily. Thank you so much for joining me.

[00:39:34] Sadie: I'm so glad we got to do this and cover so many topics that are front of mind for so many

[00:39:38] Zach: teams. Yeah. Thanks for having me. I think we, I, great conversation. It was great

[00:39:43] Sadie: challenge. Yeah.

[00:39:43] Sadie: Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of she persisted. If you enjoyed, make sure to share with a friend or family member, it really helps out the podcast. And if you haven't already leave a review on apple podcasts or Spotify, you can also make sure to follow along at actually persisted podcast on both Instagram and Tik TOK, and check out all the bonus resources, content and information on my website.

[00:40:04] Sadie: She persisted podcast.com. Thanks for supporting. Keep persisting and I'll see you next week.

© 2020 She Persisted LLC. This podcast is copyrighted subject matter owned by She Persisted LLC and She Persisted LLC reserves all rights in and to the podcast. Any use without She Persisted LLC’s express prior written consent is prohibited.